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BigPopa's Weekend Review: Beowulf, future porn king - Destructoid




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Some say BigPopa was not born, but put together using the body parts of the greatest pimps ever to be born. Like some kind of freak zombie, sent here to roam the world. To play video games, terrorize women, and consume the largest amount of whiskey as is humanly possible.

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Well our brand new theatre opened up in my town this weekend and I couldn't stay away, I had to see what it looked like. Before I tell you how incredibly awesome the new one is, maybe I should give you a little background.

You know your in the Cookeville theatre when:
1. You are dumped to the floor by your seat when you take a girl out
2. You let everyone know when you are going to the bathroom by the sound of your shoes against the floor
3. The left half of the theatre sound doesn't work
4. The projector breaks the film at least three times
5. The theatre is the size of your dad's garage.
6. You would rather eat cotton balls then the popcorn

So you can see the theatre sucked before. Well it is beautiful to behold now(pics on the way). But I digress, on to the review.

For those of you that have never read the book, Beowulf is set way the fuck back around 1000 A.D. He is the hero of the Geats, a people living in Sweden. The story, while trying not to reveal much, is basically about Beowulf coming to Holland to kick the shit out of a troll named Grendel. He does do that, naked apparently, and then goes on to the kick the shit out of Grendel's mother and becomes king of that land. That, in a nutshell, is the story.

On to something else, the animation. Now I saw this movie in the 3D theatre, so my experience is a little different. Having the 3D aspect thrown in brings this film to a whole new level. While the movie was on par with Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within and better than Advent Children, seeing an axe fly out of the screen to kill the person next to you, or blood dripping from a dragon onto your face really adds something to the movie. This film takes computer animation and really steps it up again. Btw, we should all expect, nay, demand at least two nude scenes in CGI films from now on. Yes, Angelina Jolie naked was worth the price of admission. Yummy. But besides the 3D aspect, the detail they put onto the people, especially Beowulf, is amazing. You will not be disappointed in that area.

Music was standard epic, fantasy fare, nothing new to report here. Here's one gripe I had with the movie. When Beowulf first arrives he pulls his boat onto land and all his warriors, but one, looks like they just copied and pasted the same model 12 times. Then, at the mead hall, they all have a unique individual look to them. Kind of weird in my opinion.

So, to sum up, if you like epic fantasy adventure movies and large boobs, then Beowulf is a good show. The plot, while a little shallow, is still moving enough to keep you interested in the characters. It was a fun movie to watch, and if you get a chance to see it in 3D, definitely pay the extra $2.

BigPopa's score: 7 naked Jolie's out of 10









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