Yeah, I know it's old news, but it's a good indication of what is wrong with a lot of video game fans. At first glance, I thought it was a parody with how ridiculous the arguments were, but so many people took it at face value that I guess it wasn't. So without further ado, it's time to analyse this thing.
"This is the World Cyber Games on Sci Fi. Where a group of twenty-something hipsters play the most casual games for the title, Ultimate Gamer."
First off: What. People. Talk like this? Even if they were playing "casual" games, they wouldn't outright say they were such. Never mind calling their participants "hipsters" as if such a label wasn't insulting.
"Now it's trendy to like games, we're fucking marketable!"
Where the hell were you when Pokémon Red and Blue debuted? That wasn't marketable? Never mind the ridiculous amount of merchandise and spinoff media that still continues to this day. Even before Pokémon, what was The Wizard? The Mario and Zelda cartoons?
"Instead we're getting bastardized versions of what were once classic games. A perpetual easy mode filled with quicktime events and mini-games."
Easy to control doesn't mean a cakewalk game. It means developers can focus on adding real difficulty rather than force gamers to struggle with cumbersome controls. Take a look at Elite Beat Agents. It has only three simple to execute commands, but they're put together in diabolical ways.
"When was the last time you played a truly great game?"
What the...?! Why ask a question if you're just going to answer it yourself and assume everyone agrees? Bowser's Inside Story was awesome. So was Super Mario Galaxy 2. And Bit.Trip and Elite Beat Agents. Those were all made in this gen.
"It's time for this bullshit to stop. This is a message to you auto-aiming, Madden rostering, Wii Bowling asstards! Fuck you."
And this is a major reason why gamers have such a bad name.
"We memorized the ultra combos. We wrote down pages of passwords."
Tell me, did you have fun doing that? Because I didn't. Memorizing ultra combos is fake difficulty that only serves to intimidate players and turn people away from fighting games.
"We defeated the Robomasters, we knocked out Tyson, and saved the fucking princess!"
Funny you should bring up Mario. He's the one character that could challenge Pokémon for "most marketable name in gaming". And Mega Man is no marketing slouch either. So much for exclusivity.
"I know what we are, and what you're not. Gamers."
Here's the thing that confounds me about fandom members in general. Why are they so compelled to look "cool" to their fellow club even when it means they are reviled by just about everyone else? Keeping "gamers" an exclusive club means squat when it has such a bad name brought on by this kind of attitude.
I wrote all this up because I love video games. I hate people acting like gaming should be this cool kids' club which looks down on people that don't play the "right" games. Everyone should be free to play whatever we like, because aren't video games about fun? Why bother with something meant to entertain if you're not enjoying it?