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You're all Wrong, Kuja's Best!!!
Ballistic | 2:16 PM on 04.23.2009 13 comments


Okay, I will not deny the awesomeness of either Kefka, Sephiroth, or any other final fantasy villain for that matter, but merely to explain why in my mind, Kuja would make all the other vilians seem like pansies in comparison. There probably aren't alot of people who agree with me, but I hope to change their minds, or at least let them see my point of view. Here, I come to Kuja’s defense as if I were proving his case in a court of law. I’ll let Destructoid be the jury.



Exhibit A: Kuja’s theme music is fucking awesome. It’s simple, yet haunting and chilling. There’s no pretentious choir like Sephiroth’s One Winged Angel or elaborate and complicated sections to it like Kefka’s but it does it’s job of letting you know that the villain is on the scene ready to do some malicious shit.

Exhibit B: Androgyny is frightening due to its sexual ambiguity. The Japanese know this well and use that to their advantage to make their bad guys super scary. You may think Sephiroth is androgynous with all that long flowing hair, and Kefka could bury the pyramids under all that makeup, but they may as well look like the guys in contra compared to all the androgyny that Kuja wields. He unfolds his master plan while talking about it as if it were a play, and we all know ‘plays are for the gays’. For crying out loud, the man wears a thong on the battlefield! Anybody who does that can't be afraid of whatever you're gonna dish out against them, and is probably more concerned with throwing you off your game before you even face them. To top it all off, he’s got a tail. That’s right, he’s not only sexually ambiguous, he’s species ambiguous too. It’s almost as if some horrible serial killer blew up a building that somehow held several zoo animals and transsexuals in it, all in an attempt to harvest the corpses so he could sew them together to create a Cirque Du Soleil performer. No villain could even dare to have such a horrific origin story.



Yeah, I reused the image, but it's even more relevant to this blog! Why? Because...

Exhibit C: Kuja kidnaps children and underage girls with the help of twisted midget clown twins! Of course, he says it's for the eidolons trapped inside those supple young bodies, but you know he must get off on that kind of deranged fantasy situation. Even the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang would be uncomfortable with the stuff Kuja does.

Exhibit D: He rides a fucking silver dragon! That’s right he rides the famous C-Blog recapper Silverdragon1979!



No other villain has a ride that baller! You can't deny that a silver dragon is one of the most pimpin' transports there is.

Exhibit E: When he goes ‘trance’ all of his hair literally becomes feathers! Sephiroth would be so jealous if he knew. On top of the new look his trance allows him to wipe out your party with a single use of the spell Ultima.



Exhibit F: He went from being a simple doll and lackey for Garland to almost destroying all of life and existence. Not many can claim to even have dreams that big, let alone getting so close to accomplishing them. Kefka may have in fact been successful in bringing on an apocalypse and ending civilization in FF6, but it was Kuja who actually engulfed and destroyed the dying world of Terra for a lark on his way to trying to wipe out the crystal of life. Technically, he was even successful in his plan, killing the party and bringing about Necron, the ultimate harbinger of death. If Zidane and his group hadn’t simply refused to stop moving and beat Necron into submission, Kuja would have won.

I rest my case! So, after seeing all this evidence, are you still so sure that your favorite villain could go toe to toe with Kuja and win? Or would he take one look at Kuja and go mad like weaker mortals have? Ask yourselves this before you comment: Who would you be more afraid to be in the same room with, a dude with long hair, a creepy clown, or some freak whose part monkey, part woman and all villain?



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13 comments | showing # 1 to 13

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Shin Oni's Destructoid Blog
Who thought Kuja was bad?

Kuja > ALL. that dude is SEX
Ballistic's Destructoid Blog
I forgot to mention Sephirothx, Your blog is the reason why I did this. I'll give credit where credit's due. And thanks for the spelling error, I'll retire that picture now.
Ckarasu's Destructoid Blog
Kuja is my favorite FF villain. There was more to him than it looked. That, and his theme rocked (especially his final boss theme). Second has to go to ultimecia for me, for some god forsaken reason. Kefka is dead last.
The Phantom Gamer's Destructoid Blog
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

"pretentious choir"?

