http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDrpa2itQOQ

Me and a few friends from university did a PODCAST which you will LISTEN TO and ABSORB INTO YOUR PUNY HUMAN BRAINS. Or, not, whatever. Your choice.

In this edition of LUGScast, we talk about fake boobs on James, Ray's love of domestic abuse, a train simulator worth one thousand pounds, whether Milo is a Sonic fanboy or not (jury's still out, apparently), Nick admitting his man-crush on Stephen Merchant, and troll-ception. Also we talk about some video games.

Direct download -
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/55371361/LUGScast%20Episode%201%20-%20J.K.%20Simmons%20as%20J.K%20Simmons%20as%20J.%20Jonah%20Jameson.mp3

Sorry that this blog post looks super un-interesting, but I didn't know you couldn't embed YT vids. Maybe next time :D

Here's me ranting on about FFXIII. Just putting it here to get some quick feedback. Sorry it's a bit long, but I got into my stride.

I was also told I sound a bit Sterling-esque in the video, but I'm not as fat as him so that makes us totally different.

Y’know, there’s lots of good things about being a video gamer. Whether you’re wanting an action-packed shmup, a beautifully woven narrative, something artsy-fartsy, or just some mindless fun, you’re pretty well catered for. But there’s something bigger than all that, something we all know in our hearts and our minds, the one TRUE reason we got into this gaming business: pwning noobs. Everyone in their history of gaming as pwned a noob at one point in their life, and don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it, because if you didn’t, YOU’RE A BIG FAT LIER. To take an unsuspecting foe and slaughtering him in the most brutal and satisfying way possible is the bread and butter of the online video game community, and, in this day and age, there are bazillions of ways to do it.



Don’t misunderstand me though, this isn’t Griefing 101. We were all noobs once, and we have all been pwned many, MANY times (and, in my case, many more times than that). But it was one step on a greater path – the noobs of yesterday have become the l33ts of today, and new generations of noobs flock through the internet every two seconds. To paraphrase some wise man: “A journey of a thousand miles starts with HARD PWNAGE” and we must take the torch as the l33ts of today, and start these young noobs on their journey throughout video games. We’re hurting them to help them, and in the trail of our destruction and early onset arthritis, they will take the torch to teach the noobs of the future how to not suck. It really is a beautiful circle of video gaming life.

So, I present to you today the best ways in gaming to kill, nay, DESTROY your opponent on the fields of battle, while at the same time giving yourself the humongous e-peen required to keep you happy. And we’ll start with something nice and simple:

The One-Shot Kill
Every FPS game ever



This might seem simple and ordinary to the average video-gamer, but it means so much more than you might know. Whatever your poison - a bullet to the head, a shotgun to the chest or a rocket to the face – you’re delivering an important message to your opponents: there’s no fucking around here. You’ve got a lot of noobs to kill, so there’s no point wasting time with the firing of a second shot. This is one move you’ll have to you’ll master to become a legend in the art of noob-killing – its quick, simple, and applies to almost any shooter you could think of.

The Chainsaw Bayonet
Gears of War



Of course, we all know that, in an FPS, melee kills are perhaps the best way to thoroughly embarrass your adversary. They’ve got a gun, and you survived to knife them in the face? Lol, l2p. This is the first in a series of such kills in shumps that I’d like to talk about now, and it’s certainly one of the most visually impressive, gory, and above all, satisfying ways to kill your noobish rival – revving up your chainsaw bayonet in Gears of War, leisurely walking up to your enemy, and casually separating his top and bottom half in a matter of seconds. Alternatively, come in from behind and extend his arsehole to the top of his spine. Both ways have the “melee kill” embarrassment factor, but the fact that your noob victim has to watch his beloved character be reduced to a stain on the floor will just ram the message home: you, sir, just got pwned. UP THE ASS.

