Quantcast
Community Discussion: Blog by Banj | Confessions of a MySpace swordsman...Destructoid
Confessions of a MySpace swordsman... - Destructoid

DestructoidJapanatorTomopopFlixist





click to hide banner header
About
My name is Banj and I'm into chicks in a Michael Douglas way.

I live and work in the East Riding Of Yorkshire in a one-horse frontier town called Goole. If you imagine the river Humber as the arsehole of England, Goole is 25 miles up it. I'm 32 years old yet I'm still firmly on the cutting edge of all things, finger on the pulse, back to the wall and balls to the floor.

I work in harmony with the 'po po' in a crime fighting capacity, keeping the streets of Goole clean one dealer at a time. The inherant irony being that I used to have a massive drug problem but "takes a cunt to catch a cunt" as Jesus once said.

Oh yeah, did I mention that I fucking love videogames? I would say that a good 50% of my awake time is spend playing, reading about or talking about games. I'm currently totally and utterly addicted to my XBOX 360 and the whole Live community thing. It's truely the next step in gaming, not that fucking magic wand bollocks Nintendo are touting.

Lastly, I'm a huge fan of the 'Toid. I love it's general sense of humour, I love it's strong community but most of all I love the excellent forum and the members who post there. You cats are my bread and butter.

Now, sit back, relax and let me take you on a hugely irrelevant and pointless journey.
Player Profile
Follow me:
Banj's sites
Badges
Following (12)  


Okay, this is a copy/pasta of an MSM Messenger conversation between me and a beautiful D'toider who's name shall be Miss X for the protection of her identity. Also, other names have been changed for the same reason.

I was at work on Banj Holiday Monday and bored as fuck so I started flirting with a random MySpace member, a middle-aged, enormously bossomed firecracker called Maxine who I'd never spoke to before.

As you join this tale of one man's quest to scrape the very bowels of Satan I've just sent the URL of her MySpace page to Miss X so she can offer me words of encouragement.


Miss X says:
shes fucking weird. though if im 40 and still single that is my future

Banj says:
Have you seen her rack? Holy shit!

Banj says:
I'm talking to her now.

Miss X says:
are you serisously? hahahaha!

Banj says:
Yeah, I'm such a one dimentional character aren't I?

Miss X says:
nah, your full of supprises actually

Banj says:
...she's composing an e-mail of photos that got banned off MySpace for me.

Banj says:
I'm an e-swordsman.

Miss X says:
no way!

Banj says:
...way!

Miss X says:
i wanna see!

Banj says:
Okay, I'll forward it to you.

Banj says:
Fucking hell, she's taking her time. It must be a right fucking album.

Banj says:
...what do you mean I'm full of surprises anyway?

Miss X says:
well each time you seem to be doing somthing, for example, getto cosplaying to chatting up big titted lesbians on myspace

Banj says:
...is she a lesbian?

Miss X says:
probably

Banj says:
Mail recieved...

Banj says:
Oh My God!

Miss X says:
what? WHAT?!

Banj says:
what's your e-mail address?

Miss X says:
*****************@hotmail.com

Banj says:
sent

Miss X says:
recieved and loading

Miss X says:
WOAH! big tits are big! hahaha

Banj says:
...yeah, she wants to meet.

Miss X says:
lol i bet she does

Banj says:
Oh man, she wants my mobile number...

Banj says:
...suddenly I want to bail out.

Miss X says:
now what do you do? NOW WHAT!?

Banj says:
...give her my number then go rattler her?

Miss X says:
youll get aids

Banj says:
Let's not forget I'm married too.

Miss X says:
well thiers always that

Miss X says:
though i have a feeling that, that wouldnt bother her

Banj says:
Exactly, I'd never cheat regardless of my D'TOID showmanship.

Miss X says:
we all know that really

Banj says:
...bollocks, really?

Banj says:
Maxine says:
I'm not a slag though babe..I just dont want to be tied down f/t..I love men and women and I have my ex who just wants to get back with me f/t..But I dont want that yet and he`s my security if I get fed up of the dating etc lol...I think people shouldnt be tied down to one person forever..You sort it out then lol

Miss X says:
awwww bless her and her bucket sized vagina

Banj says:
Yeah, I bet she's got a snizz like a clowns pocket.

Miss X says:
definatly, like throwing a sausage down a hall way

Banj says:
...oi!

Banj says:
not my sausage

Miss X says:
obviously

Banj says:
"I'm not a slag though babe..." = fucking priceless.

Banj says:
Took me 20 minutes to get naked pictures.

Banj says:
...and now she wants to fuck me for realz.

Miss X says:
haha, your just her dream man

Banj says:
She's only human sister.

Banj says:
I need you to bare witness because Mr X was trying to pull in Stickam this morning and getting nowhere...

Miss X says:
really? hahahahahahaha!

Banj says:
yeah, it was hella fun.

Miss X says:
well everyone in stickam is convinced that you actually are my brother

Banj says:
we should keep up that pretence then and evey now and again I'll something totally inappropriate to you.

Miss X says:
which normal anyway.

Banj says:
...how dare you sir!

Banj says:
I'm the embodiment of propriety and gentlemanliness.

Miss X says:
oh course you are

Banj says:
Well, I feel quite deflated after that little encounter. I fucked her off by telling her I needed to get back to work but I'm missing her desperation now.

Miss X says:
haha, nice.

Banj says:
How's your love life working out? Got any more gay actors in tow

Miss X says:
um not really. its still totaly dead

Banj says:
Bummer, well I'd chat you up bat as you can tell by the e-mail, my fee is fairly steep.

Miss X says:
yeah so ive heard

Banj says:
...and seen.


I would have posted the pictures but, trust me, they were porn of the lowest calibur.



Is this blog awesome? Vote it up!





Comments not appearing? Anti-virus apps like Avast or some browser extensions can cause this.
Easy fix: Add   [*].disqus.com   to your software's white list. Tada! Happy comments time again.

Did you know? You can now get daily or weekly email notifications when humans reply to your comments.


Back to Top




All content is yours to recycle through our Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing requiring attribution. Our communities are obsessed with videoGames, movies, anime, and toys.

Living the dream since March 16, 2006

Advertising on destructoid is available: Please contact them to learn more