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5:26 PM on 04.21.2010

Cataract's T&A Birthday Post (NSFW!!!)

Well it's that time again. It's time to once again celebrate a friend's birthday the only way I know how.

This is our birthday boy in case you've never met/seen him.

Cat is a big fan of the fighters and is now internet famoos for defeating the fabled Justin Wong in SSF4 at Pax East this year. He was also on an episode of Silent Library on MTV. So if you see him on SF4, be aware, he's good.

Now on to my gifts for Cat. The newest additions to my small photo collection. Enjoy Cat and Happy birthday!!

BTW, Double Viking is a great resource for fellow collectors. Just saying.   read

8:50 AM on 09.02.2009

Drunkcast PAX Drinking Challenge: Official Rules(NSFW)

I know many of you have been wondering whether or not the Drunkcast Drinking Challenge is going to be a reality or just something we like to make up and talk about on the show. After fielding about 50 questions from you guys relating to it in the last episode (ok so maybe it was just Duffy and Kryptinite but still, it felt like 50) I knew I needed to make a post detailing the ideas. I laid out the game rules on the show but I also wanted to put it in text for you all. So here we go.

1. The contest will run from Noon until Midnight on friday, September
the fourth. All contestants must be on the front steps to PAX by noon on Friday to be entered into the contest.
2. The contest will be scored. 1 pt for a beer or wine, 2 pts for a
mixed drink, 3 pts for a shot. Bonus points may be awarded for either creative drinks or 'stiff' drinks. Example: Shots of PGA will probably earn a bonus point for each shot.
3. All contestants must have a minimum of one alcoholic drink per hour
for the twelve hours with one exception.
3a. If a contestant enters PAX, they must keep track of how long they
are in there for. Once they exit the building they must go and catch
up to remain eligibleto win.
4. If a contestant misses a drink or falls asleep or throws up(as
might happen later that evening) they are disqualified.
5. If a contestant drinks away from one of the members of Drunkcast,
they must provide photo evidence to validate their claims and to
receive their points.
6. At midnight all the points will be tallied and the winner will
receive $50 in cash to purchase PAX swag along with the title of The
Drunkiest Drunkcaster(or something equally stupid).
7. Non-alcoholic drinks will be allowed to be consumed during the
contest to avoid alcohol sickness.

I considered at first outlawing water and cokes and such during these twelve hours, but seeing as how I love all of you and would hate to be the man responsible for your death, I decided not to. I know the scoring part might be a little unfair to the lightweights, but let's be honest here. It's a drinking contest. Lightweights AREN'T supposed to win.

Photo evidence doesn't have to be sent to my phone it just has to be seen to reward points. And don't tell me you don't have a camera. EVERYONE has a camera phone. So don't be lazy. We will tally the points when we come together. You can, however, give your pictures as proof to any of the Drunkcast crew; myself, blehman, itemforty or coonskin05.

Remember, this contest is supposed to be fun and silly since I'm hoping to get a lot of hilarious photos of you drinking things. It's also going to be based upon trust and the honor code. Don't be a dick and take tons of pics with you holding the same empty beer bottle and then arrive at our pre-arranged meeting spot that night completely sober.

This is also not a Dtoid-sponsored event. This was my idea and it's my cash you are winning. So don't go asking Niero or Nick or Hamza about this. They won't know anything about it nor will they probably care since they have WAYYY too much to do to worry about a drinking contest.

If you have any other questions feel free to post them down below. Also these rules may change slightly if someone comes up with any better ideas. I'll present all rules to everyone on Friday. See you at PAX.

And don't say I never did nothing for ya.

Wouldn't feel right unless I ended it this way. See you at PAX!!   read

12:11 AM on 08.25.2009

Why I love Destructoid (NSFW!!!)

1# Reason to love dtoid: Cuz they let me post stuff like this.


9:14 AM on 07.02.2009

The T&A of king3vbo's Birthday!!!(NSFW, DUH)

Today is an incredible day. A day this world was blessed with one of it's most illustrious and valuable members. A day where our future King was born. I am talking about the one and only, Evan Burkey!!(king3vbo you twat!). Yes, today our good friend turned a whopping 28 and he's still chasing after those Japanese school girls like he was 27. From his dedication to the Failcast crew and his neverending love of WoW, even in the face of such hatred that only Dtoid can provide, king3vbo is a highly valued part of our community. So without further ado, I give you.....BPG's T&A of king3vbo's Birthday. And no king, there aren't any little boys in here, you sick bastard. See you at PAX!!