The Gravity Hammer
Halo 3



The second of the melee kills in this list was quite a tough decision on my part. Should I opt for the sleek slash and dash of Halo’s infamous Energy Sword, or the gutsy slam of the mighty Gravity Hammer? The Gravity Hammer wins of course. Not only does it often send your poor victim flying straight off the stage for them to suffer an unbearable fall, it…well…it’s a giant hammer that shoots gravity, what the fuck more do you need to pwn noobs? Also, the Grammer is very loud, which will send a message to any other noobs in the area: “I’m in ur video gamez, pwning ur faces.”

The Backstab
Team Fortress 2



Now, about six months ago, this would’ve never made the list, since I thought all TF2 Spies were cheap scumbags who were so over-powered and OMG IMBALANCE WTF!!! Basically, I played mostly Sniper and they owned me to the point of self-harm (I totally stubbed my toe when I kicked my desk). But since then, I’ve branched out to the other classes and, well, I certainly see why so many people play Spy these days. This kill is certainly the most thrilling for the killer in this list – disguise as an enemy, cloak and hide behind enemy lines, blend in with the enemy team, then slam a knife right into one of their unsuspecting backs. It has the basic “I killed you with melee lololol” feel, but since you had the power to turn invisible the pwnage on the player seems a bit…un-earned. But this move has power on a psychological level. If you have chance to cloak and escape into hiding after your successful stab, you’ll give the enemy something far stronger than bullets – you’ll give them THE FEAR. Now that they know a Spy’s on the loose, they’ll drop everything to find him, shooting the empty air and their own allies in an attempt to find his location. Bonus points: tell them they’re “getting warmer” in the game chat.

The Pounce Denial
Left 4 Dead



Perhaps a lesser known method of pwnage, and probably also one of the trickiest to master. Hunters, playable in the versus mode of popular zombie-fest Left 4 Dead, are fast little bastards with the ability to pounce from high building, pin their opponent, and proceed to rip the ever loving shit out of them. Of course, you can’t be having that can you? You can’t have the Hunter be ripping you to shit, can you? It’s just plain RUDE is what it is. So, the best way to show the noob who’s boss is to make sure he doesn’t survive past the pounce. You can do this in two ways – 1) Shoot him clean out of the air mid pounce with your gun (using shotguns can add a One Shot Kill to the mix too), or 2) Use your shove ability to swat him away when he gets within your melee range, then give him a face full of lead, or, alternatively, keep kicking the shit out of him with melee attacks. The two outcomes: a dead hunter corpse face planting the curb, or a split second of a the hunter looking right into your eyes, knowing that he is, most certainly, screwed. Both good ways to teach the noobs about the chain of command.

The Predator Missile
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2



Ever see some crappy snot-nosed brat burning ants with a magnifying glass? It’s not very nice is it? But there is one difference between ants and noobs – noobs get to respawn. So it’s a bit less mean. So, we can focus as much light on noobs as we want, as long as by “magnifying glass” you mean “big-ass plane”, and as long as by “light” you mean “big-ass missile”. After acquiring a kill-streak of 5 in any type of match, you will get control of the deadly Predator missile, which you control from launch to boom as it hurtles towards ground. Even better, all the noobs are highlighted with a red box – something I refer to as the “Noob Cube”. Death is swift and very satisfying for the killer, especially when he can watch the explosion from half a mile away on a comfortable beach with many prostitutes. Or something.

The Chip Damage Kill
Street Fighter IV



I didn’t want to include purely shooters in this list, so here’s a lovely alternative way to put the beat down on the nooby noob noobs. ‘Chip Damage’, in SFIV terms, is the slight amount of damage a fighter takes if he blocks an opponent’s attack. A chip damage kill is exactly what you’d expect – a time where that slight bit of damage that ends up putting your rival on the canvas and makes you the victor. And to the victor go the spoils, mainly the spoils of yelling ‘You can try and block, but it won’t stop me because I’M TOTALLY AWESOME LIKE THAT!!!!’. Bonus points come from achieving this kill from a Super/Ultra Combo, so your nooby counterpart can see his character get beaten down to a fine powder without any way to stop it. One lesson is ultimately learned: blocking is for pussies.

