PS3 is EMO! - Destructoid

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9:00 AM on 07.13.2007

I was just having a convo with fellow clogger/commenter/poster -D- and we were talking about the PLAYSTATION 3. Talking about how the new ones after July will not have this emotion engine/chip or whatever it is called and then he called it emo, and then it clicked.

The PS3 is SO fricking emo and it is a huge ploy from Sony to try to attract the teenie bopper kids with their falloutboy/mychemicalromance/takingbacksunday suckie emo music! Why do I say this? Let's take a look.

Emotion Chip - Emo stands for emotional, so they have emotion running in the system so it can cry on demand.

Color - It is frickin' black! Emo kids are sad and complain about life and dreariness which is usually refered to color black. Heck, they tend to wear a lot of black too!

Logo - Now here you might be confused so I will explain. Look at the logo for the PS3 on the system. Familiar? If you didn't know, it is the same typeface(font) for the Spiderman movies. Why does this have any relevance? Have you SEEN Spiderman 3? Peter Parker gets the symbiote all in his red/blueness and when he first leaves his costume, he looks a bit different what is it? You wonder and then you see him stop, look in a window and fix his combing it in his eyes! He turned EMO! Not only that, but he is testy. He has a real attitude like most emo kids, "It's NOT emo! It's Indie Rock! I'm so misunderstood" hahaha! Also if you look closely at Parker, you can see he has eyeliner on like any a good number of emos out there. PS3 is trying to be like Peter Parker/black spiderdude...emo!

SIXAXIS - Say wha? How is this emo you say? What does this controller do? It tilts in directions but you. That's it. No rumble, no shakin'! Go to an Emo show and what do you say, a bunch of emo's standing around doing nothing! They aren't moving to the music (reaction), maybe a sway here and there but that is cause they are being held by another emo and crying together and tilting each other but they don't move!!! They have no rumble. Now I know you will say, "But BlindsideDork, they are remaking the SIXAXIS to rumble." Sure they are, cause everyone made fun of them for being emo and not moving so they had to change it up. Same with the Emotion chip, they made fun of them and now they are getting an emulator to do the same thing, but less emo.

PlayStation Network (PSN) - Xbox Live is all popular and is doing a good job and what it does. But the PS3 has come up with the PSN. It is suppose to be the same thing but for less money cause it is free. Why are they doing this? Cause they want you to like it! PS3 is like, "Ooooh, play with me! Buy me! I won't charge you more money to do things online right friends, so PLEASE like me? PLEASE be my friend?"

PS2 Upscaling - Sony knew that a lot of emo kids probably owned a PlayStation 2, so why not try to continue attracting them with the PS2 side of things. You can upscale your old games to make them look pretty. Sure that is nice and not so emo but the emo kids can play their old games on it. But more importantly...emo kids like the old stuff like old emo bands! And they dress like the "back-in-the-day" nerds, so they are all about that old look, the old games.

Sturdy Box - (Warning: this one could be a little taboo and/or "graphicish") Now I don't mean the box it comes it but the console shell itself. It is sturdy and strong with low failure rate. But why does it matter? Cause emo kids are sturdy. Sure they are skin and bones with tight clothes but they are sturdy. I mean how many of you could stand slicin' and dicin' your wrists so much without keeling over? They slice when sad and they are still around. Now this is where the failure rate comes in, they don't fail at what they are doing. The ones who want to commit suicide, they do it and succeed. The ones who are looking to "relieve" the pain, cut and successfully do it without dying. So their failure rate is low and can withstand the cuts.

Understanding - It is often said that the PS3 is not and will not be fully understood and what it's capabilities are and could be. There is always the talk of it curing cancer or doing other fantabulous things but will we see that happen? It is the same thing with this darn EMO kids! They always say how the world doesn't understand them. They are so misunderstood and no one listens to them about the great ideas they have. It is a shame, we might never read the PS3's poem about how much it really likes us, especially Europe (they have a serious thing going on).

Final Fantasy Games - Thanks to A1HK I was reminded of another reason of the emoness...have you see any screenshots of Final Fantasy XIII? That should be enough but if you didnt't know, most Final Fantasy games come out on Sony's platforms (except for the DS, cause that just rules) and they are often filled to the brim with many effeminate male characters. I know half the time I look at pics I have to becareful from thinking bad thoughts cause I can never be too sure if it is actually a female character! Darn those "guys" with their perfectly combed hair in their faces.

Granted a few of these are not strong cases but others make up for them. They all do point towards the same thing though, PS3 is frickin' EMO! That isn't to say that sometimes a little emo is ok, but in VERY small doses! Otherwise as Snaileb would say, it is a bad thing (couldn't find a link to Snaileb's anti-emo blog, sorry).

Oh Sony, you thought you had us fooled but I figured you out! Darn you! You emo kid, you.
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