In my travels across the lands I have encountered many odd and strange things. I've seen
a transvestite have her penis ripped off by a tiny midget mans mouth. I've seen a black
person get naked, rob a store at night, and get a way without being spotted (due to his
natural camouflage). Heck, I've seen a 600 lbs. boy gobble down a whole, live, baby
lioness. All these things or "situations" have been handled with a nice drop kick to the
noggin. But, there's one thing I've seen many times and have never been able to get under
control...

[b]Mexicans. Illegal Mexicans! [/b]

These border jumping lunatics disgust me. They're the gum on the bottom of your shoe.
They're the pimple on your penis. They're the booger in your nose that you can't get out,
no matter how much you pick it (which eventually just disappears into your brain). Yeah,
that's what illegal mexicans are to me.

There's only 4 ways to destroy these border jumping fools. These four ways are:

1. Put them all in a giant sack of potatoes and flail them around and knock them into solid
brick walls. That'll show them. Their heads will explode and their bones will break so fast
that they won't know what to do except shit all over each other while crying.

2. Fly planes over their country and drop cowboy hats and american flags onto every roof
of every home (we all know mexicans don't live in homes. They live in sewers and holes in
the ground. This way, we won't have to spend much on american flags and cowboy hats)
because we know they come to this country just to have a fucking flag and a hat. Those
disgraceful pigs!

3.Throw 1,000,000 raibe infested rats over the border and strap lasers to their foreheads.
This way, even if those smelly people don't get bitten, they'll still get a nice burnt out skull
from a cute little red laser!

4.Unleash my secret science project. I mutated this animal to be what it is just to get rid of
this Mexican infestation. I call it..... Steven Seagul! Yes, I did it. I took steven segals quick
moves and beautiful head and attatched it to the body of a seagul. All it will take is one
swift flying head butt and a swift claw to the neck to take out this godddamned bastards out
for good! In case you think I'm lying about my little "mutant creature" friend, I have proof.

I, BaBaBaBaBirdman, unveil to you, the reader, my latest creation. I give you, Steven
Seagul!

[url=http://img507.imageshack.us/my.php?
image=stevenseaguluf9.jpg][img=http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/4535/stevenseagul
uf9.th.jpg][/url]

Turok, oh, Turok. How I longed for thee. I downloaded the demo only to be disappointed. I
don't know why I expected great things from this game. It's probably because all the footage
I saw of it looked amazing. Well, I played the demo, and I must say... it was terrible. I'd give
it a measly 4/10 at best, and that's only cause the graphics were kind of sort of okay.

The knife was fucking ridiculous. You could only use it when the little icon for RT says you can.
Oh, look, an enemy. Don't try to stab him yourself! Wait till the little icon gives you it's
approval. Then, and only then, you can enjoy a cool little cut scene (only to be killed half way
through it by some random asshole chucking grenades your way).

Bow and Arrow? Can't say much. I'd rather lick my own asshole than play with that weapon in
any video game ever again. Oh, Turok. How you failed me, I don't know.

Also, what the french? Toast.

P.S. This game is about as useful/awesome as a dolphin with a rocket launcher strapped to it's
back. (Not to say a dolphin wielding a rocket launcher isn't cool)