The Fickle Companion
Braid



Of course, just because a game is single-player doesn’t mean you have to give up the chance for some noob pwning. Recommend one of your gamer friends indie platforming game Braid (preferably one of the noobier of your friends) and have him/her play through it. Wait as long as it takes until you get a phone call – he will undoubtedly ask you to help him with the solution to the Fickle Companion level, a level so fiendish and evil that the Devil himself still chokes his speed-runs because of it. The clever bit comes thus: you’ll tell him the solution, he’ll go “OMG IT WAS SO SIMPLE” and you retort with “YES IT WAS SIMPLE YOU DAMN NOOB!” Not only did you pwn his face…you pwned his MIND.

The Finger Gun
Team Fortress 2…again



We come back to Team Fortress, but for a damn good reason, as this is probably the most fun and humiliating ways to destroy a noob there has ever been, and probably that there ever will be. To start, join a game, play as the Heavy class, equip your…er…fists, and press the G button. You will see the Heavy make the ‘finger gun’ gesture and say ‘POW!’. And it’s all very funny because lolololol it’s not really a gun is it? You’re wrong. Try doing the taunt in front of an enemy now. If all goes well, you’ll notice that the enemy is now dead. Its that simple. Well, I say it’s that simple, it’ll probably be quite a while before you pull it off, but when you do…sweet Lincoln’s beard, you’ll feel like a god among men. You destroyed your opponent, unarmed, firing an IMAGINARY GUN. It’s a profound state of consciousness indeed, and it makes me saddened to think what some of the great thinkers of yesteryear are missing at this moment. One thing is for certain though, you killed your opponent with no guns, no knives, no weapons at all – you killed the noob with only your thumb and your index finger, and if that isn’t the most embarrassing and humiliating way to pwn a noob, then I’ll eat my low quality concrete walls. Master this move, and you will be the PWN-AGEDDON.

So, that about wraps it up. Read this article, re-read it, study every sentence, every word, every syllable, every letter, and then go out onto the internet, and teach the noobs of today what’s what. And be proud – this salvation through destruction will allow these noobs to join the l33ts, and maybe teach a few noobs for themselves.

Good night, and god bless.

Miles Pilkington does certainly not make a habit of pwning noobs, but it just kinda…happens. Unless he’s writing self-indulgent articles like this, he generally doesn’t make too much of it.

[WARNING: This article is packed full of yummy Mass Effect 2 spoilers, which, while high in fiber, will ruin your enjoyment of the game if you have foolishly not played it yet. Now eat your broccoli.]

So, I returned to university a few weeks ago, after having a very leisurely Easter break at home. It was, in fact, exceptionally leisurely, since my house contained an Xbox, a DS, and a fuck-tonne of cheap (but in no way pirated at all, honest), shiny, lovely current-gen games to work through. The crushing reality of me being back at campus, videogame-less, (crappy laptop that can hardly play Team Fortress at lowest setting notwithstanding) is just starting to hit home, but I figured I’d look back on that beautiful 3 weeks of lethargy by writing some crap about some games. One game literally blew my cock off, one of them was such a disappointment that my cock jumped firmly back into place, and two others made my cock slightly indifferent. This week, we’ll look at the penis-explodingly good example, which is Bioware’s Mass Effect 2.



Now, Mass Effect 2 was a game I was hideously looking forward too. The original installment would quite happily sit in the list of my favourite games this generation – sure, the combat was a bit repetitive towards the end, and it was very conversation-heavy at best and mind-numbingly boring at worst, but what cemented Mass Effect 1 as an awesome game for me was the brilliant new universe that Bioware had created. The beautiful environments, all the different alien races, and an optional expanded universe that you could lose Noah’s Ark in. It was a shining example of what most developers at the time were not doing – a new, imaginative IP in the midst of Sequel Town, USA.

