ATTACK!

I know, I'm blogging a lot, its like I'm on meth today. Just kidding, that's the cocaine talking. nah nah nah I'm just playin', I only drink syrup. you know, the 'tussin. N E wai.... awkwaaaard. IGN has some pretty cool deets about this diving simulator for the wii.

Now to preface this (and oh how I love to preface!) I am a serious diver, I went all over Belize for two months one summer, working for the nature conservancy, filming underwater research and helping out. It was like being on heroin. kind of sad to say your life peaked at age 19, but hey, at least I still look great.

So, that being said, I am probably more excited at this than most "normies" but I've got to say it looks promising, and so far the japanese press have been lavishing the praise. I've never really lavished anything before. Does it hurt?

- "Some of the fun centers on the sea-life that you encounter during your exploration. If you see a fish that interests you, you can turn your attention to it and take a picture, or make friends by feeding it. Get friendly enough, and information about the creature will be added to a growing sea-life gallery that's accessible from your ship. Eventually, you'll gain access to an aquarium that you can freely populate with your underwater pals."

- "Early in the game, you come into the company of a special friend, a dolphin! Following your initial meeting, you can call the dolphin to your side whenever you're out on dives. You can also teach the dolphin to perform tricks! There are some hints that the game will include more than just this single friend creature."

- The game also has another rarity in Wii gaming -- full online support! Making use of Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection, you can travel to your friend's boat and head out on dives for cooperative exploration. The game includes a simple chat interface where you select from pre-set messages using the Wiimote's d-pad.


FULL ONLINE??? are you shitting me? You mean I can send out my attack dolphin to rape my friends?

sold.

PS: FUN FACT

When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.