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Blasto's blog

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Please you to meet me,yes?
Blasto \| 7:54 PM on 05.02.2009	23 comments

Hi! As I'm new and trying not to suck,here is my semi-manditory intro blog,yay! ...So,my IRL name is Doug and I'm a 35 yr old man-child from Springfield,MO (I live 2 blocks from The Simpsons,no lie :p ) I've been into gaming since essentially the beginning.My first console was a Columbia Home Arcade.You may be asking yourself "What in the name of Martha Stewart's sweaty,frosting dipped nipples is a Columbia fucking Home Arcade?".And you would be right to do so.The Columbia Home Arcade was an Atari 2600 clone distributed by Columbia House.You know,12 cds for a penny?Same shit.No big whoop,but it had awesome controllers with a great joystick,built in paddle and the fire on the side.Damn my nostalgic aged brain,here I am already digressing...

Anyway I love about any type of game from JRPG's to FPS's (excluding RTS's and MMO's,bleh).Consoles I currently own and play on are as follows:360,PS3,PS2,PSP,DS lite and a humble Genesis. Games I'm currently playing are:Persona 3:FES,Yakuza,Odin Sphere,Bujingai and Godhand on PS2;Silent Hill:Origins on PSP;Left 4 Dead on 360;Rythym Heaven,Professor Layton and Dementium on DS;Killzone 2 on PS3;and Land Stalker on Genesis.I also enjoy playing with my girlfriend Athena...tee hee.As for other interests,I have none as I weigh 900 pounds and have to be carried by forklift to the bathroom and my orifices (orifi?) exposed via a system of pulleys and levers for my evacuations.Har har just kidding;for now.Hey,a guy can dream can't he?

So,to wrap up,I've been lurking around her for over a year and as my testicles finally arrived today from Amazon (free shipping,yay!) I thought I should go ahead and bolster your ranks.There are many community members and staff here who've brought much joy to my life.I can't recall a day that I haven't literally LOL'D at least once while perusing the 'Toid,and for that I thank you all.One more thing,I'm typing this on my PS3,so if it looks funky please forgive me.May you all be blessed by the deity of your choice.As for myself,I choose Satan 'cause he's got the best tunes...

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21 comments | showing # 1 to 21

Blasto

dammit,I wish my laptop was operational . for some reason it attached my pic 4 times and left my 1st comment blank,freakin' shitty PS3 browser.Anyway,the pic is of me and my sister.I know,like anyone gives a shit lol...

Magnalon

Welcome! Thanks for being part of the 50% of new users who post a decent intro.

The username Blasto wasn't taken? Nice! My friend and I used to play it daily for a month.

How you liking God Hand? I have a review up in my blog backlog if you want to take a look at it.

CommanderPoopypants

Funny shit man. Nice job.

Blasto

@ Magnalon:thanks for the warm welcome man.I'm only around 2 or 3 levels into Godhand(can't quit playing Persona3,shits crazy lol),but I'm really digging it so far.I can see how opinion would be divided on it since it's a brawler with tank controls (albeit very GOOD tank controls lol) and a need to level up to get the sweet moves to keep your ass un-kicked,but I love it's style.Hey,I beat Xenogears so I think I can handle any frustrations it may have for me ;) .The PS3 browser won't let me see ur older posts,but I'll definitely check out your review when my laptop's back up.
@CommanderPoopypants:thanks,you Vin Diesel looking bastard :)

CelicaCrazed

Welcome to Destructoid. Good job on the intro!! You sound like you'll fit right in.

de BLOO

Ya dawg, you will fit rite in fo sho mo'!

Dont take anything too seriously. Except for SICKNASTY's dong tho, take that seriously.

ArcticFox

Welcome! Thanks for not sucking!

JoZo

Welcome welcome

Blasto

thanks guys.

@De Bloo: I rarely take shit seriously;except for dongs that is,dongs are serious business mang.

akathatoneguy

Welcome to the site! Great intro.