As always, if you want a T&A Birthday post, send a friend request to me on Facebook so I can have it in my phone.


8:35 AM on 02.26.2009

Big Popa's Dtoid Army Dream(Niero, this one is for you)

So I just had to share this with all of you and especially with Niero since I figured he would get a kick out of it. It has to do with the most amazing dream I have ever had and how Niero, Collette, Dtoid and the rest of you fit in. I hope you enjoy and I apologize in advance for the wall of text.

This little story starts out with me walking up to the door to a very large and expensive house set out in the country somewhere. Geographic location is not important. As I entered the house I was immediately greeted by a very large, monocled person. This individual led me off to my room where I would be sleeping for the duration of my stay there. After I had put my bags away I began to explore this house. In almost every room there were tv's and consoles as well as an entire lan center with about a dozen PC's set up. "Wow", I thought to myself, "This place is bitching!!" I eventually found the end of the house and inside the room that led out onto a deck were 4 of the prettiest girls I, apparently knew, because as soon as I walked through they all yelled, "POPA!!" and gave me awesome hugs. After talking with those lovely ladies for a few moments I went outside onto a deck to look around. There were several others on the deck and they all greeted me as I looked out at the panorama below me.

If any of you have ever rented a cabin in the mountains, you will be familiar with this description. The house was apparently 3 stories high and each level had an outside deck that you could walk out onto from the rear of the house. Out in front of me was a huge yard complete with a pool the size of a football field and a very large contraption set up at on end of it. Let me see if I can find a picture for you. This was the size of the pool.

And this is basically the zipline I was thinking of, except with multiple people and much bigger.

It was basically this but at one end was a huge, multi person starting point. The cable that the zipline followed was the length of the pool and attatched to some poles on the other side that were actually higher up from the starting point. Confused a bit by all of this, nonetheless, I decided to just roll with the things and find out later what exactly it was for. Beyond the zipline/pool was a forest with several trails leading into it at different spots.

After this it becomes fuzzy but I do remember sitting in the pool and talking to a Ms. Collette and Chad, I believe, about the qualities and aerodynamics of a dolphin shaped snorkeling suit. Much rough-housing and pool fun ensued. Later that night, after a huge banquet of a meal, myself, Coonskin and some kid were walking around the nature trails in the woods when we came out of it to find a candlelight ceremony going on. My first thought was, "What is a fraternity doing here?" And then I saw the master of ceremonies walk out with two assistants in robes. He pulled off his cowl and behold, it was our lord and master, Mr. Destructoid. With him were his right-hand assistants, Collette and a certain Mr. Chester. All three of us ducked into the woods to watch the proceedings.

While I could not make out what they were saying, I did realize eventually what was going on. It was the first step for these young souls, in their journey to becoming full member of the Dtoid army. And, as of course dreams go, me and my friends all remembered when we went through a similar ceremony years ago. We watched the ceremony until it ended and then went to bed.

That morning, over a thousand people assembled on the lawn surrounding the pool to watch the next step in the initation process. The first six recruits stepped up onto the platform with Niero and each grapped a zipline handlebar. At a signal from Niero, a switch was pulled and the entire machine cranked to life. The zipline shot the recruits toward the water and then, right when they were about to splash, took a very abrupt upward direction. Most of the recruit lost their grip at that moment but one of them managed to hold on long enough to use the sudden change in direction to slingshot himself a good 40 yards into the deep end. The next thing I knew I was talking to Niero himself and said, "I love seeing who will fall and who will soar." And he said to me, "I just like watching their faces. That's why we set up the camera to take pictures. Just like in a roller coaster."

The day ended with a very annoying ringing going off around the yard. Chad, with a very happy smile on his face, said, "Yay!! It's monday!!"

Then I woke up.

So Niero, Collette, this is what I suggest you do with all that 'money' you have lying around. Build a huge house somewhere in FL where we can have Dtoid army initiations in peace ok? Then you'll really have yourself your very own cult. Now how awesome would that be??

I also think I should stop eating pickles and nacho cheese for dinner while reading Dtoid before bed.


8:09 AM on 02.11.2009

Happy birthday Nihon Tiger!!! (NSFW DUH!!!!)

Yes folks, today is that day. The day where our very own, lovable Nihon Tiger (CTZ's distant cousin) turns the ripe old age of 23. So, as is traditional for my facebook friends, I am here to offer up to Nihon, and the rest of the dtoid community, gifts in the only way BigPopa can.......T&A BABY!!!

