"Excuse me..." said the ruggedly handsome young warrior, "I'm looking for BioShock. It's a videogame that should be released today for the XBOX 360 but I can't see it anywhere."
The TESCO beast barely looked up from her pricing gun. "Have you looked in the videogame section?"
'No' thought Banj, 'I didn't look there because I'm a spastic'. "Yeah, I thought that's where it would be." He reeled from the statement as soon as it left his breath, it was a double-edged sword and depending upon how the TESCO troll chose to take it would either make him look really sarcastic or really fucking stupid.
The pricing gun slammed down the shelf the TESCO beast was working on. Obviously this specimen had an exciting new twist on the slogan 'the customer is always right'. She'd rewritten it and it flashed across her eyes, written in neon as she looked up at him, 'the customer is always a cunt'.
"People don't normally buy things like that this early. Hang on" she barked, "I'll go check. What was is? Buy... Buy what?"
Banj imagined her loud, clomping footsteps as she walked away as reports of rounds fired from an assault rifle as he walked from isle to isle culling this retarded herd. He mentally made his way through each checkout, two each in the head. He stormed the Security office taking out the fat, stupid security guards using the days fresh bagels as makeshift shuriken, than continued towards the managers office.
Alone in the entertainment isle at 06:36am on a Friday morning Banj imagined a camera doing a slow pan out from the front of the store. First the TESCO sign was revealed, it's bold red statement invoking images of Soviet Russia. A quick mental ajustment and the 'O' in TESCO became a sickle. The camera continued to pan out showing the deep red of the lettering continuing up the wall above the sign. The manager, gutted as a fish, hung like the crucifix from one of the unnecessary poles jutting out above the supermarket, it's purpose or, more likely, pretencious symbology known only to the architect of this urban work of modern art.
"Sorry love, we don't have it."
Banj snapped back to reality. 'Love' he though? 'Motherfucker, I'm 10 years older than you'.
"Okay, thanks for looking anyway." he smiled, 'you silly cow' he mantally added turning his back on her and walking out of the store.
True Story. read