Sometimes, my ears bleed. Sometimes, I simply cannot put up with what someone says. While I try to remain tolerant of all opinions, you people can really make by blood boil. It's like you're all hypnotized and when you hear a trigger word, you think that means I want to hear what you have to say. Sometimes, this is true. Sometimes, I want to rip all your teeth out with my left hand. Why my left? My right's my face button hand; I can work a D-Pad with my chin, but I can't go without my right.

These are in no particular order.

Activision

Every time Activision does something you people scream bloody murder. Every time. They merely enjoy a capitalist marketplace and use that to their advantage. If they put out a Guitar Hero game for $60, and recycle half the stuff from an old game, only adding new songs, they drastically cut down on development cost and time. So the profit margin goes much lower than it would for making an entirely new game. And thus the number of people needing to buy the game goes lower, and Activision can continue making other games that make you happy. That's pretty much the definition of sound business practice and customer satisfaction. Are they making you buy any of the games? No? Then shut your face.


Bobby Kotick, Nancy Grace, and The Super Devil make up the Trifecta of Evil.

Shadow Of The Colossus \ Ico

Every time I hear about either of these games, you people decide that I need to hear about how it didn't get a sequel, and how great it was, and how emotional it was, and blah blah blah... I have a policy, if you ever cried over a game character's death, or thought about a moral choice in a game other than 'Which one of these will net me the best ending?', or got scared while playing one of these games that try to scare you, you need to grow a pair. (Gaming enthusiasts of the female gender are excluded from this. Why? I'm against sex changes. That's why.) I don't want to hear about how you felt bad when you killed this innocent creature that never wronged anyone. I do not give two shits about the environment the game puts me in, and how I'm supposed to admire it. It was the PS2, it looked like ass. That's what I have to say about it. Would you rather I have lied and said 'The setting truly made the mood and elevated my experience when playing.'? Signs point to yes.


Am I supposed to care about this?

Shin Megami Tensei \ Persona series

I cannot stand this series. I've never played it, and never seen a gameplay video, or a screenshot for that matter, but I don't like it. None of you will shut your goddamn traps about how great it is, and how I should play it. Here's my answer to all of you: I will play the series when I'm damn well ready.

I'm not posting a picture for this one, but I'll still write the caption.

Oh, so that's what all this is about. Kind of underwhelming.

Sonic The Hedgehog

Whenever a Sonic game gets announced, there are three general groups of people who anticipate it. The fans who say 'It's the triumphant return of Sonic!', cynics who shoot the race horse before it leaves the gate, and people who see how it plays out. For the love of God, everyone get in the last group. I will end this right now if you do! No, some of you are still being stubborn. Can't say I blame you. Moving on!


This is a comic made by Ben Mangum of Cyber Moon Studios. His website is here, but he's been locked out of it. Check his deviantArt page for more stuff, and his YouTube for his animations. That's probably the most links you're ever seen in one caption.

Jim Sterling

WE GET IT. NOT EVERYONE SHARES HIS SENSE OF HUMOR. GET OVER IT. I DON'T LIKE HIM EITHER, BUT AT LEAST I DON'T TROLL HIS REVIEWS YOU PANSIES. If he doesn't like a game, he doesn't like it. Simple as that. For his defense, he's always got a point when he talks. He never just mindlessly bitches about crap that doesn't matter.

Alright, sometimes he does, but the number of meaningful editorials over his total number exceeds 50%. Meaning the majority of his articles are pertaining to a central point. I wish I could do that. I am horrible at staying on topic! (As you well know.)


Is that a bed right next to a hot tub?

Duke Nukem Forever

Wait for it to come out. Jeez...


Patience is a virtue. This, however, is ridiculous. It took less time to develop the A-Bomb than it took for this game to be canceled.

The Legend Of Zelda: The Ocarina Of Time

I understand that some of you will never budge on this game, and I can respect that. I myself grew up playing this game. (My aunt stole me a copy from BlockBuster.) And it does deserve ALOT of respect; All that music, sound, and those environments on an N64 cartridge? It was unheard of! No one thought it could be done! But Nintendo has proven time and time again that all they have to do is snap their fingers, and the skies themselves will open for another miracle. Anyway, it's not that it's a bad game, it's that I don't like hearing about it so much. So please tone down the praise, m'k?


This isn't even possible.

DS Re-Models

Before I talk about this, think about how much money it takes to develop things like The Legend(s) of Zelda, and Super Mario Galaxy 2, and think about how many copies those games will sell. Multiply by 50, and you don't even touch the development costs! Where do you think all that money comes from? Does it just falls out of Mario's ass? (It sort of does...) No, it comes from system sales! And with the whole 'Evolution > Replacement' scenario going on, Nintendo has to make new systems somehow.


When I was a kid, I thought pixies made videogames and super-pixies made Nintendo games.

Half-Life 2

I have heard entire enough about this game. If one more of you says ANYTHING about this game again, I will stab you in your throat.


Why isn't he wearing a helmet? It kind of defeats the point of wearing a protective suit.

Super Mario Galaxy

I have played SMG1, but not the sequel. I already know everything I need to know about the sequel. but the first one just rubbed me the wrong way. For one, it's one of those games that no one seems to think I've heard enough about. People consistently say that it is the best game on the Wii; Really? Have you played every game on the Wii? No? Then you don't have the authority to say that. Alright, I'll count out the minigame compilations and Just Dance. Even then, you still need to play Captain☆Rainbow. Good luck finding a copy if you live anywhere other than Japan! I still want to play that game...

Oh right, Super Mario Galaxy. It was very creative, I'll give it that. But it needs something more than classic gameplay style, incredible graphics, expert level design, and one of the world's most recognizable characters. It just feels like I'm looking at a 1000 piece puzzle of the Mona Lisa with one piece missing. Yeah, it's a great picture and tons of effort obviously went into it, but that one little imperfection irks me. I liked Super Mario Sunshine better. (Fuck those blue coins though. Also, keep in mind that I don't share everyone else's opinion about Super Mario Sunshine. I love that game!)


Did Chad Concelmo say this game was 'shoddy'? You're about to end up in the bushes again, little man. I've probably got about 40lbs on you. I hope you're faster than I am, 'Cause once I get a hold of you, I keep something. Wait 'till you hear my evil laugh.

Weird Japanese Games

I have no problem with people playing and enjoying these games. Like I just said, I really wanted to play Captain☆Rainbow, but having some of the worst sales on the Wii doesn't go well for localization. Do you like Katamari? Play it! Just don't tell me about it. Or bring a helmet. <== See? I warned you this time! I nice guy! "I nice guy"? I didn't even change that, and I'm not going to. That's my daily laugh quota right there. I try to laugh as much as I can, y'know?


Proclaim all countries Japan, and this problem wouldn't exist.