So, you're going to PAX but haven't adopted an avatar, huh?* Going to be pretty fun, amirite? Yeah. But y'know, PAX is a big place. What would you do if you felt scared or alone or up a guy in drag because his sexy Cammy cosplay convinced you he might be an especially rugged woman? Who could you turn to? Things would be easier if you had a friend by your side, wouldn't they?

*No? Then get out, you're wasting my time. No, wait, spam my entry to anyone who is going!

Yes, yes, I'm sure you have plenty of "real" friends, but let's be honest - the ones who don't talk about you behind your back or were working this weekend and really couldn't come with me and totally do exist aren't going to be there for you. No, you need a real friend, someone to stick by you, someone to shoulder your burdens, and someone who isn't afraid to openly insult you and your substandard dental hygiene. You need an anthropomorphic cloud.


Picture resolution? F*** your picture resolution!

But wait, there's more! See, the raincloud isn't just a companion who'll grunt noncommittally and impatiently check his watch* as you pour your heart out in the hotel room after a long day of video games and self-loathing (I'm not the only one, right guys?). In fact, I have gone so far as to compile a list of reasons why you should take this little guy along and maybe even spit on your monitor if one of the less favourable adoptees happens across it.

*Watch sold separately.

1. Unlike some avatars, this one is capable of a wide range of expressions. Quizzical. Perplexed. Mildly disgusted. Incredulous. There is something to reflect any situation in which you are likely to find yourself.

2. Some avatars have, oh, a predilection for the sauce. This is pretty much a given for any representative of Destructoid. However, if you're going to be spending the weekend with a violent drunk (around here, is there any other kind?), you'd be well advised to make it a cloud. I mean, c'mon, it's made out of water vapor. Any punches it throws are bound to be both mildly refreshing and not the least bit painful. Also, uh, you may be well advised to pick up a good electric ground. Some have observed that lightning strikes a lot more than twice around an angry cloud.

7. Of all the diseases to which you are potentially exposed when you encounter a Dtoid avatar, rest assured that you will not catch ghoneria from this one. No, wait, maybe that was appendicitis? Doesn't matter.

#. Rainclouds are a natural source of water which, as any scientist will tell you, is wet. Now here's some math you can try at home: white shirt + wet = !!! Yes, that's right, just think of the contests that will break out around you, popping up like sexilicious weeds in a garden of hotness. Think about it.
Note: actual precipitation and attractiveness of contestants may vary.

Blue. Greatest. Colour. Ever.

7 again. Also, cockfighting. Look, really, it's inevitable. You get a bunch of these guys together in the same place and soon fists and other appendages are going to start flying. It'll be like a Pokemon battle with more rape. However, if you back the right fighter, you can come out of this on top. Who do you think's going to win? A mouse? Some kind of hashbrown? No, a goddamned force of nature! You ever tried to fight a force of nature? Fun fact: nature wins.

As you can see, there is literally no other option. If you're going to PAX, you're taking this guy, probably tattooed to your chest. And if you're not going to PAX, you're starting the Cloud Ovation Expo to show off just how dedicated you are.

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Hey there Dtoid. So, really, I'd be as happy to see Tubatic or TheCleaningGuy or any of the other as-of-yet unadopted avatars go as my own. Truth is, I think this is a great idea for the community and if you're going to PAX, I want to encourage you to take someone along for the ride. It's not the most important thing ever and you shouldn't feel bad if you're not up to it, but I think it'd be fantastic to see as much of us out there, in avatar form or not, as possible.

So, uh, yeah. Cheers and whatnot.