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Brian Keljore's blog

2:32 PM on 03.16.2010

Applying the Sterling Algorithm (NVGR)

I went ahead and read Jim giving his honest opinion on Final Fantasy XIII like any proper reviewer should. I started up the good old Sterling Algorithm to study the reaction.

Seriously people, one bad review from someone is not the end of the damn world. Stop being sheeple!   read

8:34 PM on 02.28.2010

A fun experiment. (NVGR, but D-Toid Related)

Here's a little experiment I've done recently; one that I invite you all to take place in. Go to any article written by Jim Sterling (review, editorial, news, whatever). Scroll through the comments and click on the names of people leaving overly negative comments. Count how many replies they have to various articles were they've replied to negatively. Divide that by the number or positive comments they leave multiplied by the number of blog posts they have. This should give you a pretty good idea of their contribution to the Destructoid community. The lower the number, the better!

.... What's that? You can't divide by zero?



3:28 AM on 08.29.2009

How to make gaming communities suck less: Stop talking about PAX

Seriously... just fucking stop.

It was bad enough hearing the raving once a week when it was 6 months off, but for those of us who are unable to go due to financial or other situations, it gets annoying. The coming of August heralded more chatter than I care to listen to. Barely a single conversation can go by with out someone mentioning PAX, regardless of the subject. The ranting about who is doing what, who can't afford what because they are going and how much that sucks, and of course the repeated "why aren't you going" questions as if it were simply a minor thing to hop on a plane and rent a hotel for a few nights. I'm sure even D-toid staffers who can't afford the trip have had enough at this point.

So for those of us who really wanted to go, but for various reasons (like barely being able to make student loan payments) who can't make, please express your enthusiasm in a less exuberant fashion. It will keep the rest of us from wanting to cave your heads in with a bat.   read

9:12 PM on 06.27.2009

SimToid: Something is in the Air

Let's check back with our sims, shall we?

When we last saw our Sims, Psycho was rather chared.

Well it appears that Naia doesn't mind sharing a bed with anyone. Here I am hopping into bed with her. Psycho gets in the bath.

She really needed it.

Croc got up and took a page from Bunny's book.

Bunny, on the other hand, got out of bed and made waffles. They turned out quite well.

Kacie is not the only one who drinks early apparently.

Naia gave a concert to no one this time.

Then she went swimming, she gets a lot done.

Words cannot describe what is going on here. I think there is a bromance going on here.

Hmm... Kacie and I are going somewhere.

It seems that they are going out to eat.

Psycho decided to make up with the maid after she was mean to her the other day.

Bunny plays some chess and learns the logic skill. Impressive.

I decide to take the time to know someone else. Hey, wait a sec...


After some time talking to myself, the other me eventually left.

Apparently I was left scarred and needed a hug. Kacie provided.

Naia went to work.

WHOA! Kacie and I kissed and I missed the screen shot. What is going on here?

Meanwhile, at the house, everyone is going about there business as usual.

That logic skill is really working out for Bunny. Here we see him talking to himself.

He then went and fixed the bathtub.

Kacie cleaned up the puddle to help him out.

Then she crawled into bed with me. Man this is getting weird.

To wrap things up, We see Naia playing another outdoor concert.

The best of friends are still at it.

Well, there you have it. I would like to amend my previous statement about introducing new on Monday. It occurs to me that I have something planned that evening, so I will add them on Tuesday. See you all next time.   read

7:59 PM on 06.26.2009

SimToid: The Phoenix Rises from the Ashes

Before we start, let us have a moment of silence for my now dead 120 GB hard drive. Your data shall be missed.



Welcome back, Real D-toid persons. When we last left our friends, Bunny was finally able to take a bath now that everyone has gone to sleep. Let's catch up with him after his bath.

Ooooookay... Apparently he decided to have a good sit on a different bath tub. Shortly after this, he headed to bead amused wearing his street clothes. Bunny, my friend, you seem a touch unstable. I like it!

Kacie was the first to wake up, followed shortly by Croc. He was awakened by a deep hunger, since he spent the day before prancing about in his underpants, he forgot to eat. He shared some leftover horrible waffles with Kacie.

I'm not entirely sure what happened here. I think Croc wanted tickets to Aerox's gun show.

Since Psycho ate the last of the horrible waffles, Naia tried her hand at cooking again.

