Video games are broken.

So I used to be Kind of a Big Deal around here. At one point I had over five destructoid friends. I knew a guy who knew a guy who sat in a wine-filled bathtub with Jim Sterling. ahem huskyhog I may have, at one point, brushed shoulders with Niero himself. I don't think he noticed. It was in a huge crowd. And he may have been a black. Anyway, the point of all this is that I used to be, at one time, pretty obsessed with video games, before I discovered girls. last year.

I pretty much played video games all day like most of you, and spent exorbitant, lavish fortunes buying rare and collectible games like Madden '09 and NBA 2K11. I did "multiplayer gaming". I "argued with people on the internet" and "socialized with few physical people."

Yet while I still play games to a large extent, as I got towards the latter half of my twenties I found out that there is only a limited amount of time in life, and I was getting more satisfaction from creating things and pleasuring a woman than I was from yelling at virtual people who were stupid, making impressive save game files and trolling the internet. I know this is shocking but bare with me.

So cruelly, while my income suddenly increased from actual work output and a renewed interest in a career of some kind, I had much less time to play the vidya. Moving in with your lady can also devastate your solo entertainment hours, as I'm sure many of you can attest. This leads me to the current day, where if I can snatch two hours of straight time to play my favorite Dora the Explorer Learning Adventures, it's like an extra hour of exercise time in the yard for a prisoner who's been stuck in the hole for two weeks because his metaphors were too long in that video game personal blog he was keeping.

And now I finally come to the point, which is, fuck video games. yeah blah blah blah DLC is ruining shit DRM etc etc its all been said before. But seriously, when your "prize" for pre-ordering a game at gamestop is the chance to enter 5 25-digit codes for shit you are NEVER GOING TO USE AND WHICH EVERYONE ELSE ON EARTH HAS ALSO ATTAINED OR STOLEN, there is something wrong with the whole fucking system.

I mean think about it - if everyone pre-orders the game at gamestop, which the majority of players probably have, it's not a BONUS if you get the prize, it's a PENALTY FOR NOT SHOPPING AT GAMESTOP. Within the game. That affects gameplay. And a good example is mass effect 3. Those brilliant, insane, satanic and douchebag CEOS in marketing have figured out if you require multiplayer with a positive ending, then sell DLC that improves multiplayer for someone, then they can basically SELL YOU A BETTER ENDING.

It's like those DLC codes that unlock a whole game for you. What is the point? If you do that you are a worthless human being. I play games to challenge myself and feel rewarded for overcoming obstacles. That is the basic reason I play games. This new paradigm teaches kids that you can just throw money at problems to make them go away. Which is why I guess this new generation of children is fucked. And why gamers get a bad name because they are all whiney

So my final point, is if you make video games, or are involved in some way, and you're reading this: people don't like DRM. People don't like entering 25 digit redeem codes. People don't like on-disc DLC because it seems exploitative. People don't like in-game advertising, no matter what your market research says.

YOU'RE RUINING VIDEO GAMES AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD