If there's anything that people love, it's Apple. Everyone loves the technology, everyone loves the minimalism.


Unfortunately, this isn't about that Apple.

The thing is though, is that there's a whole second Apple that got it's start back in 1980 that clearly supercede's our modern Apple with flash and pizazz to spare.

As some of you may know, there's two things I dabble in on a regular basis, gaming and watching shitty movies. This is the latter.

So, my Netflix arrived today. I have my Netflix queue full of MST3K episodes and shitty movies, since streaming Netflix is kinda light on the really CRAPPY movies. I thought I would be watching a shitty scifi movie, and instead find myself watching the gayest film that outgays gay porn.



The Apple - A SciFi musical that takes place in the futuristic world of 1994, something they re-emphasize constantly. It's got a musical number that looks like it was directly ripped off from Tommy, with a Roger Daltry look-a-like holding an apple next to a mirrored black chick.



Looks kinda like this?



No?

Oh, and there's a musical number in the middle of the film where the totalitarian government enforces mandatory choreographed exercise for all US citizens at 4pm every day.


Yep, it's this gay.

The Apple was produced by the same company that made all the Death Wish films, Superman IV, and Masters of the Universe.


Also possibly gay...


Prelude to some hot man-lovin.

Did I mention the film takes place in 1994? You know, THE FUTURE?!


Oh look, a trailer!

There's more glitter on men in this film than if every man in America kept a copy of Mariah Carey's movie in their pants.

On the upside, it's really fucking horrible and could be used in torture of unwilling prisoners of the US.

I watch it so you don't have to.

Your welcome.

11 out of 10 disco balls.