To all my friends that I have forgotten to do birthday posts for, I apologize. I'll do better in the future. And if you want T&A for your birthday, add me on facebook.

You all have a lovely day now, ya hear?   read

3:38 PM on 01.31.2009

BigPopa's Burfday: The quarter-century mark

Well it's that time of year again. The time of year where I throw open my collection of women to all the members of this lovely community. And let me just say, I've been working on these for awhile.

I would write another epic poem like last year, but to be honest, it's my burfday and I don't feel like it. So instead I hope you all enjoy these lovely ladies that I have collected. I plan on going out tonight, eating dinner with many friends, go cosmic bowling and ending the evening in my bed with as many naked girls as I can get.

And if you want to see my birthday present, here it is.

Yes, it's a 47" HD Tv by Phillips for less than $1,000. Thank God for

Now, bring on the ladies!!!

If you would like to view my collection in it's entirety, here are the links to the albums.




Password for all of them is dtoid.

Why do I do this? Because I love all of you. Duh. As always, never forget, ALSO COCKS BITCHES!!   read

3:24 PM on 01.30.2009

True love cannot be hidden

For anyone paying attention, yesterday ProfessorPew posted a rather
disturbing story about my good friend Excremento and another dtoider, Gandysampras. It involved angels and demons as well as animal suits. Needless to say it got me wondering. So I had to find out for myself. After much surfing and digging, I found this video. I'm sorry guys, but it's true.


They both do sing and dance.   read

5:37 PM on 12.25.2008

Merry Christmas - BigPopa Style *NSFW*

So hopefully all of you are having a good Christmas with friends and families. I know I did and I have eaten so much that I can barely walk. But I didn't want this day to go completely by without showering all of you with some love, BigPopa style. And of course, you all know what that means. ;) So without further ado, I present to you, my fellow robots, my gift to the Dtoid community: The ladies of Christmas.

First the ladies of Christmas. Help me in giving them a warm Dtoid welcome!

And now, a few more from the vaults of my computer.

Merry Christmas Dtoid!! I love you all!   read

8:07 AM on 11.28.2008


While most of the Dtoid community is out enjoying the joys of Black Friday traffic, I am stuck at work in an empty department. And before some of you ask why I'm at work, let me answer that question with a simple image.

That's right, I am currently earning 2X what I would normally earn. So why not? I got nothing to do on this greedy american semi-holiday. I work in IT and if there is no one here to call and ask dumb questions, there isn't too much to do. But the only unfortunate part of this is that I am bored. Bored, bored bored. So what does a bored Dtoid blogger do?

LIVE BLOG!!!! Starting now!

7:30 Left house for work. Realized halfway there I was wearing no pants.

7:45 Returned home for pants. Forgot security card. What an awesome morning.

8:05 Arrived at work. Started coffee maker. Clocked into office.

8:06 Realized I'm an idiot for working today. Then remembered the cash money I'm earning.

8:10 Coffee is done. Burnt my hand on the damn pot. I knew that handle was there for a reason.

8:30 Propped my feet up on my desk and began watching youtube videos while enjoying delicious coffee.

8:45 Had my first call of the day!! It was my boss....we discussed possible things to keep me busy. I suggested fapping, sleeping and then fapping again. He suggested cleaning out storage area and running Cat 5 drops. Guess who won.

9:05 Watched tribute video to Cammy from Street Fighter. Fapped for 7 minutes straight. Now I must go find some quick wipes to clean up.

9:30 Picked the lint from between my toes. Realized my feet smells and I need to take a shower.

9:45 Finally found the band my roommate was listening to that I liked. It's called Nightwish and they are a Power Metal band with a female singer. Here's their newest single, The Islander.

10:00 Began looking up many different metal bands. So far I don't like Celtic Frost but Edenbridge has potential. I kinda have a thing for a good non-pop female singer with an ACTUAL metal band, not pop metal. Oh yeah, I don't like the new Nightwish singer. She makes them sound too much like pop for me.

10:15 Went to refill coffee. I like Edenbridge now. Also, time for a smoke and a piss, maybe in that order, maybe at the same time. I'll discuss my views on micro-bikinis in the workplace when I return.

10:30 So the work piss turned into a work dump. Have to get all that delicious deep fried turkey out of the system. I must now actually get to some work. I will post again once I am done organizing office and our storage cage.

