Some say BigPopa was not born, but put together using the body parts of the greatest pimps ever to be born. Like some kind of freak zombie, sent here to roam the world. To play video games, terrorize women, and consume the largest amount of whiskey as is humanly possible.
You are not far from the truth...
Popa's Full Avatar Dance
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Welcome to another Casting Call! I apologize for taking so long between the Halo Casting Call and this one, but I have had many games to finish, a lot of alcohol to consume, and women to impregnate. But finally I sat down, took a deep breath and began scouring the internet for the best actors to fill the roles on my latest movie.
From the title you know I am doing the 360 title, Gears of War. We all know this game has been discussed as a movie many times, but of course nothing has ever come of it. Until now. With my new movie company, Talking Robot Films, we plan on making Gears of War our first blockbuster. With so much money riding on this film we, the executives, knew we would have to get the exact right fit for all these roles. After much deliberation, negotiation and discussion, I am pleased to announce the cast of Gears of War as well as the director. So let's get to it shall we?
Nick Chinlund as Marcus Fenix
Mr. Chinlund really impressed us as his role in Tears of the Sun. Even though his role was small, it really showed off his ability to play a soldier. He has the look, the voice and the attitude to pull Marcus off convincingly. He is, without a doubt, our first choice. If, for some reason he doesn't want the insane amounts of money he will earn in this film, here is our second choice.
Clancy Brown as Marcus Fenix(alternate)
I know most of you will think that this is a choice that doesn't make sense but let's look at his positives. Clancy is grizzled, older, has the voice and attitude. He might not look exactly like Marcus, especially in the eyes, but I think his role in this movie will bring out what the fans want from Marcus; a kick ass grizzled veteran. You will all probably know him from Starship Troopers where he played Sergeant Zim or in Pathfinder as Gunnar. If Mr. Brown turns us down we do have a backup person in mind and since he's not doing anything imporatant, he's pretty much a shoe-in.
Yeah, we know. The actors we have chosen for Marcus are still weak, but to be honest, we haven't found many actors we feel could fill the shoes of Marcus. So we have to go with men that could look and sound the part, sorry Christian Bale, you don't look 40.
Zachary Quinto as Dominique Santiago
Mr. Quinto first popped onto the screen as the villain in the tv series Heroes where he played Silar, the power-obsessed maniac who ate people's brains. Sounds like a good way to start off. He is also playing Spock in the upcoming Star Trek movie, so there's another plus for him in the geek world.
Lester Speight as Augustus "Cole Train" Cole
Who else could play Cole Train than the man who voiced the original character himself, Lester Speight also known as "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker". He'll make it work without a problem. Here's a few videos for you showing Mr. Speight at his best.
Val Kilmer(Top Gun) as Daimon Baird
We here at Talking Robot Films had a hard time finding an actor that could fill Baird's shoes adequately. We went back and forth and finally decided to cheat a little bit and go back in time to recruit Val Kilmer after he was in Top Gun when he was in shape and looked the part of Baird. Unfortunately Mr. Kilmer refused us and has since gone on to star in great films like Batman Forever, Tombstone, and Deja Vu. But because he did refuse, we are now obligated to post these horrible pictures of him for all to see how he has let himself go to shit.
So we had to go with our second choice, and he is:
Mark Paul Gosselaar as Daimon Baird(alternate)
Yes, ol' Zack Morris himself is making a comeback. He had a respectable role on NYPD Blue as Det. John Clark(as generic a name as you can find) and we here at Talking Robot really believe he can pull off the smartass character that Baird is. Plus since he has never really broken into film and only been a tv actor, he'll be cheap which is a great thing for us.
Charlize Theron as Anya Stroud
Since Anya Stroud was not seen much in the game, we needed an actress that had a great voice for this role. So Charlize Theron has kindly agreed to be the sexy voice in side our heads. But don't worry, we'll get a good shot of her half-naked somehow. I mean, with a woman who looks like this:
you know we'll have to.
Billy Zane as Lt. Kim
Lt. Kim was also a hard character to fill. We know he is of korean decent, but honestly, Robot Films is not an equal opportunity employer so we went with someone who just looked the most like him we could find, regardless of acting talent since, of course, Kim dies 20 minutes into the movie. Plus I'm sure you will all enjoy seeing him get shanked by General Raam. I know I will.
Michael Ironside as Colonel Hoffman
I like Ironside, always have, always will. He pulls off the badass dude without any effort and I've never seen him in a movie where he wasn't kicking ass and taking names. Again, most of the shots with Hoffman won't require much physical ability, it's more about the voice and the presence this man can bring.
Sala Baker as General Raam - Body
Dee Bradley Baker as General Raam - Voice
Dee Bradley Baker voiced Raam in the game so we decided to keep him as the voice of Raam in the movie. His body will be played by Sala Baker, better known as Sauron from Lord of the Rings. He's a well-reknowned stuntman so he should fit into the shoes of Raam very nicely.
Director - Neill Blomkamp
For those of you that don't know, Neill was the director behind the Halo short films. I really liked the look of these films and decided to bring him on board for this project.
Gears of War should feel gritty, realistic and violent....just like the game. Fans of the game should be assured, it will be gritty, realistic and violent with blood by the gallons and so much gore Eli Roth will puke. As for the story, we plan on focusing on not just the mission at hand, but also on the back story of Marcus and some added information about E-day as well. Flashback to his childhood will be common and we will reveal how he first met Dom. Gears of War has some great cinematic scenes in it, but is a little light on the story. Robot Films do not plan on changing this too much, as this movie is an action/war film through and through. So if you come to see it, expect lots of shooting, killing, maiming, chainsawing and dying. If you come seeking a deep look into why these soldiers fight, go watch something else.
Also, if this project does well, I already have my next adaptation in mind.