The movie director we all hate to love...err, I mean love to hate, Uwe Boll, is back with his latest sacrili...I mean adaptation of a video game to a movie. Shown in four theaters and a handful actually sitting through it it is now on DVD/Bluray and I had to see it and I did.



Trailer - It looks much better in trailer form


Plot: A guy having a bad day is driven to violence in an overly done satire. It's supposed to be offensive.


My Review: Unfortunately I was unable to secure a Bluray rental so I had to settle with the standard DVD version, sad right? How could I do a review on an epic movie such like this on a lesser quality? Well I had to review this so you didn't have to. Now I haven't played the game but I'll do my best to compare this to what I know of the game, or not.

Suprisingly, some critics (apparently 2 out of the 3 positive reviews came from the same site) enjoyed this movie with laughter. Some being very little but more than none. Heralded as his best film, it is a satire. Well an attempt at satire from my prospective. It is satire at an overdone level.



It starts off with a jab at the 9/11 incident that makes a joke saying that it is the American's fault for the planes crashing into the tower. I can see the angle with the virgins joke that plays on for a little in the film but it failed to bring laughter too my life. It isn't until Zack Ward stepped into the picture that I started to get excited. Not cause of the movie but because I generally like him as an actor. This probably originated from his co-starring in Titus. But initial appearance didn't leave me gasping for hope. His character is not a post man (never confirmed in the game) but an recently laid-off factory worker having a bad day and in the wrong place at the wrong time.



It wasn't until his interview/job satire that I had my first initial giggle. Of course, I feel slightly embarassed for laughing at the chair gag, but it was the first of not many. I laughed at this but not at the satire. At this point I realized Postal reminds me of the awful movie American Dreamz. Both are overly done satires that joke on the president and Al Kaeda and both lack in laughs.

Shortly after this giggle, you are treating to the satire on cults. This isn't so bad as it leads to hot chicks. That's not all it leads to though. Dave Foley steps in as the "false prophet" leading D.O.O.M. (forget what it stands for) which is inevitably just a ploy to smoke and get with some hot gullible chicks. One scene Dave is awoken with four of them in his bed, one of them wanting communion, oh yes she does! The unfortunate part about this is immediately after the females leave we are "treated" to an unnecessary male genitial showing and it isn't a flash. Was the barely naked girls necessary? No, but they are more likely in an action film but I suppose that nude aspect is a satire too. Although Boll thinks Alone in the Dark failed cause Tara Reid wouldn't go topless. So he throws in a simulated cunilingous act performed by a girl in the background of a phone call to make it great?

As the story progresses, our protagonist needs money to get out of town as well as his uncle, Dave Foley, for his cult. They target a big toy delivery of a doll, that is in demand, in attempts to sell and make a profit. Only problem is that that terrorists are also targeting them since they contain something special. To achieve this, they must go to Little Germany where they have a festival to hand out these toys. Mind you the toys are sold to childrean and are shaped as male genitalia. The owner of the place is none other than Uwe Boll.



Now since this is satire, I had a brief chuckle on the inside when he is interviewed and told that he takes video games and turn them into hit movies. Good one! There is mentioning of how he gets the money to make the games and eventually he says he hates video games. To add to it, he does die but it could've been more satisfying but I am not sure if anything would be able to quench that thirst. Another wierd thing happens when the director/creator/or something of the Postal series appears in the film. He attacks Boll for hurting his movie. Boll's response was "but Postal is a good movie!" So in the movie the dialogue calls it bad and then says it is good but the movie wasn't even finished and you know what? I don't really care.

When the game dev appears, that is when the movie starts to pick up as much as it can. This is cause the action appears but it starts off on the wrong foot. The festival is for kids and well it is just a bunch of kids being killed. Kids and the handicap. I guess this is a bit of a satire on how it is taboo to kill kids in action movies but they show a lot of them get hit and even people in wheelchairs. Of course Mr. Ward jumps on stage just as this happens and everyone blames him. And since he stole a postal delivery truck to transport the toys, he is then labeled "postal dude."



I haven't played the game but I know of it. It is all about running around and not only decimating everyone, but cruelty to animals (kind of included) and urination (which thankfully wasn't included), but I didn't get the same feeling from the film. There was a scene when he is being chased down an alleyway that I got a slight impression of Postal but all the gun fights were very unsatisfying. They usually consist of poor aiming and people standing around firing. Some of it is over the top like shooting a car into pieces but it just wasn't that funny at all.



There is one other notable part that made me chuckle. It involves a short person and a bunch of monkeys. Yes, monkey! It wasn't exactly funny but just the most random thing ever that I couldn't help it. Doesn't make it right though.

So how the heck does Boll keep getting big name actors for his sucky movies? If you are approached by a director, aren't you going to check out his previous films? The pay can't be that good, can it? I mean some of these people are fairly well known and actually good at what they do. There were three that stood out the most. Dave Foley did a swell job as a con man and a suprising role by Chris Coppola that was fun to watch but I was a bit disappointed with Zack Ward's performance which sucks since he was the main person I was looking forward to. Those three really popped up for me but not always good. At least there were some attractive females that were able to pull off the attractive part?

As a bonus, on the DVD Uwe Boll included two bonus materials. The first is Verne Troyer dressed as Indiana Jones telling Harrison Ford that Postal is better than his movie (nope) and the other is footage of the boxing matches he had with critics. Among them is a 17 year old boy. So you make a movie and put a video of you beating on a 17 year old kid on it? facepalm anyone?


Conclusion: So is Postal worth your money? Not a purchase but maybe a rent just cause it is so bad. But not so bad that it is good. Don't get me wrong, I love those horrible movies that are just so great, this just isn't one of them. Postal is a satire gone bad and I think I enjoyed American Dreamz better. A satire that ties to hard. It is just like I said to some of the editors here,

"I just watched it...it isn't very good, I didn't laugh much and I feel there is more cock than boobs in it."


My Rating: 3 - FEW moments of laughter and a hot chick can't help this one.