Oh hey, they turned out pretty good this time. Oh, and notice the phone on the wall? I neglected to give them one before. Psycho called a repair man for the toilet, and hired a maid.

Bunny got up and made sure he looked the same in every mirror he could find.

More bathroom troubles today. Kacie got walked in on as well.

Whoa! Kacie took a break from drinking to complement me on my appearance. Something seems to be going on here.

Psycho started pushing around the maid she hired. I don't know why. About this time, Bunny and Naia got mysterious cell phone calls from various community directors. They are apparently psychic and know what they have been up to, as Bunny was offered cash to be more athletic by the community athletics director and Naia was offered much the same to improve her musical ability by the local theatre troupe. I would have had screen shot of them pulling cell phones out of their asses, but they happened so suddenly that I was surprised.

Holy shit, Croc is wearing pants.

I'm starting to get the feeling that Naia is the most responsible one, as this is her shortly after getting a musical job.

Here I am getting chatted up by Psycho and Kacie, they seem to be a little jealous of each other. Things are getting odd. And Croc is in his underwear again, what the hell?

Naia is giving another random concert. This time, its blocking the computer. This upset Croc. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WEAR PANTS THEN, HUH? [/lolcapslock]

Psycho broke the dishwasher, so she decided to clean up her mess.

Ummm... I am pretty sure this is a bad idea.

Sometimes I hate it when I am right. I ran in to quickly put out the fire. Bunny thought it was pretty.

Well... looks like Psycho's clothes and hair are ruined. But does she feel any shame?

Well I guess not. She sat down and started surfing the internet.

Well, the SimToid crew is heading to bed after shuffling the rooms around (again). What will happen next time?

Stay tuned.   read

8:55 PM on 06.25.2009

Tragic News: SimToid put on hold due to Hardware Problems

Hi, how are you?

I have some bad news for you, so you may want to sit down.

Right now, under normal circumstances, I'd be loading up Sims 3 and preparing to record some stuff for SimToid. However, one of my computers decided it was going to wig out on me after my dog crashed into it and hit the reset button. I am currently trying to figure out what exactly happened and have the boot drive loaded into another computer that's checking out the hard drive. It will take a while, so I probably won't have much time to observe the Sims today.

But rest assured, SimToid will return, even if I have to post it far later than I would like to.   read

11:08 PM on 06.24.2009

SimToid: Perhaps You Should Invest In Locks

Welcome back. When we last left, Sim Kacie drank until she was tired and headed to bed. Let's see what happened after that.

Croc broke a toilet, and thought it was funny.

Hey, let's all watch Psycho have an adventure.

It appears that Kacie and myself stole Psycho and Naia's room.

Psycho decided to share the room with Aerox. Oh hey, Bunny is taking a bath.

Naia is apparently very artistic.

Bunny really likes checking himself out.

He seriously went from mirror to mirror in the house.

And then he went jogging in a tux.

Kacie's up. Is it just me, or is she looking lovingly at me?

Oh wow, she's making actual food.

She actually burned the crap out of them, so she had Naia's left over burnt to crap waffles instead. Along with Bunny, when is he going to go to sleep anyways?

Other people are waking up now, so Kacie decides to start drinking.

Croc prepares for another day of not wearing pants while Bunny searches for a place to sleep undisturbed.

Oh hey, its Croc's turn to burn waffles.

Naia continues her artistic pursuits. She finishes off the painting before going off to work on her guitar skills.

Aerox found Croc mess from the day before and decided to clean it up.

Bunny had a funk cloud coming off him, so he attempted to take a bath. Psycho wanted to talk to him though and just walked right in, causing Bunny to flee.

Oh wait... she just wanted to steal the bathtub. Bunny spent the rest of the day trying to find an unoccupied bathroom.

This seemed to be a theme for the day though, as later, Aerox walked right in on Naia as she bathed.

Oh hey, everyone's gaming.

Bed time. Am I watching Kacie sleep before I go to bed? Is something going to happen here?

It looks like Croc and Psycho are sharing a room now. This confuses Aerox, so he heads into the next room to sleep.

Wait .. what's going on here? Apparently Naia forgave Aerox for the peeping incident, as she got into bed with him rather than take one of the two available beds.

