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Dutch Poleaxe - Destructoid

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About
My name is Banj and I'm into chicks in a Michael Douglas way.

I live and work in the East Riding Of Yorkshire in a one-horse frontier town called Goole. If you imagine the river Humber as the arsehole of England, Goole is 25 miles up it. I'm 32 years old yet I'm still firmly on the cutting edge of all things, finger on the pulse, back to the wall and balls to the floor.

I work in harmony with the 'po po' in a crime fighting capacity, keeping the streets of Goole clean one dealer at a time. The inherant irony being that I used to have a massive drug problem but "takes a cunt to catch a cunt" as Jesus once said.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I fucking love videogames? I would say that a good 50% of my awake time is spend playing, reading about or talking about games. I'm currently totally and utterly addicted to my XBOX 360 and the whole Live community thing. It's truely the next step in gaming, not that fucking magic wand bollocks Nintendo are touting.

Lastly, I'm a huge fan of the 'Toid. I love it's general sense of humour, I love it's strong community but most of all I love the excellent forum and the members who post there. You cats are my bread and butter.

Now, sit back, relax and let me take you on a hugely irrelevant and pointless journey.
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Banj
11:00 AM on 10.13.2007

Banj says:
What time you off out tonight?

LoweyRamone says:
7:30pm

Banj says:
To a casino?

LoweyRamone says:
Bernards mam is driving us to the casino

LoweyRamone says:
yup

Banj says:
Her mam is taking you?

Banj says:
...what are you? Fucking 10?

LoweyRamone says:
no she's dropping us off you shitcunt

LoweyRamone says:
saves taxi fare

Banj says:
Way to impress the inlaws tightcunt.

LoweyRamone says:
her idea shitmouth

Banj says:
...trust me, she was hoping you'd copper up.

LoweyRamone says:
i asked at least 20 times

LoweyRamone says:
she said she wanted me to spend it on her instead

LoweyRamone says:
so i'll buy her a drink or 2

LoweyRamone says:
no more though ain't made of money

Banj says:
fuck that, get her steaming drunk then kick her back doors in.

LoweyRamone says:
she fucks me sober

LoweyRamone says:
i'm a loverman

Banj says:
up the trumper?

LoweyRamone says:
not trumped her yet

Banj says:
ergo, let the wine flow like rain...

LoweyRamone says:
ha ha

LoweyRamone says:
so thats what you did on your first few dates with 2-sock then? Got her pissed and bummed her?

LoweyRamone says:
nice...

Banj says:
Fuck me no, I still ain't cracked that nut.

LoweyRamone says:
never!

LoweyRamone says:
you lame bastards

Banj says:
She'll do anything else so I can't complain.

Banj says:
I'm not a huge fan of 'shitty-cock' anyway.

LoweyRamone says:
yeah but it's like have a sticker album but needing a 'shiney' to complete it

Banj says:
She doesn't drink anymore either so that shits out.

LoweyRamone says:
would she play a game of shit-sock with you?

Banj says:
...besides, it's like having a sticker album with one shiney of a shitty cock missing.

Banj says:
...wouldn't be that bothered.

LoweyRamone says:
ha ha

LoweyRamone says:
depends what the album was about

LoweyRamone says:
if it was a sticker album about shitty-cocks then it would be a big loss

LoweyRamone says:
i can remember my brother collecting the snooker sticker album

LoweyRamone says:
he gave me all the swaps and i had pictures of really shit snooker players all over my bedroom eg Willy Thorne on my lamp and a Neal Folwds collage on my TV cabinet

Banj says:
You lo-fi, hand-me-down-stickers, shitcunt.

LoweyRamone says:
true but if i hadn't have looked grateful he would have pinned me down and trumped in my mouth AKA a Dutch Poleaxe

Banj says:
...ha ha ha, Dutch Poleaxe

Banj says:
I'm using that.

LoweyRamone says:
Dutch Napalm = a strafing pump used when all your friends are sat on the settee



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