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About


I own a FamPuter, which is a 100% fake Famicom. And I do own Super Mario Bros. and Rockman 2 for it, which you don't. :P



I'm a 34 year old gamer. I cannot hang out with most of you, and you should not contact me to buy you cheap wine or cigarettes. I do not like jail. Seriously, I own all three consoles and I don't discriminate. Gaming is for fun, not for sissy slapfights. If you consider yourself partial to a particular console, I don't care why you don't own other consoles, I don't want to hear about it. If you're going to bitch about something, you'd better bring some hard evidence of why you're complaining if you want to cry on my shoulder.

Enjoy this wonderful picture of 2 generations coming together at last...



PS - I eat trolls.

PPS - I've been to Japan. Maybe you've heard about it? If not, read up here:

Part 1: Introductions
Part 2: Yamagata's Hanagasa Festival
Part 3: Harajuku Girls and the lack thereof
Part 4: You're not in Kansas anymore, Niero (TGS07)
Part 5: Fresh from the farm to your mouth
Part 6: Going to Japan is hard
Part 7: 30 days takes forever
Part 8: Rape, Rocks, and Alliteration
Part 9: Small Town Nightlife
Part 10: Bling Bling, Hundred Thousand Yen Bill Ya'll
Part 10 Part 2: Mount Yamadera
Part 11: The Japanese Wal-Mart
Part 12: Goin' Down to Tokyo Town
Part 13: Ghiblit Gravy
Part 14: Air Sex
Part 15: Ganguros of New Tokyo
Part 16: The Contest Announcement
Part 17: The Contest
Part 18: The Trip Itinerary
Part 19: Tokyo Day 2
Part 20: Tokyo Day 2 Part 2 (of 2)
Part 21 is no longer there, but it wasn't all that great anyway, so you're not missing out.
Part 22: Happy Picture Montage Time!
Part 23: I have arrived.
Part 24: I have returned.
Part 25: The Case for the American Cheeseburger
Part 26: Random pictures are random
Part 27: A Free Gift for Those Who've Been Paying Attention
Part 28: Nintendo, no seriously, NINTENDO
Part 29: Racists in Japan, Discriminating against the handicapped
Special Report from Cheapy D at CAG
Part 30: The Secret Truth About Japan
Part 31: Oz-Matsuri
Part 32: The Japanese Don't Have Antiperspirant Deodorant

Part 33: There's this Disney character named Stitch in Japan...
Part 34: Trainspotting: Live From Kyoto
Part 35: Kyoto for Beginners
Part 36: Kyoto Smash: Advance Lesson in Fun Time
Part 37: Some Japanese people are alcoholics
Part 38: Hardcore Otaku know where the real action is
Part 40: My attempt at getting the Oscar for Best Japanese Picture
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 42: I sneak into a movie studio to pitch my movie
Part 41: What heaven is like.
Part 43: My film idea is shot down in favor of yet another Power Rangers TV show
Part 44: Excessive Male Nudity in Japan
Part 45: The Japanese grocery store has no deli counter
Part 46: How the Japanese language is worked into Japan's society
Part 47: Izukayas and you: How the Japanese drink in public
Part 48: All you really need to know about the Tokyo Auto Show
Part 49: Gyudon Rocks.
Part 50: Tendo is the coolest place in all of Japan
Part 51: I really did poop immediately after that shot
Part 52: A Beginner's Guide to Tokyo Disney Sea
Part 53: There is no comparison. Cheeseburgers win.
Part 55: You've never had Tonkatsu, so you wouldn't understand
Part 56: Japanese iTunes for the Mac addict
Part 57: The other kind of Curry
Part 58: Popular Pop and "Lock" music in Japan
Part 59: I sing like how cats have sex
Part 60: The Iron Penis Festival
Part 61: A sad bit about racism in Japan
Part 9001: Electro Lemon's whirlwind visit to Tokyo
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And... it's on.

The clock is ticking, time is running out and you have but one month left in which to complete this last set of challenges.

Rather than bore with the usual commentary I'll let the pretty picture window do the talking thing.



So, what you need to learn from this is that there are 6 challenges. You have to beat as many as possible in a month's time.
I'm relying on both you and the opponent you're playing against to play a legitimate match and that it's not some "laydown" match where you beg and plea your opponent to take it easy on you for the sake of a few points. That's one of the reasons why you're playing who you're playing.

