I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
If you read my first blog, you could tell I was not all about the 360 or the PS3. Joe (Buckfitches) finally convinced me to take the dive (along with games like Bionic Rearmed, SF2 HD, GTA4, etc.) so I waited for my opportunity to get one at a good price. Today Meijer had a 20% off coupon for non-food items so I bought a 360 Pro for under $300. After talking with Joe about how hesitant I was with the hardware problems they had he said he bought his at Best Buy with a replacement plan and every time his RR's he just takes it there and swaps it out. So I went to Best Buy, convinced a PYT to pricematch my Meijer receipt, and got a replacement plan. Opened the one from Best Buy and set up a tag (Buddha Dave) and downloaded a few games and demos. Went to a party later on and got home looking for a little late night gaming and magically, the damn thing starts freezing.
For once, this song speaks to the bottom of my heart, even if the singer's mouth terrifies me like that look Ron gets when he's about to hump something...
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
Amen, Sista. Amen.
Update: Took it in to BB, they gave me a new one - took about 3 minutes. Back up with a (surprisingly) older box (1st was 3/27/08, new 12/24/07) and I'm back into action. Now to give endless shit to Buck F1tch3s...
Before I lay out my opinions about the NARP Cincy, I would like to know what other attendees felt about the party. No overhyping please. Just comment with your honest opinions about what went wrong, what went right, and what suggestions you have for the future.
Just got back from the Hotel de Ramada (site of the NARP pre-party). Good times. Massive Rock Band singalongs occured, blow up dolls were fondled (I think BuckFitches lost his virginity), and (Cincinnati famous) LaRosa's pizza was consumed (along with massive quantities of alcohol). Look for videos soon. If you didn't make it, hopefully we'll see you tomorrow. If what Ron said about this being the first of many is true, then the next host city should start preparing now.
I am like that underwear gnome you swear leaves skid marks in your skivvies: some of you swear to have seen me, but no one knows my name.
Actually, I have met some of you. I'm that guy - often referred to as "Joe (BuckFitches) Burling's buddy" - who attends many of the NAR Cincy parties with my (gasp!) girlfriend. I would be considered an "old-skool" gamer - I was rocking out the ColecoVision while most of you were still spermies hoping your daddy didn't jack you into the sock while looking at Cindy Crawford. I stayed up all night on SMB3 and beat the original Ninja Gaidens.
While I'm whipping my cred out on the table, here is a list of the systems I've owned (and mostly still own):
Game Boy (the original)
Sega Genesis (with Sega CD)
What!?! No Xbox 360/PS3? That's right my friends. I'll let you guys send back your RRoD consoles while I'm busy watching the ladies play with my Wii.