And we leave the sims today after observing a triumphant Bunny as he finally got his bath now that everone is in bed.

Stay tuned kids. We'll be back at my earliest convenience.   read

11:39 PM on 06.23.2009

SimToid: Its 5 o'clock Somewhere

Welcome back. When we last left our Sims they were just settling in.

Let's check in and see how they are doing.

It seems Aerox found a device in the corner and decided to give it a try. The activity bubble claimed he was "having an adventure," based on the noises he was making, it was probably not rated PG.

After looking long and hard in the mirror, Bunny kicked back and thought about what to do next.

Which apparently was workout shirtless in front of the TV.

Kacie continued to drink her "juice."

Psycho told Naia a story.

Which apparently inspired Naia to make some Mac and Cheese.

And people sat down to eat. Don't be fooled though, Kacie is not eating that Mac and Cheese, that's mine. She stole my spot while I was distracted. She's drinking her dinner.

Psycho was the first to head to bed. She shared a room with Naia. There are many rooms in the house, Bunny, Croc, and Kacie got their own rooms. I shared a room with Aerox.

But before he went to bed, Bunny was sure to yell at himself in the mirror.

Being the first to bed, Psycho was the first to rise. She was quite hungry and decided to have some mac and cheese... which had been left out over night!

Naia got up and started playing the guitar. She was unaware that her stalker, Aerox, was watching from the corner.

I got up and used the computer for some quick chatting.

What's this? Could Kacie be thinking of having some day old mac and cheese?

Nope. I guess it has to be 5 o'clock somewhere.

Oh hey, Croc is up.

And so is Bunny. Wait, did he sleep in his formal wear?

The two go to the living room, Croc on the computer, Bunny watching TV. Psycho found Aerox's device and had an adventure of her own.

Naia is making waffles. She is apparently not the best cook, as she burned the waffles. No one complained, and ate the waffles anyways. Except Kacie, she's apparently on a liquid diet.

She did eventually stop drinking to take a bath though.

Bathed and fully clothed, Kacie made way to her favorite part of the house. Apparently, she's a happy drunk.

Croc and Aerox played tag in their evening wear. I have no idea what is going on anymore. Would they just get dressed already?

Christ! What is with Naia and that guitar?

It was apparently a funny song, as Bunny and Psycho are giggling in the corner.

Uh-oh, someone's been playing the guitar too long.

There was a spill here, but its gone now. Also, Croc is still not wearing pants.

And as we leave our sims, we see Kacie have one last drink before attempting to go to bed... at 6:30 pm.

Will she make it? Stay tuned!

Also, I plan on introducing new sims to the community on Monday. So if you are interested, get a hold of me and give me references if you want to sim to look anything like you.   read

1:48 AM on 06.23.2009

SimToid: The Begining

Earlier today, I noticed the podcastle Sims 3 house. I thought it was a great idea, but why should those jerks have all the fun. And so, SimToid was born.

I talked with a few community members in IRC to see who was interested. The response was greater than I had expected. I limited the test bed for the virtual community to seven members. These members would live, eat, and sleep together in one house over the course of however long it takes me to lose interest. More community members can be added to the city, but D-Toid house is full, for now.

Anyways, the members who joined in the little experiment are PsychoSoldier, Naia the Gamer, Kaciesaurus, CrocBox, BunnyRabbit2, and Aerox (aka Jonathan Ross). I attempted to make them as real to life as possible, maybe a little less mean, who knows.

All characters are set to very high levels of free will and I do not interfere with any thing they wish to do.

Here we all are, outside the mansion. Many sims started to walk around the house. Psycho and Croc had a brief conversation before exploring. Naia went straight to the video games.

Since the only TV was taken by Naia playing video games, the members of the household found other activities to take place in. Kacie read a book. Croc trolled people on the internet.

Here we see Bunny chatting up Psycho.

Soon enough, Naia's reign over the tv ended, as Psycho came and switched to the cable. Naia was upset by this, but no one seemed to mind. They were all too busy watching TV.

Needing a way to vent, Naia went off to play some guitar. It was not long before Aerox went and watched her play. That's not stalking at all. Also, why Naia dragged the guitar all the way out there I have no idea.

It was then that tragedy struck. Kacie found the bar and started drinking her "juice" shortly there after...

... all alone.