That choir made the Sephiroth fight.

(But yeah...Kuja's oft overlooked and his badassery should be brought to the masses.)
SephirothX's Destructoid Blog
Besides the spelling error, pretty good read otherwise.

@ Phantom Gamer
Agreed, the choir and One Winged Angel theme really made the Sephiroth fight what it was. But thats also because the fights with Bizzaro and Safer Sephiroth are just stupidly easy.
Naim Master's Destructoid Blog
Golbez .
Jonathan Holmes's Destructoid Blog
I agree, Kuja is way underrated, as is FFIX in general. It's definitely my favorite post-SNES Final Fantasy.
Ballistic's Destructoid Blog
Just for clarification, let me say that everything I said negatively against the the other FF villains was meant as a joke. I love every single part of One Winged Angel, and Dancing Mad is excellent as well.
Cavalier's Destructoid Blog
He's definitely overlooked, but the whole being laced with sensual flamboyancy doesn't help his BA factor.

For instance, take Kuja to the next level and you get Seymour.
*(Feed me Seymour..)

I think if Exdeath had the been placed in a later game with the same graphics and writing support he'd beat out Kuja.
007's Destructoid Blog
...I just had Final Fantasy IX spoiled for me. And I just started playing it too.

Yeah, I never understood how people could say that Kefka was that bad of a villain. He always came off more as weird than evil. He's a fucking clown... (or something like that)

Also, hilarious blog. I loled too much. DON'T EVER MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN, MAGGOT!
flabzilla's Destructoid Blog
Kuja was ok but the thing that really annoyed me was the last boss, it wasn't Kuja it was some compltly random, somone that was never mentioned in the story generic ugly boss. Complete bullshit.
Magnalon's Destructoid Blog
I like final Kuja. For some reason he was a bit weird to me when the actual final boss wasn't him though (typical Japanese).


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 about me


Hey, My name is Aaron, I'm half black, I rock an afro, and I've been playing video games for almost all my life. Right now, I'm without a Wii and am stuck in the last generation of consoles, which means I have to miss out on a LOT of good games coming out right now. However, through friends and other circumstances, I've been able to play through a couple of the can't miss ones.

My Favorite Games in a Series
Final Fantasy 9
Metal Gear Solid 2(haven't played 4 yet)
Mario Bros World
Kingdom Hearts 1
Resident Evil 4, (haven't played 5)
Halo 1, back when the Chief wasn't using fisher price guns
Armored Core 2, even though if you've played one, you know what the others are like.

Check out this 10 things you didn't know about me blog if you want to know more about me.

My interests outside of video games are the usual stuff, movies, books,some drawing and painting, and a bit of sports here and there. I even airsoft with my friends when they come back from college. My favorite superhero is most definitely Batman. I loved every movie in the series, yes including the bad ones, because I have a great love of horrible puns. But that doesn't compare to "The Dark Knight", which is easily one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. My favorite movie of all time though has to go to "Back to the Future", that movie is so wholly excellent, I can't even explain it, just see for yourself.


I used to have the actual movie cover featured here, but Mikey came up with such an incredible new one that this needs to be seen by as many people as possible.

Another great interest of mine is giant robots. I think it first started when I saw the power rangers summon the megazord for the first time. After that, I considered colossal sized mechs fighting other giant things to be the ultimate form of combat. So, it's a no brainer that my favorite anime is the Gundam series, and of that, Char Aznable's Sazabi from Char's Counterattack is my favorite gundam, hence my profile picture. I hope that helps you to know a bit about me.

Glorious!

If you really wanna know more about me( I don't know why you would...), I'm in a series of videos on youtube that me and my friends did. It's really bad, but also has a few genuinely awesome moments snuck in there. It's called Pipe Fighters. Check it out if you're bored:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hZqVAEc5m8

I don't make an appearance in this episode, but I'm in all of them after that one.

One last thing,

These guys rule. THE END.

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