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Booerns avatar 9:30 AM on 10.06.2009  (server time)
Tetris Attack, Get Your Ass on the Virtual Console!

"Now, let's go play, together... Together under the clearest of blue skies."

The rush of just barely clearing away a monster block, the satisfaction of hearing the metallic clanking as you grind out a massive chain...speaking completely honestly here, Tetris Attack (Panel de Pon in Japan) might be the greatest multiplayer game ever conceived. But alas, this game's adaptation to a truly accessible form on a modern platform still eludes us 13 years after its release. Those who were down with the sickness back in the SNES's heyday can attest to just how important it is for this game to appear with online multiplayer capabilities in a form that can be brought to the mass gamer market (i.e., big consoles). Do I really need to spell out just how amazing this would be, and how glaring/baffling this game's continued omission on the Virtual Console is?

For those unfortunate few who haven't experienced it, Tetris Attack tasks players with clearing away a continually rising stack of colored blocks (by matching 3 or more like blocks) to prevent the pile from ascending to the top of the screen and ending the game. While the overarching premiss I just described might not be enough to blow anyone's mind, it's the inclusion of a Vs. Mode, where players perform elaborate combos and chains to dump garbage on your opponent's screen, that really puts this game in a class of its own. While the basics are simple enough to learn, performing the big chains requires quick thinking and execution like you wouldn't f*cking believe.

There is NOTHING (coitus) more satisfying than grinding together a tremendous combo, hearing that melody play, and watching your friend schitz out as he scrambles to clean-up that enormous, angry-looking block you just dumped on his screen. This is one of only two games in my entire life (the other being Civilization 3) that I have played all through the night and well into the next day. It has that kind of power.

So why the hell isn't this game available as DLC on the Wii? The truth is, it already is...but in Japan...and the United States and Japan are different countries unfortunately. Japan's actually been sitting on the original Panel de Pon since it was released on Nintendo's Virtual Console back in November 2007, while we Americans continue to suffer with a sans-Tetris Attack Virtual Console! It's 2009, I finally live in an age where I can go online and school 7 year olds in Bomberman and Street Fighter, but remain unable to attack anyone Tetris-weis from the comfort of my own Wii. Plus the popularity of Tetris Friends on the Wii demonstrates a healthy consumer market for competitive online puzzle games, Tetris Attack is a no-brainer.

I've never known any competitive puzzle game to be as thrilling, deep, or all around fun as Tetris Attack, and I want to play it online right now--who knows, maybe I'm the best in the world, I'll never find out since I don't really get to play other serious players. I've waited long enough Nintendo--Tetris Attack, Panel De Pon, I don't care what you call it, just get your shit together and put it on my Wii...f*cking assholes.

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