This is what had me slightly worried about Mass Effect 2. Sure, I was excited to be able to jump into this universe again, but the fact that it wouldn’t be as new and exciting as in Mass Effect 1 gave me the feeling that Mr. Dodgy Combat and Mrs. Boring McChatty might just irritate me more than the story pleased me. Luckily, that didn’t happen. It didn’t happen a LOT. Mr. Combat and Mrs. McChatty had long since moved out of the Citadel, leaving a space open for Mr. Awesome Character Development and Mrs…er…well, tortured metaphors aside, it’s a bloody brilliant piece of game pie.

So, we’re back with everyone’s favourite gruff human space-man Commander Shepard. He’s been told to clear out the last of the geth (the main baddies of the last installment) from the universe, and that’s what he’s doing. Then, about five minutes later, a big ol’ ship appears out of nowhere and dicks them over royally, destroying the ship, most of the crew, and killing Commander Shepard. But of course, Shepard is humanity’s golden boy, so they find his mangled body, take some high-quality science and rebuild him Six-Million-Dollar man style, just in time for him to take on another “biggest threat to humanity”. As far as the plot goes it seems quite obvious that BioWare seem to be just killing time until Mass Effect 3 – a brand new enemy is introduced at the start and all trace of them is destroyed by the end, almost like a sitcom having plot points resolved within one episode to keep the status quo for the next one to begin anew. I was disappointed that Shepard’s fight against the Reapers had been put on hold despite him swearing vengeance against them at the end of ME1. That’s not to say it’s not good, not at all, the script is one of the best examples of video-game writing I can think of, and to drive the gameplay the plot works just fine, but I would’ve liked to see a bigger part for the ongoing fight against the Reapers.



One thing that is exceptional in ME2, and has no close rivals for any other story driven game, is the character development. The main objective in the game is to recruit a space-warrior super all-star tag team to take the fight to the Collector’s base (that “biggest threat to humanity” I mentioned before) in what is thought to be a suicide mission for all concerned. Each member of your team has a recruitment mission, as well as a mission to gain their loyalty, usually some kind of personal favour or helping them exact vengeance on an old enemy. Each mission fleshes out the character beautifully, and if you combine that with the optional conversations (and love stories) you can have with them, you’ll end up with a main cast that feels like family. You’ll meet some old hands from ME1, but most of your team will be brand new, and all of them have different personalities and characters, from fast talking genius Mordin, rage-filled biotic powerhouse Jack, all the way to adolescent test-tube alien Grunt. Not every character is interesting, however. Jacob and Miranda (the two human team members) are kind of boring, but hey, in a world packed with different alien races, humans are boring, and not even good writing can change that fact. This immensely powerful bond with your team hits critical mass when you reach the aforementioned suicide mission, and, while I only ending up losing one member of my team, I can honestly say I was shitting bricks throughout the whole mission, hoping and praying that the majority of my team would survive the ordeal.

Another thing that should be mentioned is, if you carry on the story by loading up your old ME1 Shepard, your choices from the last game carry over to this one. While it’s a nice touch in making you a bit more immersed, the difference it makes to the overall plot is mostly superficial, generally only being acknowledged with a quick mention of something you did back in the old days by one of your teammates.

While the great storytelling is one thing I wanted to be carried over from ME1, the repetitive and clunky combat is something I wanted to be changed quite drastically. Luckily, it was. The action-RPG formula of ME1 has been given a bit more of a nudge towards the action side of things, with the gunplay essentially being a cover based shooter akin to Gears of War. Gunfights are action-packed, streamlined and memorable, with the varied environments and sharpened enemy AI ensuring that the old ME1 repetitiveness is kept firmly at bay. Plus, it’s a lovely feeling to shoot a robot’s head off with a satisfying clunk, for the robot to then explode and take out half of his robotic chums. The RPG side of the game is also simplified somewhat from ME2. Each of the 6 classes available has 4 abilities to their credit, all of which can be upgraded and powered up with skill points. Obviously, you gain skill points by leveling up, and you level up by gaining experience points, but, perhaps a bit less obviously, you now don’t receive XP for each successful kill, instead, only receiving XP for successful completion of missions, which could be recruiting a team member, killing a bunch of dudes, or just helping out random folk in the many hub worlds with their slight problems. This new XP system struck me as odd at first, but on closer inspection, it is a good way to alleviate the level-grinding of other RPGs, and also means you must explore every corner of the universe in order to hit the level cap of 30, meaning the journey to max out your character is perhaps less grueling than in other RPGs.



