Because, as we all know, the prom sucks, and Xbox does not. Unless your a Sony fanboy. But no-one would want a Sony fanboy at a prom. Well, I definitely wouldn't.

Anywho, instead of prom-based activities I could've been participating in two weeks ago, I did what I did every night - stay up all night playing video games with pizza. Hell yeah, my prom pwns the snooty OFFICIAL prom. Of course, I meant to write up the shit two weeks ago, but I didn't, so I'm doing it now. Then I'll go have a bath. Wheeeeee!

Firstly, we have anti-hero city crawling freeroamer Prototype, which I had a lot of time watching my brother play before I had a chance to grab the reigns. The first thing I thought was "This is Spiderman." And it is. You jump around from building to building using various super shiny acrobatic moves, hell, you can even stick to walls to scale them. Although you won't, considering you can sprint up them at twice the speed. The only button you need for this rooftop motherfuckery is RT, which does everything you could ever need. It makes you sprint, run up walls, and if you mis-time a jump, and land in the streets below, holding RT as you run makes you jump over any obstacles you come across. Even though only one button is needed to traverse the entire playground, it still feels really satisfying to do. But trust me, its the only satisfying thing that can be done in Prototype.



I suppose I'll touch on the story before I lay into the horrid gameplay. You play as the delightfully cheery Alex Mercer, a dude who's infected with a virus that slowly working its way through Manhattan. He also has amnesia. So its your job to help him piece things together. To be honest, I couldn't give a crap about the story. The minute amnesia worked itself into it I pretty much tuned out the cutscenes altogether but no amount of tuning out could relieve me of hideous voice acting. Alex Mercer suffers from Albert Wesker Syndrome - everything he says is just so fucking hilarious, but only due to the crappy, gravely voice that spouts from his stupid, hooded face.

As for other gameplay stuff, well, Alex's trick is to shapeshift, so you can change his arms into claws, blades, hammers, whips, or other stuff. You can also consume any civilian or enemy around to regain health, or disguise yourself. Missions generally land into two categories - kill everything, or disguise as someone then kill everything. You're given the basic ways to kill everything in a very lovely and action packed opening sequence, where Alex can use all of his tools, but two seconds later you lose all of that stuff and have to be content with only your fists for a bit. Basically, imagine you're given one bite of a huge rump steak but then are forced to eat a plate of sausages instead. You want that steak back? Well, you're gonna have to work for it, sonny jim.

That's a lie. You don't have to work for it at all. I certainly didn't. I'd given up on the game right when I was supposed be destroying some water tower or something. Why? Well, its just not fun. It had all the ingredients of something brilliant - varied mission, cool ways to kill things, and the ability to free roam and massacre the innocent (which is always good for lulz). And yet, somehow, it just...isn't. Pretty much any human dies in one hit from anything, thus removing the challenge, but the challenge then comes back with the force of a frying pan to your skull, when the hunters are introduced. Basically, hunters are big ol' monster type things, with shitloads of health and the ability to hit you no matter what combo you might be doing. And he hits hard. Many times. And they never let up - one actually followed me to the top of the Empire State building.



The game tricks you into thinking you're invincible for the first few hours, then it just gets stupidly frustrating to do anything. The targeting system is god-awful, apparently deciding that an incontinent old lady is more dangerous than the huge tentacled monster of the moment, and all the military seem to have horrible long-sightedness, not spotting you after you've killed twenty of their comrade in front of them, but easily able to spot your big toe from the top of the Chrysler building.

Sure, maybe I suck at the game. But I've sucked at other games before and still had fun. I've tried again and again to give it my attention, but its just not doing it for me.

Wow, that went on for a while. Screw it, I'll just write about Dead Space and finish up, and complain about Quake Live tomorrow.

So, Dead Space then. Unlike the garbage I've written above, I'll actually give this one some structure and talk about the plot first. You play as Issac Clarke, an engineer who is sent with his team to a mining ship where his spouse once resided. They have to fix something or other. However, once they get on board they see its inhabited by monsters, crazy miners, and dangerous strobe lighting effects.



In a nutshell, think of Dead Space as the gameplay of Resident Evil, plus the brilliant storytelling of Bioshock, in space. If that didn't pique your curiosity, then you obviously have a heart made of coal. You walk around as Isaac through dimly lit corridors of the, frankly, HUGE ship, and shoot at the evil looking ghoulies that plague you. Two things differ from Resi Evil - you can move and aim, and you can melee when you want. However, one of the more interesting things is that these particular aliens are weak against limb shots, rather than head shots. Its a very curious mechanic that works quite well, although the form of the later enemies make it hard to determine where the limbs actually are. It also lowers the difficulty somewhat, as most enemies have more limbs than heads, so you have more places to shoot.

Don't get me wrong though, the game isn't easy. I'd say it had a perfect difficulty curve, again, akin to Resident Evil. You'll find the first few encounters to be hard graft until you're comfortable with the controls (although the stuff about going for the limbs wasn't really subtly implied - more pushed into your face like a custard pie of knowledge) and after that, the only difficulty is trying to keep piss and shit from leaving your body. Yes, its a scary game. I honestly haven't felt this scared in a game since Silent Hill 2. Isaac doesn't help with this either - if he's hurt, he stumble and breathe heavily whilst walking, and you'll be praying for no enemies to come out of that ominous vent in from of you.

What Dead Space achieves is an absolutely awesome sense of immersion. There is no HUD as such - health bars and other stuff is displayed nicely on Isaac's back (which you'll be seeing a lot of) and ammo counters come up as little projections on the guns themselves. The menu and inventory screen is also dealt with in the game world, with Isaac carrying a device similar which projects maps and inventory from his arm. All of this is done in real time, however, so be sure to clear the room of enemies before you go messing around with medikits and such.



However one criticism is this...remember how I said it was like Resi + Bioshock in space? Well, Dead Space takes an AWFUL lot from these games. A lot of the back story of the fate of the crew is told through audio logs found within the ships, and, apart from radio contact, you're on your own, with only fleeting glimpses of your allies. Isaac is also one of my video gaming pet peeves - a silent protagonist. All VERY Bioshocky. As for the gameplay, well, its just Resident Evil 4 with bells on. Isaac's manoeuvrability is very similar to Leon/Chris's, the movement of a tank, so to speak. The fact is that Dead Space is kind of a Frankenstien's monster of different games - sure, the setting and story are original, but its being told through very unoriginal ways.

That's not to say its bad, its actually really good. But I have my game critic pants on, so I have to dish out the bads as well as the goods. Its a game you definitely have to try.

Bleh, I've written lots here and I need to bathe. You'll hear about Quake Live some other time.