Fred Willlard has some sort of cooking game telling him what to do. Some fat guy who is probably named Rumpelstiltskin follows him to the grocery. Jokes, puns, and sheer awesome ensue. Singing pixies then show up at the door, and then a crazy chili party reaches maximum awesomosity. Also, he says 'meat' a lot.

What a fuckin' baller.

I'm so indie. I make Top 11 lists instead of Top 10. You can't control me. This isn't even a "Best of" list. Why don't you go home and cry to the establishment?

Anyway, 2008 was a pretty good year for games. I found a few new favorites (lookin' at you, Fallout). Here, however, are some of the games that slipped through my grasp.




Pure

Why I Didn’t Play It: Sports games, especially ones involving sports foreign to me, are never my cup of tea. Despite SSX Tricky being my favorite game of all time, other sports games like Madden and FIFA never caught my attention. I don’t follow ATV racing in real life, and so that interest never carried over to my gaming.

Why I Want To Play It: I played the demo, and it had a similar SSX vibe to it. If they just made the tracks a little bit zanier, made the tricks a little bit crazier, and added drivers with much more personality, I might have picked this one up. Of course, I’m still holding out for the possibility of an SSX 4.



Dead Space

Why I Didn’t Play It: Two reasons: cash supply and genre (though mostly the former). I have never liked, nor played, survival horror. It just isn’t my thing. Dead Space jumped out at me for some reason, though. Maybe it’s because it looks beautiful, scary, and difficult without being too much of a hassle.

Why I Want To Play It: Aside from getting admirable reviews from publications and the Destructoid community, it would probably be a fun game to have my friend and I play simultaneously. Then we would meet up at lunch and talk about all the “Oh shit!” moments.



No More Heroes

Why I Didn’t Play It: It’s on the Wii, and it didn’t look like a surefire success. I didn’t want to dust off the white paperweight (“Oh no he di-int”). The game looked a bit too quirky for my taste, and I consider myself to be a pretty quirky dude. Word of mouth also informed of some tedious parts that I didn’t want to deal with.

Why I Want To Play It: It is easily the year’s best Wii game among the core gaming community. It looks funny, people seem to love the main character, and it has a cool artistic style. Also, I heard you save by taking a shit.



Persona 4

Why I Didn’t Play It: I don’t own a Playstation 2. In addition, I fall into the “Western RPG” camp. I’ve never completed a Final Fantasy, nor do I particularly want to. Anime is also one of those things I just don’t find very appealing.

Why I Want To Play It: It is almost unanimously described as one the best games of the year, and a near-perfect RPG. Whereas No More Heroes looked a bit too off-kilter, Persona 4 looks just right.



Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts

Why I Didn’t Play It: Having never played the first two (gasp), anticipation wasn’t high for this one. Additional whining about the series’ change in direction was another turnoff. It seems that popular opinion was split about this one.

Why I Want To Play It: Thanks to Gamestop customer support, I gleaned a free code for the original on XBLA. The game is friggin’ funny, and I’ve heard that the newest iteration upholds that reputation. It looks colorful, and whimsical, and joyous. The $40 price tag certainly doesn’t hurt it either.



Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots

Why I Didn’t Play It: Never playing the first three games in the Metal Gear Solid series is one of my greatest shames. I have never owned any of the three Playstations. Unfortunately, I do not own or foresee myself buying a PS3, so this one is sitting on the “Fat chance” pile of games to play.

Why I Want To Play It: The story sounds awesome, intriguing, and convoluted. Even though I pretty much know what happens, it seems like one of those games that needs to be experienced.



Prince of Persia

Why I Didn’t Play It: The game’s reputation for constant handholding and ease of play made it seem to be unworthy of a $60 investment.

Why I Want To Play It: It looks gorgeous, and its ease is not necessarily a turnoff. I enjoy games more for the experience than I do a challenge. I have no problem turning Fallout 3 to its easiest setting and then just soaking up the world around me. Prince of Persia seems right up that alley. Not the same type of game, but the same type of traversal experience.



World of Goo

Why I Didn’t Play It: I didn’t feel like dusting off my Wii, and my PC is shit. In 7th grade, I took a technology class, and I couldn’t design bridges to save my life. From what I’d seen, this looked like the same thing.

Why I Want To Play It: It’s cheap, it looks cute, and Neil Patrick Harris gave it an award. The trifecta.



Boom Blox

Why I Didn’t Play It: Another Wii game. I just couldn’t bring myself to turn on the system. A large component of the game is multiplayer, and no one else in my household plays games. Hence, I play multi online.

Why I Want To Play It: It’s got Steven Spielberg’s name on the box. Plus, Jenga is the shizzit and you can blow up sheep. Need I say more?



