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BigDoniel's blog

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BigDoniel avatar 6:19 PM on 08.14.2014  (server time)
A generally unhappy tale of 'competitive' gaming and general life issues

I don't usually get affected by celebrities dying, but Robin Williams passing really hit me quite hard. Growing up, and probably still for nostalgic reasons, Aladdin was my favourite movie. Mr Williams of course played the iconic Genie. It was just the shock of a childhood icon being gone, so I done what I usually do when things suck, play a game. My game of choice is, as it has been for a while, Dota 2. First game went ok, then on the second match the 'pros' appeared. I mean this is the most sarcastic way possible, as all these people do is insult, bully and belittle everyone who plays. It kills the fun hugely. I know it's a competitive game, and I hate losing, but I can accept it when it happens and try and learn. 

Now, the point of this isn't to bash Dota or such, but the general attitude which seems to be seeping into gaming. I've always played games more than most people I know, and have as such felt a bit of an outcast at times. I had 'friends' at school, but then left school and made new 'friends'. Then I entered a 5 or so year streak of unhappiness and borderline depression, with the only thing keeping me going being my gaming. I ditched the friends, met a girl and 2 years later am still happy. But i'm still not 'normal'. I am hugely socially anxious, to the extent I haven't been out with anyone outwith my girlfriend or family in 2 years. I put on the big happy show at work since I have to, but when I'm home I feel relieved. It doesn't sound like a big deal in writing to be fair, but I know my girlfriend gets upset with my perceived lack of interest in her family, when the truth is I just shut down around people. This gets me down on occasion, and when i'm at home when i'm feeling down i'll put a game on as a source of distraction/fun. 

This is where the new-age gaming scene annoys me. I want to play the games I play because they are fun, but far to many seem to have other thoughts. If you're new to a game you're pilloried for being a 'noob', or told to delete the game, reported or any other ridiculous scenario. Even in a guide you find online for games, like one for Supreme Commander I was looking up, the comments were full of players insulting each other for being 'noobs' I really hate that word. I know that in a team game like Dota the advice is play with friends, but my old friends on Steam don't play it and my previous explained anti-socialness limits me to adding players I meet without asking for a match ( I also am constantly paranoid my connection will lag there game but thats another story ha).

I know that this blog needs an ending, but I really can't think of a suitable one!  So if you have made it all the way to the bottom of this messy, inarticulate and incoherent mess I applaud you. Seriously, thanks!

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