I was going to post about this a while ago, but it’s only now that I’ve got tons of work to get done that I feel the need to procrastinate and write this up.
I was filled with throat gurgling bile when I read the other week the praise Jerry Holkins (Tycho) was receiving for his work on the Penny Arcade game. It’s driving me insane now because I can’t find the article, but someone was saying Jerry was up there with the top writers in the industry today along with people like Ron Gilbert because of his work on Penny Arcade. I wanted to take the people who said that and rape them within an inch of their lives because there is a simple fact:
Jerry Holkins is not Goddam funny.
That’s not to say Penny Arcade isn’t funny, because Mike Krahulik (Gabe) is one of the funniest bastards around. He’s fucking hilarious, and if you listen to any of the podcasts you will quickly realize that the only reason Jerry is even around is because he needs someone to update the front page news. Nearly every joke on the podcast goes something along the lines of this (these are just made up):
Mike: I bet she didn’t see that coming!
Jerry: Ha, yeah not at all. Like nothing. Like invisible! HAHAHAHA!
Mike: Yeah..yeah.
Mike: And the next thing you know a full box of them turns up
Jerry: Yeah like a mountain, a cacophony of them, endless amounts, HAHAHAA!
Mike: Yeah…yeah.
Mike: And this fucking alien comes bursting out!
Jerry: Yeah, go do THOSE taxes, bitch!
Mike: What?
I can count on two fingers the amount of funny jokes that Jerry has said that he actually came up with, the rest of the time the fat balding motherfucker just takes whatever funny line Mike just said, adds a few words to it then proceeds to repeat it while he drives it into the ground with more and more “no, no, how about--” statements until the only reason he stops is because Mike is just sitting there bored.
I even read this on Wikipedia:
“His style contrasts with that of Penny Arcade artist Mike Krahulik, with Holkins assuming the role of the lead and Krahulik the sidekick”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Holkins doesn’t do a Goddam thing! Every comic I’ve heard on the podcast, every fucking one of them Mike comes up with the joke, then Jerry changes a few words around and claims he’s a fucking genius. At times I’ve heard Mike come up with a funny ass comic (the Battlefield advertising comic for example) which was Goddam hilarious, then Jerry takes over and manages to ruin the entire fucking idea. It was painfull to listen as Mike and Scott (from PVP) joked around in the office and came out with one zinger after another when a few times they practicly had to tell Jerry to shut up when he started singing, doing stupid voices (which I think were supposed to be impressions...) or taking one joke he stole from them and repeating it 50 times over, leaving the room in silence directly after.
Fuck you Jerry Holkins. You are a leech, and if you no longer worked for Penny Arcade at worst Mike might have to find someone else to do front page updates while the quality of the jokes go through the roof. I can’t even begin to fathom how after being around so much humor for so many years YOU ARE STILL SO FUCKING UNFUNNY.
The worst part of it all is that with all the success of Penny Arcade, he probably really truly believes that he is part of it.
(# 0) on 01/28/2008 02:51
(# 1) on 01/28/2008 03:00
(# 2) on 01/28/2008 03:12
To you.
Just because you don't like him doesn't mean no-one else does.
Don't like his shit don't play his games or read his comic, no-one is holding a gun to your head. Holding a "Why doesn't everyone agree with me" pissyfit solves nothing.
(# 3) on 01/28/2008 03:13
Excellent anger though, something about internets and businesses and seriousness and "is"s.
(# 4) on 01/28/2008 03:20
Holkins might not be as important as Mike but he is still important, he does come up with some good jokes and he has a good writing form. Something Krahulik admittedly lacks. They also act as feedback for each other, shining the jokes till they work.
Sorry for the rant above but jesus guy. No need to shit on someone else's parade. What i would also say is please don't try to judge a partnership of almost 2 decades (They were working on stuff way before Penny Arcade) by 23 podcasts, maybe he could do it without Holkins, but working together for so long they work off each other in a way that you probably couldn't understand anyway.