The conversation wheel makes a return here as well, with you being able to tailor your responses to seem like Shepard the Holy Saint or Shepard the Asshat. Business as usual, this is a BioWare game after all. The format isn’t hugely changed from ME1, but subtle differences like slight camera movements, and the improved body language of Shepard and his conversationee do a lot to make the conversation process less boring, as well as being able to interrupt your conversational partner with special Paragon or Renegade actions, which could range from embracing a crying victim to kicking a dude out of a 5 story window. Still, a few problems from the old game still linger – people will reel off their life story at the slightest provocation, and, outside of your main crew, it’s generally not an interesting one. However, credit must be given to the sheer volume of voice acting work done, with 90% of it being very high quality (again, Shepard himself seems to have the emotions of a baked potato), as well as it mostly being very well written (but again, this is BioWare we’re talking about).

On the graphics side of things, it’s a very pretty game, especially the environments. Each place is new and exciting, balancing just the right about of gritty realism with shiny bloom effects. Gunfights as well look like the shit – bullets and sparks flying everywhere, realistic looking explosion, and all with very little framerate issues (although the game actually crashed during one of the busier battles, I’m probably gonna blame that on my aging Xbox). Character models, however, are a bit hit and miss. Models for all the varieties of alien look absolutely sublime - skin cells, scales, bug eyes, mouth feelers and silly costumes are all lovingly and beautifully rendered. However, this is in sharp contrast to the human models, which, in my opinion, look like Ken and Barbie models made out of low quality clay. Except for maybe the facial hair on the males. That looks sweeeet.



If you didn’t quite get my opinion of the game from the 1,630 words above, I’ll share this with you: after I beat ME2 for the first time, I had the choice to roll a new character, or play FFXIII , Arkham Asylum or Pokémon HeartGold instead. And I chose the first option. There really are no words to describe how good this game is (unless you count the words FUCKING MEGA CUNTING AWESOME), it is easily the best video game there has been for many years, and will please shooter and RPG fans alike with its tight gameplay its not too intrusive yet not too simple RPG elements, the return of the wonderful Mass Effect universe, and the outstanding main cast which holds the whole package together. Ten out of ten, five starts, A+, an absolutely sublime experience from beginning to end, and cemented in my mind as the second best game ever made*, it is something that PC and Xbox owners should buy…nay, MUST buy. Seriously. Go. Go buy it. Go buy it right now. Honest. It’s fucking awesome.

[i]
Be here next Wednesday where I’ll be talking about Final Fantasy XIII, and my resulting constipation troubles.[/i]

*Final Fantasy VII takes the top spot, but, to be honest, I don’t see anything beating that any time soon.

[Authors Note: Whilst most of this doesn't fit my general opinion of recent Sonic games (I actually think most of the 3-D Sonics were quite good), I figured, given the general opinion on Sonic these days, this might be something quite interesting to write. And hey, interesting articles make the front page, right?]

Today, on Friday the 24th of January, 2020, we mourn the passing of a once great videogaming giant, Sonic The Hedgehog. Many remember him from his glory days from the fourth-generation 16-bit console the Sega Genesis (the last surviving, and working, version of which is now housed in the Museum of Science and Technology), however, many more will probably be knowledgeable of his infamous decline and economic failure within the video game world in the past few years, one which would eventually spell the end of Sonic Team and which almost knocked long-time video game company Sega off the gaming map.

Many will write this failure off as part of a new trend in the last decade of long-standing IPs losing audience and profit after the ninth-generation consoles hit the market, with big names such as Mega Man and Final Fantasy now only long-standing memories in the minds of the oldest videogamers, along with the steadly decline of Nintendo's mega-mascot Mario (Super Mario Galaxy 4 met with horrible sales figures and mixed reviews, most people citing the fact that the promotion of Toad to player character and main protagonist was a horrible decision on Nintendo's part). But others will believe this to be a tragic loss to the world of videogaming, a loss which will shake the industry to its very core and change the face of interactive entertainment forever. Come, as we pay our last respects to Sonic the Hedgehog.