11:25 Ok so our storage area is now organized much better than it was. I still have to take out the trash but I'm tired and it's time for an office nap.

12:15 Taking out the trash by yourself sucks. I'll just say that right now.

12:20 Went to get some nom noms.

12:50 Back from lunch. Also, on a related note, Taco Bell is no longer as cheap as they used to be. For two tacos and a burrito it cost me $6. Something is wrong with that picture. Now I plan on sitting at my desk for awhile, reading silly innernet articles and getting up the energy to go drop some Cat 5 cables.   read

11:23 AM on 09.05.2008

PAX game reviews

Why hello there! Long time no see. How have you been doing Destructoid? I know I have been gone awhile, but now I’m back and I have a lot of nice goodies for you all.

Alright, yeah, that’s not working. I know it’s been awhile since you’ve seen my smiling face. I’m not making excuses because if there’s one thing I learned about blogging this last weekend is that you guys don’t care for excuses. PAX was beyond amazing. If you ever have the chance, go and never regret a dime you spend. Between walking around the exhibition floor and picking up free swag and playing unreleased games, to randomly playing in the Rock Band tournament, to going to the PC free play room and kicking ass in Unreal Tournament III(which I’m picking up ASAP after playing it there), it was an orgy of gaming.

And that's not even mentioning the AMAZING community. More on those crazy cats in a different post.

But I don’t want to ramble and brag about how I got to go while all you cheap bastards sat at home and scratched your asses, so I’ll go ahead and jump into the game summaries. Be warned, most of the games I played were not the AAA titles as the lines for those games were WAY too long so I focused on the lesser known games. So if you haven’t heard of some of these games, don’t feel bad neither had I until I played them.

Developer: EA Canada
Release Date: Sept. 4th, 2008

I played this game for about 20 minutes with some PR dude and while he did kick my ass at it, I can honestly say I want this game….when it hits the $20 bin. FaceBreaker is a combination between a classic, arcade fighter in the tone of Street Fighter while being a boxing game through and through. If you are looking for a realistic boxing sim, look somewhere else because FB is definitely not that.

The controls are pretty basic with a high and low punch button, a throw and a block button as well as a super punch button. As you attack your opponent you build up a meter that, guess what, breaks their faces when fully charged and wins you the fight.

FB was a fun game if you enjoy playing silly games with friends. But as a serious gamer, and a sports games lover, this is not one to buy and play by yourself.

Developer: Blue Omega Entertainment
Publisher: Codemasters
Release date: NA

Ok, I was just walking along staring at the awesome Warhammer:Online area when this image caught my eye.

Needless to say I was intrigued. The image reminded me a lot of the character from The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. There wasn’t anyone playing at the station so I jumped on and tried it out.

The best way I can describe this game is that it is similar to Prince of Persia…but with guns. The version I played still had some issues with its controls; the camera system didn’t feel totally right and aiming your guns was pretty damn hard.

Unless the final version of the game is really ironed out, I don’t feel this game is a purchase. A rental sure, but not one laying $60 down for.

Developer: Midway
Publisher: Midway games
Release Date: November 10th 2008

Ok when this game first was announced I was a skeptic. I thought, “How the hell do you combine two universes as different as M.K. and D.C. and make it work? Superman should be able to destroy them all with one punch!” Needless to say, before PAX I had no excitement about this game at all and thought this was a horrible idea and would never work.

Man was I wrong.

I must have played this game for an hour. I would play a couple of matches and then get back in line to play again. I honestly can say I had the more fun with this game than with any other. And for a game that was met with as much ridicule and doubt as this one, I would have thought Midway would have had a bigger booth but they were in the very back.

This game is a definite must-buy when it comes out. I just hope the online is a polished as the game I played.

Developer: Pandemic Studios
Publisher: EA
Release Date: November 4th, 2008

LOTR:C was a tricky game to find. It was squished in-between the Mercenaries 2 station and the Mirror’s Edge station. Again, this was a game with short to no lines and since it was LOTR, it immediately caught my attention.

To give you an idea on what it is like, think Star Wars: Battlefront but MUCH better and in Middle-Earth and you have Conquest in a nutshell. The demo only showed the good side but apparently you can be on Sauron’s side as well, a neat little twist that’s a welcome change (I’m tired of being the damn hobbits all the time.).