Beat each opponent on their selected game, by their rules, and net 200 points for each victory for a grand total of 1200 points.

And to elaborate a bit more on the opponents, their GamerTags, and the games you'll be playing:

Snaileb (GT: Snaileb)
Game: Gears of War
Rules: Beat Snaileb in a best of 7 PVP match in any gametype, Snaileb's choice of maps.
Advice: Good luck. Snail's 1,000 kills away from his Seriously... achievement, and he didn't get it from slacking around in-game. I've been told that smoking pot makes you unbeatable in this game, and I've yet to be disproven.

DJDuffy (GT: DJ Duffy) (There's a space in DJ and Duffy, FYI)
Game: Halo 3
Rules: Beat Duffy in a 25 point, 10 minute match on any map of her choosing.
Advice: Duffy may possibly be the best Canadian Halo 3 player on the planet. Add in her disarmingly sexy voice and you've got a deadly combination. I'd run and hide if I were you, but that won't get you any points, would it?

Butmac (GT: Butmac)
Game: Rainbow 6: Vegas
Rules: Beat Butmac in a 10 point match on the Streets map.
Advice: R6:V2 is for pussies, so sez Butmac. When he's not making videos, Butmac actually works as a mercenary for hire, working with disabled kids, wrestlers, and occasionally saving women from sketchy drug dealers in warehouses.


Butmac (left) and his crew

Take this knowledge with a large dose of salt and hope that he slips into one of his 'Nam flashbacks so you get a shot at taking him down.

-D- (GT: suckerpod)
Game: Burnout Paradise
Rules: Beat D's amazingly high score on the Showtime Event located on I-88 Section 2. His current high score is: $17,421,950. D has requested that despite that this can be done in single player, that you contact him on XBL so he can taunt you. If you manage to defeat D's score and he cannot back you up on doing so, you'll need to email me (at gmail.com) with photographic proof of your victory.
Advice: D's honed skills in finding Amazon deals has made him a bit of a speed demon. You see, Amazon recently decided to start charging Sales Tax for purchases made in his home state of NY, so he has to race over to Massachusetts as fast as possible daily to pick up those amazing deals from a PO box he has on the MA state border on his lunch break. My advice? Start doing dry runs by racing to the fridge for nachos constantly till you feel you're up to speed.

Blindsidesdork (GT: blindsidesdork)
Game: Team Fortress 2 (The OTHER game that comes with Portal and Half Life 2)
Rules: Simply beat BSD's team on the Dustbowl map. Nothing more, nothing less.
Advice: BSD is known to throw out comments about your mother, and the things he will do to your mother. My advice, keep your mom far, far, faaaar away from your headset while playing BSD on TF2, otherwise, you may end up with 2 losses on your hands.

DVDdesign (GT: Metalocalypse)
Game: Grand Theft Auto 4
Rules: It's a game of cat and mouse. Shark and license plate. Square peg and round hole. Yes, the most dangerous game. Literally. You must survive a 30 minute hunt in the streets of Liberty City. You have the entire city at your disposal in which to hide, run, and then hide some more. DVD will hunt your ass down and kill you if he finds you. 1 life to live. 1 kill means you lose. The match will be private, you will not be allowed to use weapons, as any form of self defense, whether by means of fisticuffs, gun, or molotov will automatically disqualify you from the match. In return DVD will not be using Rocket Launchers, helicopters, or auto-aim. You are free to use any form of car or public transport that will be in the game, but you are not allowed to use Helicopters at all. You'll have a 5 minute head start before the match begins if you so choose.
Advice: Run. Hide. Pray. DVD is coming to get you today.

(NOTE: I AM MOVING ON JUNE 20TH. I WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE ONLINE FOR AN UNDETERMINED AMOUNT OF TIME AFTER JUNE 20TH. THIS MAY DELAY IN ANNOUNCING THE WINNER, BUT IT WILL BE DONE SOON AFTER JULY 1ST. PLEASE CONTACT ME @gmail.com AFTER THIS DATE WITH QUESTIONS. ALL GTA4 GAMES WITH DVD MUST BE PLAYED BEFORE JUNE 20TH.)

As stated earlier, each opponent you defeat is worth 200 points. You do the math. Someone's gonna win. What will it be, Mr. Winner? 4000 MS points or a year of Xbox Live Gold?

YOU DECIDE, WE DIE.

KILL THE CBM.



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