Sonic the Hedgehog was born in April, 1990, commissioned by Sega and developed as a mascot for the company. The five-man team (known hereafter as Sonic Team) settled on Sonic as the mascot, an anthropomorphic hedgehog with the power to run at ultra-high speeds. The game was built and developed over a period of 14 months, with the end result being Sonic the Hedgehog, the inaugural game in what would become Sega's flagship videogame series. It stood out from other platform games at the time due to its emphasis on speed and style, with the ability to gain bonus points if levels were traversed quickly, and the inclusion of ramps, springs, and loop-de-loops as part of what would be the games signature aesthetic, as well as having a catchy and speedy soundtrack that many fans continue to listen to now. The game was met with critical acclaim and high sales figures, eventually leading to Sega's Genesis to outsell Nintendo's Super Famicom by almost two to one, and giving Sega 65% of the 16-bit home console market during the 1991 holiday season. The game sold 4 million copies, which would made it the second highest selling game on the Genesis ever (only being outsold by its sequel, Sonic The Hedgehog 2). Riding on the huge wave of success and acclaim that followed, Sega released three sequels of the game on the Genesis: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Sonic the Hedgehog 3, and Sonic and Knuckles, all three of which kept to the first games original formula of high speed 2D platforming, with loops, springs and ramps intact, whilst also allowing you to play as 2 new characters, Miles “Tails” Prower, and Knuckles the Enchinda, both of which had their own special abilities, whilst still reatining Sonic's trademark speed. Many spinoffs of the game were made, including Sonic Spinball, the cart racing game Sonic Drift, and puzzle game Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine, along with many 8-bit iterationss of the original games on the Game Gear and Master System. The 32-bit generation also saw many games in the Sonic franchise, including Knuckles Chaotix and [i]Flickie's Island.

[/i]
When the sixth generation of videogaming rolled around, the Sonic franchise made a move that many consider was an early start to his eventual downfall – the move to the third dimension. Hoping to follow in the wake of the success of Mario's jump to 3-D with Mario 64, Sonic Team released Sonic Adventure for the Dreamcast in 1999, again, to huge sales (the game becoming the highest seller ever on the Dreamcast) and critical acclaim. Sonic's trademark speed and innovative gameplay had, according to critics, stuck the landing in 3-D, however, not all fans of the series agreed. Many were of the opinion that this was the worst move Sonic Team ever made with their franchise, with the speedy gameplay being difficult to control over three dimensions. Criticisms were also leveled at Sonic's ever expanding group of friends, with new characters like Amy Rose, Big the Cat, and the robot E-102 Gamma joining Sonic for the ride. Despite this, the profits and acclaim for the franchise caused them to develop Sonic Adventure 2, a game which, again, received critical acclaim and high sales figures, with many calling it “the last great game for the Dreamcast”. But again, hardcore fans of the original Sonic games found the same faults, with high speed platforming not working in 3-D, and the cast of characters being expanded still more.

As videogaming traveled through its seventh-generation, Sonic Heroes was the next game to be released in the franchise, and was the first in the series to be released across multiple platforms (what with the production of the Dreamcast having long since stopped). While the high sales still held, the critical acclaim had taken a slight dent, with the game receiving mixed reviews across all platforms – this game was where even fans of Sonic in 3-D were seeing the franchise go astray somewhat. This was not helped by next main releases in the Sonic series, namely, Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic 2006. Both games received, again, reasonably high sales figures, but both were critically panned, notably Sonic 2006, which was criticized for its horrible controls and outrageous plot. Fans screamed for a new major 2-D Sonic release, claiming that handheld iterations, which stayed true to the original series, were far better experiences, and pleaded with Sonic Team to see the error of their ways. And Sonic Team listened – a bit. New release Sonic Unleashed featured both 2-D and 3-D section to the main Sonic levels, and was met with high acclaim, with some claiming the gameplay as “the funnest Sonic experience in years”. But, what Sonic Team gave with one hand, they took with the other, with the addition of duel-world gameplay and the introduction of the near-universally hated Sonic the Werehog. The game switched between normal speedy Sonic play and slow, sluggish Werehog play, and whilst the faster Sonic sections were praised, the addition of the Werehog levels cause reviews of the game to be very much mixed.