(# 5) on 01/28/2008 03:21
(# 6) on 01/28/2008 03:51
(# 7) on 01/28/2008 04:04
(# 8) on 01/28/2008 04:11
Was that at me? I don't remember complaining about everyone agreeing with me 0.o
(# 9) on 01/28/2008 05:06
I think that's Kiko, if I get the names correct. He's their marketing guy who, before they hired him (well, he offerd to work for free for a while simply because he knew they were doing a terrible job), they both had no fucking idea what they were doing. Anything related to the buisness side of PA Mike and Jerry have no part of.
Also just to be clear, I don't hate Penny Arcade. I love the site. What pisses me off is that Jerry gets so much credit for being the writer when he doesn't do jack shit. I agree that if it wasn't for him the website would be a monthly update (every podcast, 5 minutes in Mike wants to go get lunch), but the fact that he gets so much credit for the tiny amount he does, it makes me want to stab him in the eyes.
(# 10) on 01/28/2008 08:22
(# 11) on 01/28/2008 08:26
seth338 said it is a team effort, and the fact that he had to say that says a lot of what you think of PA.
also, their podcast is annoying.
(# 12) on 01/28/2008 08:37
You claim Jerry (Tycho) does nothing for the site, yet I can prolly count the number of times Mike (Gabe) has updated the website first. Tycho is very often the one and only person who writes on the front page. So, fail.
He also does the majority of the writing for all of the comics and side projects they do. The fact you make it sound like you know how much work the man puts in every day when you likely have NO FUCKING CLUE what you're talking about is also a joke. So, fail.
I've never listened to the podcast, but they both often admit they're not as interesting in person and that's why they have a website, so expecting them to be top-notch comedians in real-life may be a little too much, no? So... still fail.
You also checked the dude's Wikipedia page. Instant fail.
On that note, the two guys have known each other since high school and really do complement each other quite well, not only for their specifics skills and talents, but the way they play games and approach them in general. More fail.
You're a leech for posting this and getting so many hits to your blog. Hide, thanks.
(# 13) on 01/28/2008 09:04
(# 14) on 01/28/2008 09:14
I said that in the article. I said that's all the fat bastard does - update the front page and ruin good jokes.
"He also does the majority of the writing for all of the comics"
Bull. From every podcast I've heard Jerry has never come up with the joke for the comic, it's always Mike. The most he does is water the joke down or just ruin it completely. The one I downloaded just tonight? Mike came up with the joke, big surprise.
(# 15) on 01/28/2008 09:17
Oh I actually like his blogs, I just get the shits when he gets so much credit for writing the comics when he doesn't do a Goddam thing. I can guarantee he will get every bit of credit for writing their game, but while he will write the story I bet that every joke will come from Mike, yet everyone will exclaim with a boner in their pants “HO HO THAT JERRY IS SO FUNNY”.
(# 16) on 01/28/2008 09:19
If you wanna go Emo, do it over a game or game company, not a fucking respected industry writer who never did anything wrong to you.
This is pretty much comment and page hit whoring at it's finest, although I want to believe that's not why you did this. But if you had decent intentions, you wouldn't waste a blog dissing Jerry.
(# 17) on 01/28/2008 09:26
And the guy IS funny. As a big fan of their downloadable content podcast I can say that he amuses me quite a bit. On the last one, his discussion of the "fire hell" (worse than regular hell) was awesome.
I fully concede that when it comes to the comic, Mike pulls in more than his equal share of the weight, but that's a limitation of Jerry's artistic skills, not his writing ones. I think that if Mike worked on PA as a solo project, it wouldn't be as good. Jerry's always there with the right choice of words (deeptongue, for instance) and the kind of writing panache to bring the whole thing together. Saying he doesn't "do a goddamn thing," is a pretty erroneous statement.