Meanwhile, Psycho was so proud of her conquest of the television, that she began playing a game of her own.

Also, it turns out that the person who Croc was IMing was none other than local sleeze bag Douche Lightning (who Croc now wishes to become friends with).

After finishing up with Douche, Croc sat down for a good read. Tired of Psycho's cursing over her game, Bunny decided to take a good long look in the mirror.

As my time in the sim world came to a close, I noticed Kacie going up for her third "juice."

Psycho is about to rage quit. I finally got on the computer.

Naia continued to practice her guitar skills.

And finally, we see Bunny checking himself out.

So, if you are interested in joining the community, contact me either in IRC or through PM on the forums. Kacie seems to be thinking of throwing a party, and with how much she drinks, it could be fun.   read

4:45 PM on 10.01.2008

The Fear: The Return of Ganon

I was once an imaginative child, filled with glossy eyed wonder at the splendor all around me. It was for that very reason that I loved The Legend of Zelda. Being able to explore a vast world filled with dangers and treasure was right up my alley. That is why I had to have Zelda 2: The Adventure of Link when I saw it at the store. I didn't even have to rent it, it had to be good, right?

Given the title of the article, I am sure you can see where this is going.

My first thoughts while playing the game were ones of utter confusion. Why was I side scrolling? Monsters randomly attack me when I leave the road? Where am I supposed to go? What's this experience thing I keep getting? What's going on?

It was not long before I got in a random battle that was a bit too much for me and I quickly met an inglorious end and was further confused by what happened next. A Zelda game with lives? How could this be?

I was very careful after that first defeat, making sure I stuck to the roads as well as possible until I got the hang of the game. Caves and dungeons I knew to be unavoidable, but I would have to take extreme care to level Link up so that I would not meet another terrible fate.

I also thought towns would be a safe place, only to have villagers turn into bats! Those villagers who did not turn into bats often offered me cryptic clues, prostitution services (What are we doing those houses to refill my health and magic meters? hmm?), and the occasional magic spell or item. If I were to replay the game now, these clues would make more sense, but to my seven or eight year old mind had no idea what these people where talking about. I thought that the people of Hyrule were incurably insane and that I alone stood as the last sane man in the troubled kingdom.

Given that I was playing this game before the internet, and before I could find a Nintendo Power Guide, I was lost and hopeless. This entire game made me nervous as hell. Every time I played it, I feared for Link's life as I attempted to guide him through caves and dungeons where one bad move spelled certain doom. You may think I am silly for caring so much about my avatar's life, but his dying is not was I was afraid of. No, not by a long shot. What truly terrified me was this...

The Return of Ganon

That laugh. That hideous laugh as Ganon's shadow loomed over me in my dark, silent room. His piercing white, soulless eyes staring down on me with terrible malice. The Kingdom of Hyrule was doomed, the true Princess Zelda would slumber for eternity, I had failed. The laugh haunted my nightmares, made me clutch the blankets to my restless body even tighter. I was terrified of that game over screen. It made no sense, but it chilled me to the very core.

My once innocent childhood fantasy of adventure had been warped into a fear of failure by one game over screen. No longer did I rush in headlong with no fear of defeat. I hesitated at every turn and suddenly the game became even harder. To make matters worse, every time I failed, my experience counter reset, making me go through it all again. Worse still... I had to hear that laugh again.

So there you have it, the most significant memory I have of experiencing fear through a video game. It did not take me long, upon seeing the topic, to decide what to write about. I knew it all along. The one thing I feared in video games more than anything else was the return of Ganon.   read

5:10 PM on 09.17.2008

Large Hadron Collider renamed, I /facepalm.

Aaron Borges of Rhode Island is the winner of the contest to rename the collider with the name of Halo.

Everyone, do it with me now.


1:21 PM on 09.13.2008

RSC Asks for new names for the LHC, I step up. (Game related after a fashion)

So for those of you too lazy to read, the Royal Society of Chemistry (RSC) is seeking new names for the Large Hadron Collider(LHC) with the chosen name to be announced next Wednesday and the sender receiving a bounty of £500.

Now, one might ask, "Brian, how is this video game related at all?"

Well dear reader, I'll tell you how. Better yet, I'll show you! Behold, my name for the LHC!

That's right boys and girls, I did indeed suggest the name "Mammon Machine."

That is all.   read

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