Keeping with the seventh-generation, Sonic Team's next big release was Project Needlemouse (which was claimed to be a code-name, yet ended up being the actual title of the release.) The game went through heavy marketing pre-release, with emphasis that the game was a “fully 2-D adventure built from the ground up”. Its release in June 2010 signifies a landmark moment for Sonic fans – critical acclaim of the game was the highest of the entire franchise and was one of the most well-received games of all time, tying with The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time with a Metascore of 99 (with Jim Sterling of Destructoid keeping the game from a perfect 100 with the only non-perfect score of 9.5). Reviewers universally agreed that the old-school gameplay mixed with the picturesque HD-graphics was a flawless combination, with one reviewer saying: “Think of the best combinations that mankind has produced. Gin and tonic, peanut butter and jelly, fish and chips. All of these things pale in comparison to the flawless concoction that is Project Needlemouse.” Fans and critics alike agreed that this was the game that would reinvigorate the series, and that Sonic would again reign supreme over the videogaming world.

However, they were wrong. Despite overwhelmingly good write-ups, Project Needlemouse suffered from very poor sales, with many thinking that the generation of gamers that made up 80% of the market at the time wouldn't even consider a game that only worked in two dimensions, and would rather “not waste” their expensive console on such an archaic game. Others think that the fact that the game was overshadowed by the surprise announcement and release of Activision's Modern Warfare 3, which was released the day before Project Needlemouse. After a month on shelves, Project Needlemouse had only sold 50,000 copies worldwide, and eventually only sold 200,000 copies before SEGA stopped printing of new game discs. In the end, SEGA announced that the next game in the Sonic series would be back in 3-D, and not long after, nearly all employees of Sonic Team retired from their positions, leaving many to wonder as to whether SEGA had given the Sonic Team the ultimatum of “make it in 3-D or find new jobs”, a theory which was confirmed by ex-Sonic Team illustrator Yuji Uekawa in an interview with Gamespot: “Project Needlehouse was special, almost everybody who played it loved it, yet its poor sales caused the hot shots at SEGA to think that 3-D is the only thing that would sell. They said our funding for the next Sonic title would be cut unless we agreed to do it in 3-D, and many of us were very unhappy with that, so we left.”



In the end, SEGA replaced all of the missing workers from Sonic Team and work began on a new title, Sonic Rampage. In order to win back their lost fanbase from Needlemouse, heavy marketing was deployed, emphasising Sonic's return to 3-D and the introduction of five new playable characters, elements which correlated with the games previous high sales. In response to this, hardcore fans of Project Needlemouse organised a boycott and petition, which nearly 400,000 people signed (oddly, twice as many people as there were copies of the game sold). In March 2012, Sonic Rampage hit store shelves, and as SEGA had predicted, the sales figures improved upon Project Needlemouse, but not by very much. 150,000 copies were sold in the first month, with 400,000 being sold overall, again, one of the lowest sales figures for a major Sonic title. The game was also critically panned due to substandard gameplay, horrible plot, voice acting and new characters, the return of Sonic the Werehog, and a bad soundtrack which many reviewers considered was the first overly bad soundtrack to a Sonic game ever. Many reviewers also commented in their reviews about SEGA's stupid decision to force the development of a 3-D title just to improve sales, especially considering the overwhelming critical response to Project Needlemouse.