(# 18) on 01/28/2008 09:27
(# 19) on 01/28/2008 09:31
Ok, that may have been a bit overboard. See what made me want to make this post was when I saw Holkins being compared to the likes of Ron Gilbert, that he gets so much praise from so many people for Penny Arcade, yet Mike never gets anything. He does probably 70% of the writing on each comic then has to draw it too, yet he is always seen as "just the guy who draws it". It pisses me off that Holkins get's so much credit for so little work >:[
(# 20) on 01/28/2008 09:32
sometimes the comic will start with mike having an visual idea, and then they'll figure something out that goes along with the article. and often jerry pen the words. but it's a collaborate effort.
i have something personal on this thats why i'm feeding the beast here, because i love PA so much. and when i hear such idiocy i just can't let it go.
(# 21) on 01/28/2008 09:35
But of course, tubby here is biased because he has to put up with that ad-hominem bullshit himself.
(# 22) on 01/28/2008 09:36
I'd love to know what you are basing that on. I've listened to every podcast, and while that's only a small slice of the comics and hardly makes me an expert, it's very rare that Jerry does much at all with the comic except the polish stage at the end. The only time I can think of that he came up with a good idea is the Broodax name, which he then called "A great idea" about 50 times for the rest of the podcast. (And this isn't counting the BF2 ad comic he took over and fucked up)
(# 23) on 01/28/2008 09:39
(btw I’d stop double posting if there was a damn edit button)
(# 24) on 01/28/2008 09:43
And yeah, that choice of words pretty much shreds any credible argument you may have. I've lost count of the amount of game related debates I've had where the other person runs out of anything worthwhile to say and just pulls the "You're fat lol" card as if that somehow magically grants them victory. Stand by it all you want, I just think it discredits you far more than it does Holkins.
(# 25) on 01/28/2008 09:49
One blog update? Sure, why not.
"And yeah, that choice of words pretty much shreds any credible argument you may have"
May have? I didn't think there was one in the first place. I hate Holkins for the unfunny credit stealing hack that he is and if one poorly written rant filled with hate makes a few people unhappy and sob, big deal.
(# 26) on 01/28/2008 09:54
(# 27) on 01/28/2008 10:09
(# 28) on 01/28/2008 10:33
(# 29) on 01/28/2008 10:46
(# 30) on 01/28/2008 10:49
(# 31) on 01/28/2008 10:57
(# 32) on 01/28/2008 11:11
(# 33) on 01/28/2008 11:45
gabe put up a tutorial for how the comic comes together a while ago, that described the process very thoroughly. and they have always said it is a collaborate effort. sometimes the comic will have no words at all because they though it just didn't fit, or it will be purely based on either jerry's or mike's "jokes".
@odintal
wooooord
(# 34) on 01/28/2008 15:07
Written by Holkins by the way.
(# 35) on 01/28/2008 16:42
Oh Seth, I'm a changed man now, I have seen the light, truly I have been 'pwnd' so hard I will never experience happiness again. For someone to write an article that highlights a discovery as brilliant as THAT is surely the master of the universe.
...Oh no wait, I don’t give a shit. But I am curious, why are you so obsessed with defending Holkins?
(# 36) on 08/21/2008 02:07
Mike explains a comic he had dreamt.
"That's dark. Even when you're not at the helm of your conscious you're treading dark water" -Jerry
"You have fucking SARS" -Jerry
"I don't have SARS" -Mike
"You just got sick and can't get better. Ever" -Jerry
"Why did you start drinking?" -Mike
"I wasn't cool and it made me said. The glass was half empty and I had to fill the rest of it with liquor." -Jerry
"With whiskey?" -Mike
"With some kind of bathtub hooch" -Jerry
"But alcohol is a depressant, Jerry" -Mike
"It's hard to tell. I guess you can get so depressed that you come back out on top" -Jerry
"Have you ever done heroin?" -Mike
"No. Is this a real question?" -Jerry
"Well I know it's a gateway" -Mike
"Listen, heroin is not the gateway" -Jerry
"No I was gonna say marijuana is the gateway" -Mike
"I was gonna say heroin is more the destination" -Jerry
Maybe they aren't directly translated into comics but he definitely focuses and refines Mike's jokes. Without Jerry there would be great ideas without any punch