In the demo there were four classes to choose from: Warrior, Archer, Mage and Thief. Each is self explanatory. Controls were simple in theory but in the demo, they were actually a little tricky to pull off right. The objectives for the battle (you were fighting in Minas Tirith at the end of the third movie) were not very informative and those damn trolls were WAY overpowered.

The demo was also very buggy, so I’m hoping what I saw and played was just that; a demo, and unfinished version of the game. But being a huge LOTR nerd, I’ll be buying this game as soon as it comes out. I mean, it does have some multiplayer modes as well as Co-op, so all my fellow LOTR geeks can circle-jerk each other.

I played a few others, but really nothing worth mentioning here. I also tried out some of the MMO’s coming out soon as well as Guitar Hero: World Tour but really GH:WT is just GH with drums.

As for my epic PAX recap, that's coming as soon as I upload all the videos and pictures off of my computer. Sorry, I've been really lazy. Just know that I do love you all and you all will get some epic credits.....eventually.   read

10:16 AM on 08.15.2008

BigPopa reviews Resident Evi....I mean Doomsday

Last night my roommate got stood up. He made plans with a girl to watch some scary movies, went out and rented said movies, and then ended up having the girl cancel on him. Sucks for him, let me tell you. But out of this slight tragedy, we were saved by two things. The first being my other roommate’s hot cousin and the second being the movie he picked out, Doomsday.

Now while I won’t say Doomsdaydoes anything new for the action/female badass/human-killing virus genre, what it does do is entertain the viewer most of the time, completely disgust them at a couple of points and throw them curveballs every 20 minutes or so. Read on to hear the details.

Doomsday’s plot reads like a dish of copy pasta from the Resident Evil series and the Fifth Element. Basic summary is that ANOTHER nation destroying virus, this time called Reaper, has been unleashed upon England. Rather than have the entire country be destroyed, they decide to just seal off Scotland with a giant wall and let the silly Scots deal with it. I mean, no one likes the Scottish anyways right?

Fast forward 30 years and now we have an outbreak of Reaper again, this time in London. Also at the same time as the outbreak, survivors are found in Glasgow, something that wasn’t supposed to be possible. So of course a team of scientists/SWAT members are sent in to investigate and to try and find the cure that they believe is developed by a Dr. Kane. What follows is a nightmare journey through hell…..or at least it starts out that way.

Without spoiling the movie too much, let me say that for the first 30 minutes when the team crosses the wall, it’s exactly what I expected. A gruesome, brutal, post-apocalyptic, dog-eat-dog world that Scotland has become. Think Mad Max, but with updated special effects.

But then, halfway through the ‘Over-the-Wall’ part, the movie throws a curveball that is hard to understand and really, detracts from where the movie was headed. I’m not sure if the movie twist was really necessary. It was neat to think about, but really disrupted the idea that the entire country of Scotland had gone straight to hell.

So enough of that, on to the actors. Eden Sinclair is played by Rhona Mitra, who is seriously a cross between Mila and Angelina. Don’t believe me?

She does an adequate job at the part. I mean, a gun-toting, sex-starved, one-eyed cop isn’t that hard to play right? Her most recent credits include Shooter and The Number 23. Other than that, nothing of real importance.

The rest of the cast of Doomsday is refreshingly free of A list actors, a phenomenon that sometimes makes the movie better. These B-list actors include Bob Hoskins(Smee from Hook and Bart from Unleashed) as the Chief of Police, Bill Nelson , David O’Hara as Michael Canaris(the crazy Irishman in Braveheart), Alexander Siddig as Prime Minister Hatcher(Ajay in Reign of Fire, Nasir in Kingdom of Heaven, best known as Dr. Bashir from Deep Space Nine), and Malcolm McDowell as Marcus Kane(Mr. Linderman in Heroes, best known for Dr. Tolian Soran in Star Trek: Generations). Hoskins and McDowell turn in their usual good performances and I enjoyed the scenes with either one of them. I really wish they both made it into more mainstream movies.

Anyways, the movie was fun to watch, if a little loopy at some points, but it isn’t for the sensitive subject. This is a gory movie, something in which I can usually handle in most cases. But one scene literally stopped me from eating my delicious chocolate chip cookies for a few minutes. In case you hadn’t heard, the Mad Max characters are cannibals…..and we’ll leave it at that.

So to sum up, if you enjoyed any of the RE movies or Fifth Element, Doomsday will probably appeal to you. It’s also a fun action movie, if a little stupid at times.   read

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