DTRiiX

"@De Bloo: I rarely take shit seriously;except for dongs that is,dongs are serious business mang"

that is a lie! remember on left 4 dead you got mad when i tried to save our team frm the tank and you yelled at me lol
you hurt my feelings bro

Blasto

@DTRiiX: I remember on L4D when our crew was in a boxed in area and you threw a molitov flippin' cocktail at the tank who was all up our ass,thereby lighting us all on FIRE while get zombie gang raped which led to us all DYING,fucker lol. and you know,I only yell because I care and want better things for you than I had ...fucker ;)

DTRiiX

@blasto yea but who was the only one to stop the other team when they were the tank...ME lol but yea u forget that the three of u hide in a cramped area and i was trying to produce lol cause i want the best for our team...even if i have to make sacrifices lol

Blasto

w/e :p

Char Aznable

I'm late to the party here, but welcome to Dtoid. Nice intro, you'll fit in well. Wasn't Blasto voiced by Phil Hartman?

I will never look at Martha Stewart the same after this blog.

Blasto

lol thanks Char,yep it was indeed Mr. Hartman.the game was actually released shortly after his untimely death :( ..and *FUN FACT: Mrs. Stewart actually does most of her non-televised baking nude,which ocassionally leads to the nipple-dipping I mentioned.she famously had a terrible incident involving fondue..* I know this to be 100% true as I read it on the interwebs :)

Elsa

Land Stalker... oh wow! I loved the spin-off game Time Stalkers on the Dreamcast... one of my fav games!!

(... and LOL on the "testicles" line!)

Nice to meet you! :)

Blasto

@ Elsa
I had no idea that they made a spin-off, damn! My secret shame is that the Dreamcast is one of the few consoles I've never owned :(

Cool to meet you to!

Also, unfortunately, no sooner had I received those testicles, my girl up and took them away! I keep trying to swipe them from her purse when she's napping, but I swear the woman sleeps with one eye open ;)

Blasto

*too :P

Blasto

"who I used to teabag after I killed you repeatedly in cod"... This is not a thing that happened. I am, however, retarded. Upside? Retards have huge cocks, it's science.

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about me

So... who am I?

Well, I am the guy who headshots you across the map while you're trying to n00b tube my spawn in Call of Duty..

I am the Hunter who pounces on you just as you're in sight of the safehouse in L4D...

I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!!! :0

...sorry, got carried away there :) Seriously, my name is Doug and I am a 35 year old, bi-pedal Earthbased land mammal.

The consoles I have are (in no order of preference):
Xbox 360
PS3 ->PSN ID: BlastAssassin<-
PS2
PSP
DS lite
Wii
And a good old Sega Genesis.

I've been on a PS2 kick lately, catching up on all the awesome games I've missed due to getting too caught up in all the big current gen games hype. I mean,I played Blue frickin' Dragon before Persona 3 !? That's a travesty; and one that I'm currently rectifying. Genres I enjoy (but am not limited to) are RPG's both action and turn-based (preferably WITHOUT random battles,SO annoying), puzzley-type action/adventure games, stealth action games, FPS's and Peggle, or "Crack" as I call it lol.

NVGR, I think Finland has something in the water that makes their Metal bands approximately 183% more awesome than bands from other countries, because there are SO many bands I like from there (Wintersun <3 ,Ensiferum etc.). I do like many styles of music besides Black/ Death/ Folk metal, but alot of people are familiar with the less extreme artists I like so I feel like I gotta pimp Finnish metal lol (*Jari M�enp�a is THE man*) .

I played drums for around 15 yrs, but haven't played in the last 11 (although I beast the SHIT out of Rockband and World Tour to keep my "hit shit with sticks" skill leveled up. Challenge me sometime... IF YEW GOT DAH BAWLS!) due to not having an appropriate (i.e. soundproof lol) place to setup in addition to work/life responsibilities (FYI: don't get into Health Information Management unless you LIKE something comparable to the sensation of smashing your cock/clit with a sledgehammer daily. And no,I don't think that's an exaggeration lol). But, I still have my sweet ass Tama Starclassic kit awaiting the beautiful day I can return to the love of my life ( don't tell my long-time girlfriend Athena lol ). It WILL happen dammit :) !

So anywho, I think Destructoid is by far the best site for gamers with a great community,a place where intelligence and immaturity can come together in a glorious and beautiful synergy, and I am proud to finally be here after a couple years of lurking.

To surmise, Bewbs ...also, cocks.