These poor, inconsistent sales led SEGA and Sonic Team to question the appeal of the orginal Sonic format, and whether they should experiment with the forumla. After these discussions, they announced Sonic: Code Blue, the first in a planned series of four Sonic RPGs. The press release talked of an “action RPG battle system in which Sonic and two of his friends fight enemys, with weapons such as swords, guns and explosives,” and “a mature, emotional plotline which might appeal to the now older patrons of the original Sonic games”. Response to the announcement was mostly negative, however many people were curious as to how the game might play out, whilst aware of the fact that the last time Sonic was presented in a more mature manner (namely, Shadow the Hedgehog) was a sizeable failure. Sonic: Code Blue was released on the 8th of November 2015, to mixed reviews and medicore sales, with the general consensus being that, while the RPG system was solid, it had been done far better in other games. However, the new plot was universally hated by fans and reviewers alike, as was the fact that Sonic's trademark speed was almost fully omitted, with only the addition of a “Quick Dodge” during fight sequences hinting that Sonic was ever fast in the first place. The next installment in the series dropped the Sonic moniker altogether, being released exactly a year later, simply called Code Yellow. The battle system underwent a complete overhaul, switching from action RPG to turn-based combat. The game was critically detested, scoring a pitiful 24 on Metacritic, one of the lowest in history. GameSpy were noted as saying “again, the RPG fighting is fine, but totally generic, but the criticism is why we're playing an RPG in the first place! Sonic's speed is not here, the plot is terrible, this is really just a standard JRPG with anthropomorphic woodland creatures replacing androgynous teenagers. And you know, if had just been a JRPG with androgynous teenagers I would probably be far kinder to it, but as it stands, its a testament to the phrase: “The bigger they are, the harder they fall.” And Sonic has fallen. Hard.”



Sales of the game nearly rivalled the economic failure of Project Needlemouse, and thus, SEGA decided to cancel the whole series entriely. Two years passed with no word from neither Sonic Team nor Sega, leading many to believe that the company had long since given up on the Sonic franchise once and for all. However, on Christmas Day 2018, Sonic Team announced that they had indeed been working on a new Sonic title in deadly secret, officially announcing it as Sonic Forever. Over the next few weeks, screencaps and viral videos depicting the new gameplay were leaked by the company, and from the footage and images, many believed that Sonic Forever would simply consist of levels not unlike the fast, daytime levels of Sonic Unleashed, and that this could possibly be the moment that Sonic claimed back his throne. However, a month after the announcement, the steady flow of screencaps and videos stopped, and Sonic Team again went silent for over two years. Then, on the 10th of January, 2020, Sonic Team had announced, that, due to staff lay-offs and lack of money (due to the economic recession of 2019), that Sonic Forever had been cancelled, and that the studio were to drop the Sonic series altogether, saying that “Sonic just doesn't have the same appeal that he had a decade ago, people are bored of him now. In the end, its just not economically viable to make any more game featuring Sonic anymore.”

Reception to this news was, like to many of the later Sonic games, very much mixed. Anticipation for Sonic Forever and love for the old Sonic fans led many to believe that this was the turning point that could kill the videogame industry, however, many other believed that this was the best decision SEGA ever made, and that Sonic was doing nothing but holding the company back. A week after the announcement, Sonic Team disbanded, and SEGA's dwindling funds almost sent them the same way. However, SEGA had gambled and pooled all of their resources into Bayonetta 3, which, after being released a week after the end of Sonic Team, went on to break sales records worldwide, saving the company from the brink of collapse.

So, after thirty years, half of glory, and half of shame, we pay our last respects to Sonic the Hedgehog. He will most certainly be remembered by the entire videogame community, for better, or for worse, and his influence on the medium of gaming is almost certainly rivalled by no other.


R.I.P. Sonic The Hedgehog, 1990-2020

So, Jim wrote a review of a game.
A lot of you didn't agree. Oh well. His bad review shouldn't alter YOUR perception of the game unless you are very insecure. So please STFU about it.

It is a shame though, because I REALLY liked Avatar too.



Incidentally, this is gonna look REALLY good on the weekend Cblog recaps.

Final Score: Finland/Norway