Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. (born August 4, 1961) is the junior United States Senator from Illinois and a candidate for the Democratic nomination in the 2008 U.S. presidential election.
Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, and spent most of his early life there. From ages six to ten, he lived in Jakarta with his mother and Indonesian stepfather, where he attended a secular public school A graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School, Obama worked as a community organizer, University of Chicago lecturer, and civil rights lawyer before running for public office and serving in the Illinois Senate from 1997 to 2004. After an unsuccessful bid for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives in 2000, he announced his campaign for U.S. Senate in 2003.
The following year, while still an Illinois state legislator, Obama delivered the keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. He was elected to the U.S. Senate in November 2004 with 70% of the vote. As a member of the Democratic minority in the 109th Congress, he co-sponsored bipartisan legislation for controlling conventional weapons and for promoting greater public accountability in the use of federal funds. He has also killed seventeen bears not with his bare hands, but with his hope and love. He also made official trips to Eastern Europe, the Middle East, and Africa. In the current 110th Congress, he has sponsored legislation on lobbying and electoral fraud, climate change, nuclear terrorism, and care for returned U.S. military personnel. As of February 21, 2008, Obama had sponsored or co-sponsored 570 bills in the 109th and 110th Congress, of which 15 have become law. He has also found the cures for cancer, AIDS/HIV, scurvy, and twenty-three sexually transmitted diseases just by allowing them to enter his system to be erradicated by his Wolverine-like immune system (which happens to be one of his endless powers).
Since announcing his presidential campaign in February 2007, Obama has emphasized ending the Iraq War while maintaining a strong defense abroad, increasing energy independence, and providing universal health care as major priorities. He created the Hopemobile as his primary crime-fighting/campaign vehicle. He married in 1992 and has two daughters. He has written three bestselling books: a memoir of his youth titled Dreams from My Father, the Bible, and The Audacity of Hope, a personal commentary on U.S. politics.
We are now 34 days into my glorious Presidency - an age of hope and change. That is more than enough to do a review of the entire term, correct? Let us stop being arrogant asses who blame certain cliques of communities rather than responding to their critiques with thought instead of hate. A status of editor does not give one any more credibility than any other man, woman, or child of any race or communal status. Most importantly, let us choose hope and change over arrogance and ignorance.
Gaza, me and my boy Israel are calling you out. I remember when you were just a spunk skoozie gentile. Now you're just a busta. Straight up.
Now I see you spezzing out, toward it and out. Shootin' rockets and shit. Thats not cool bro, not cool. I'm here to tell you that me and my crew are gonna save that mosque/swimming pool. The day of the Gaza YMCA dance off is almost here. Get ready. Because you're cut. Voted off.
Ladies, gentlemen, and transgendered of America. I would like to thank you. Thank you for meeting the call to act. The call to inspire. The call to change. Thank you for electing me your President of the United States. We have come far but there is still much to be done. But we can make it. We can do it and will do it because we have hope and the audacity of hope is unifying.
There are many of us concerned with the current state of our economy. What we are experiencing is a test... an audacious test. This test is a call for each and every American to give change to others to spread the wealth around. My new economic policies of trickle down hope-o-nomics we will give hope to each and every American. We will cut taxes for people who don't pay taxes at all! That, America, is true change.
We need to put down the videogames and pick up the burden of our fellow brethren. We should be guardians of each others' well being. My Aunt Zeituni shouldn't be living in a slum. You as American taxpayers need to realize your obligations to help out people like my family. That, ladies and gentlemen, is true hope.
And with hope, comes change. So let us unify in unity under a new America. An America that brings success to the unified ignorant and those who don't take action. An America that will forgo a petroleum-based energy infrastructure and embrace hope-powered homes and automobiles - hopemobiles, if you will. An America that casts aside the once-powerful dollar and embraces change. An America that doesn't care about the selfish goals of a hairy, incompetent person of Afghani descent or a boring videogame website. Most of all, an America that hopes to unify for change...
America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the
past. It is time that I am a winner. I would like to thank Senator Clinton. We are all eternally
grateful for her strength, her courage and her commitment to the causes that brought us here
tonight. I would also like to thank her for losing and making me the presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party.
Now we stand on the edge of the beginning. A new era. There may be a competition between
myself and John McCain, but at the end of the election, we will all unify under the banner of
hope for a change in America for peace, unity, and change... and hope.
There is no America blacker than the underbelly of Isaac Hayes. There is no America whiter than the hair of the anit-Christ of John McCain. I envision a Morgan Freeman America: multicolored with distinguishable microcosms of cultures, religions, and skin tones on the spotted epidermis while America narrates with its beautiful voice in a two hour documentary about penguins searching for hope, unity, and change.
So, America, it is our time. Hope, unity, and change is coming. It is under the banner of the beauty and approval of its citizens that I can say, "I win. 1 - 0."
As an opponent of the Iraqi war since its inception, I find that violence is not the answer.
Just as great men before me have advocated change through non-violence, I feel that I
have been given the opportunity to unite America not through "final smashes," but through
hope. Where does this desire and passion for change that America has so beautifully
graced us with manifest itself?
Appearing on March 10, George of the Jungle is searching for a secret? What is that
secret? One that has been beneath our noses the entire time as a conservative
administration has prevented our children from swinging from trees and unifying under the
banner of hope.
Now you may ask yourself, "How can we turn around the Brawl war machine and the harm
it has already caused to American national security and the future of our children?" This is
simple, take the higher road and pick George of the Jungle next week.
I do not see a white America. I do not see a black America. I do not see a liberal America.
I do not see a conservative America. I see an American jungle of unity and hope that
strives for change. We need not fight over which white cartoon character to fight as when
we can find the simplicity and unity of a man named George in the jungle - a man that
gives us hope.
George of the Jungle promotes free and affordable health care for all Americans and will
pull us from Iraq on day one of my presidency with his seemingly limitless vines of hope.
So join me on election day. Vote for the jungle. Vote for hope. Vote for unity. Vote for
change. Vote against Brawl.