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Overview: The Phantom Menace - Destructoid




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Hey. If you are reading this then that means you have found my blog. It's not hard to miss though, but it's nice to see that someone is reading it. Not much to go on than what I've written over there.
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I also try not to spoil any game. No matter if it's old or new.

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Stealthmaster has evolved into Blinking Pixels

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IN THAT YEAR BEFORE THE BIG BANG

To set you to the mindset of The Phantom Menace, you have to take a look back at the year 1999. The Matrix came out, Justin Timberlake was in a boy band, and everyone was looking forward to a little movie called Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace. It would be the first part of a trilogy that shows the downfall of Anakin Skywalker and his path to the Dark Side. Anakin Skywalker would be the father of Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. We saw the end, now see the beginning. Much like most summer blockbusters, there was a ton of publicity about it and movie tie ins. Food, toys, clothes, you name it. It was hard to avoid. Then the movie came out. I was 13 at the time, so I did not see the flaws everyone else did, but after seeing it again a few years ago, I can see why. Not to say that the movie was a complete disaster, the pod racing and the fight between Darth Maul, Qui Gon Jinn, and Obi Wan Kenobi is awesome. But other than that, itís not even worth watching the entire film. You can easily find film clips online if you need to scratch that weird scratch. The only way I would watch the full film, and Episode Two, would be if I decided to marathon the entire series. If the movie was a disappointment, what about the game? Maybe it was like X-Men Origins where the game was much better than the movie?† Itís much worse than that. This game does the ultimate sin, it's boring. You might as well just sit there staring at the sky than to play this. At least you can form your own Star Wars story in your head.

HEY BATTER BATTER BATTER!

It fails before it even begins. They assume that you saw the movie, and know of the back story. If you did not see the movie before playing this game, too bad, there is no famous scroll that tells you what is going on before the game starts.† Then the voices begins. I can see why the stars of the film would not want to be in it, like Ewan McGregor or Liam Neeson, mostly likely because they are filming the movie as this game was being made, so they would be too busy for voice overs. The voice actors do sound like them to a degree, but itís just so boring and monotone that you can tell that they are there to read lines, and nothing else. Thereís a difference between acting the script, and reading the script. After a thirty second cut scene, you are now in control. The game is in isometric view, but you have no control over what you will see.




Once combat does begins it feels more like playing Baseball. You take the light saber and swing it like an idiot. As the droids fire their blasters, the beam comes at you like a ball, and you hit with your weapon like a bat. You can get closer, but the health drains so fast that itís better to just stand back. You have other weapons like a grenade and a blaster, but being a Jedi, thereís no use for them. Your starting force power is the Push, but its range is pathetic and therefore useless. Easy to use in a bind, but not something that you will use as part of game play. The controls are awkward and it feels that you are moving the environment, not the character themselves.† Once you hit Level Two, this is when the controls becomes worse. After meeting up with Jar Jar Binks, yes THAT Jar Jar, you have to do a bit of platforming. Because the controls are awkward, the jumping is just as awkward, if not worse. Itís to be expected to miss your jump a few times, but it should be your fault, and not the fault of the controller. Thereís really not much this game has to offer. The game is boring, it looks terrible, and it's a movie tie in to a movie that only has very few redeeming parts in them. Just do what you are doing, and stay away.

IT'S NOT WORTH IT

If there is one good thing about this game is that it comes with The Duel of the Fates music video, but in the age of YouTube, this is no longer a good thing. The sound quality is poor and the video looks cheap as well. Better to find an HD version of it than waste time watching a small cheap version of it.



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