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Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming today. I have called this press conference here to discuss rumors of the next major project my studio is working on. Since the debut of Mass Effect, we have seen that the support from not only the fans of the games these movies are based upon, but non-gamers who know a good movie when they see one. So let me go ahead and put your fears to rest.
Talking Robot Films has been planning a trilogy of movies that will be released within the next three years. We have teamed up with New Line Cinemas and WETA to produce these films, since they have experience in the fantasy department. I have no doubt you are all interested to see the movie we are working on so without further delay, I give you......
Now please, please, hold your questions till I can explain a little more about our plans for this incredible game. The fans of the series are no doubt interested deeply in what I am about to tell you so please let me finish. Final Fantasy VI, as the game is called, is a very large game based in a steampunk world. The story is so big, that we have had to break this down into three films, the first of which will be out next year. The first will introduce the characters to you, begin the actual story and end with the climatic battle of Narshe. My plans are to stick to the original story as much as possible, although some things have been changed to allow for time constraints. I apologize to the fans first of all for these changes, but I hope they understand that they are for the better. Let me first say that it isn't easy to create a movie and find the appropriate actors to fill those characters when the original game is in 2D and the 3D cutscenes are not very realistic looking people. I have done the best I can though and hopefully you will be able to see these people in the roles you know and love. Now, let me introduce you to the cast of the first installment. Ladies and gentlement, gamers of all ages, I present to you, the cast of VI. Christina Ricci as Terra Branford
Terra was a little harder to cast than I thought but Ms. Ricci has the look and after her last few movies, the acting ability as well. Terra is a young, innocent woman in the beginning but by the third film, you will see the full maturation of that character. Because of this we needed an actress who could look both young and mature as well as a bit of an exotic feel. Her last major film was Black Snake Moan with Samuel L. Jackson. Ryan Reynolds as Locke Cole
Locke Cole is the free-spirited, adventurer and thief. He travels the world searching for treasure and women. He's also a smug, arrogant smart-ass and honestly, I have complete faith that the smug, arrogant smart-ass Mr. Reynolds will do him justice. Plus, here's a little eye candy for the ladies. Ryan is best known for his roles in Smokin' Aces, The Amityville Horror, Blade:Trinity and Van Wilder. Naomi Watts as Celes Chere
Celes Chere is a very cold, distant person when we meet her, and it takes the warmth of Locke's personality to begin to bring this out. I felt that after seeing her in both of The Ring films, as well as I Heart Huckabees and Eastern Promises, that she would fill the role nicely. Thomas Jane as Edgar Roni Figaro
Ah Edgar, the consummate playboy of our little tale. Mr. Jane is best known for his role in The Punisher. His other major films include The Mist, The Thin Red Line and Face/Off. Adam Baldwin as Sabin Rene Figaro
We felt that because Sabin and Edgar are brothers, we needed two actors that 1. could at least look somewhat similar and believable and 2. could interact well together. I'm pleased to say that after seeing them work, they do indeed fill the parts. Sabin for his part, will not be that involved of a character, preferring to let his fists do the talking for him. Mr. Baldwin is probably best known with these fans as Jayne from Firefly and Serenity. He was also in Independence Day, Drillbit Taylor, and Full Metal Jacket. Daniel Day-Lewis as Cyan Garamonde
In recent years, Mr. Lewis has become a very deep actor, capable of playing many different roles. Cyan is a distraught, haunted and wounded character and he never truly heals through the entire story. Mr. Lewis, I feel, is more than capable of fulfilling the emotional requirements of this character as well the swordplay. And of course, he definitely can pull the epic mustache off.
Mr. Lewis' credentials include There Will Be Blood, Last of the Mohicans and Gangs of New York. Ernie Reyes Jr. as Gau
Yes I know what many of you will say about this character but please, read the plot changes at the end to see why we chose Mr. Reyes as Gau. If you don't remember him, he was the little guy that beat the shit out of The Rock in The Rundown. John Malkovich as Banon
This just seemed to epic to pass up. Mark Hamill as Kefka
Yes ladies and gentlemen we have Mr. Skywalker himself on board for this project. In fact, it took hardly any convincing to get Mark on board. It's probably cuz he has nothing better to do. But for those of you in doubt, remember, he played the Joker on the older animated Batman series. I don't think he will have any problems pulling this psycopathic character off. Oh, here's a little preview for you too, courtesy of Mr. Reaprar from the art department.
Character changes: We here at the film studio understands the necessity of remaining true to the original characters and most of the changes have to do with creating a believable world with believable characters. As such, things like Sabin's Blitzes, Cyan's Sword Techniques and other abilities will be shown, but not at the same level as you played in the game. Which means that Sabin will not be throwing energy beams out of his hands or Cyan will not create black holes for enemies to disappear into. Magic will still be present in all it's glory. The main character change will be with Gau himself. Instead of the wild youth that you find in the game, he will be the leader of a tribe of warriors that hunt on the Veldt. Plot Changes: Now the reason this has to be a trilogy is the sheer size and length of the story. The movie will open and proceed much as it did in the game, with a few changes, most notably after the heroes travel down river and are separated. This also means that while the party will be attacked by Ultros, they will not have a prolonged battle with him nor will he follow them around the world, causing mischief. The first movie will end with the battle of Narshe and Terra's disappearance. The main change in plot will be Sabin and Cyan's adventure on the Veldt. My associate producers, Excremento and Mason Rhade, discussed this for a time and we all agreed that the Veldt sequence will need to be shortened considerably. With the time constraints in mind, Gau, instead of following around like a lost puppy, will lead his tribe and capture Sabin and Cyan. After defeating Gau in combat and sparing his life, Sabin offers to take Gau with him. Gau will accept the offer, hoping to learn more about being a warrior from Sabin. They will then return to Narshe via ship instead of the Snake Trench. Hopefully you can understand the changes we have made are necessary to keep the story together and proceed at an even pace. Also expect for characters special abilities to receive parts in the movie that you will recognize but still remain realistic.
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Also how about the Rock as Sabin Rene Figaro? No? It's a stretch? Ha ha, go fuck yourself.
I just watched The Departed again, excuse my mouth
Well shit. Another good idea gone. Guess I got to see what you did on the previous 3.
I´ll have to read the other blogs because I can´t remember reading them.
he will always be the best Joker.
oh, and Christina Ricci as Terra? no. plz no.
I thought "no way can he do this well" and what do you know, you did it well. I would never have thought of Ricci as Terra, but it looks great. I'm totally okay with the Gau-change (and let's face it, an entire world of white people is kinda lame). Color me impressed.
In the next installment I will discuss the plot changes and character introductions for the second film. Don't worry, I've not left anything out, but since this is a trilogy they will be shown when I have the time to write it up.
Every casting choice is excellent! Even the ones that don't work, I love, just because I want to see the likes of John Malkovich in there! Daniel Day-Lewis is excellent! Naomi Watts -- EXCELLENT! Christina Ricci -- right on! Ryan Reynolds -- RYAN REYNOLDS?! GET THAT PIECE OF SHIT OUT OF THERE! No, Ryan Reynolds can't be in this movie, or any movie. I've also got NO QUALMS AT ALL Ernie Reyes -- I think that's dead-on! Although, I've got to question the whole Mark Hamill thing. Just because he did the voice for the Joker on B:TAS doesn't mean he ought to play Kefka. Try again! The actor has got to be able to play satire, as well as deeply psychotic.
I'm assuming since you haven't listed choices for Relm and Strago, that the movie will not include them. Good!
I also assume Umaro, Gogo, and Mog, if they're even going to be in your movie, will not require actors, either, and that's why you haven't mentioned them; or because they're not in it. But remember! Chewbacca, 3-CPO, and R2-D2 had actors playing them, if not in person, so why not give them actors? It'd be amusing to see!
Also, why have Banon, but not Emperor Gestahl, and General Leo? What about Cid? HEY! This thing isn't finished! What gives?!
Redo Mark Hamill when you submit your choices for the above mentioned.
Yeah! Who the fuck is playing Shadow and Setzer?