Fable II

Why I Didn’t Play It: Despite getting a positive review from my friend, I never played the first Fable. The sequel never sold me on its own. The artistic direction was bit creepy, in my opinion. It looked like one of those games that I could wait for a price drop on.

Why I Want To Play It: My friend, who is a cheap bastard (read: Jewish), actually bought this game, so I know it has to be good. I might just end up borrowing it. Plus, you can fuck people and make babies and shoot dudes and get fat. That’s a legendary combination of maneuvers.



Eternity’s Child

Why I Didn’t Play It: My PC sucks. Luc Bernard is emo.

Why I Want To Play It: It’s like a train wreck. I’m scared but I can’t look away.



See you in 2009!

Criterion Games is awesome. They gave us bikes and other cool shit for Burnout Paradise. Personally, I can't wait for the Jansen 88 Special, which we all know is actually the car from Back to the Future. It looks amazing. It leaves flame trails.

Here's a Criterion Christmas Carol and the first footage of the greatest car EVER.



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Netflix streaming capabilities is easily my favorite new thing about the NXE, but what are the best movies to add to your queue? Here are the top 10.




10. The Wild Bunch
The Wild Bunch is a badass Western. William Holden leads a gang of outlaws looking for one last score as the old West is transitioning into a more modern society. The film is most notable for its rampant, though I wouldn't say excessive, use of blood and gore. If you want to save some time, fast forward to the last ten minutes and watch the most amazing shootout ever captured on film. In addition, those looking for a more thoughtful western should add The Searchers to their queue.




9. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Moving to a more contemporary film, Charlie Kauffman's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a mindfuck of a movie. After Jim Carrey gets his mind wiped in order to forget his ex-girlfriend (played by Kate Winslet), crazy shit starts going down. This is a movie that begs for a second viewing. Also, keep an eye out for the amazing Tom Wilkinson (aka Guy in my blog header) in a bit part as the doctor who wipes Carrey's mind.




8. Bullitt
Arguably Steve McQueen's best movie, Bullitt follows a cop tasked with protecting a witness testifying against the mafia. McQueen is classic cool in this movie, and the highlight is a tense chase through the streets of San Francisco performed by car enthusiast McQueen himself.




7. Stand By Me
Adapted from a Stephen King story and being a classic 80s movie, Stand By Me follows the journey of four boys looking for the body of a boy who was hit by a train. It's got the breakout performances of both geek celeb Wil Wheaton as well as River Phoenix. 24 fans will get a kick out of a young Kiefer Sutherland kicking ass way before CTU ever hired him. Stand By Me also features the classic 'train dodge' scene. "Hey Lard-Ass! Chow down!"




6. The Day The Earth Stood Still
The Day The Earth Stood Still is THE classic science fiction movie. Nothing else can ever compare. It's deliciously cheesy in its Cold War sensibilities about nuclear weapons, and it's the perfect alternative to the abortion of a remake coming out on December 12th. Elevate your geek cred by going to sci-fi conventions and yelling "Klaatu barada nikto". As a supplement to TDTESS, add the first season of The Twilight Zone to your queue and watch the classic episode "Time Enough At Last".




5. Cool Hand Luke
Sent to a chain gang for taking the heads off of parking meters (though the real crime is nonconformity), Paul Newman gives his greatest performance as Luke Jackson. George Kennedy also gives a strong performance as Luke's right hand man. Luke's attempt at eating 50 hardboiled eggs in one hour is both hilarious and cringeworthy simultaneously, and Cool Hand Luke has one of cinema's most classic lines: "What we've got here is... failure to communicate."




4. Escape From New York
The ultimate spur-of-the-moment movie, Escape From New York is just full of moments that can only be described as "fucking badass". The year is 1997, and Manhattan has been turned into a maximum security prison island. When the presidential escape pod lands inside the walls, Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) is forced to take on the Duke of New York (Isaac Hayes) in order to rescue the president and decide the fate of the world. Sounds awesome, right? Would it make you even more interested if I told you that the eyepatch-endowed Snake Plissken is the main inspiration for Metal Gear Solid's Solid Snake? Consider your interest piqued.




3. Little Shop of Horrors
My favorite musical, Little Shop of Horrors is delightfully demented in the way it eschews the genre. From the doowop opening theme to its ballad about living in poverty, the songs are surprisingly catchy. The plot follows a lowly flowers store janitor who buys an alien, maneating plant. Rick Moranis is at his best here (yes, better than Ghostbusters) and a special appearance by Steve Martin as a crazy dentist certainly livens up the joint.




2. Duck Soup
The Marx Brothers are staples of slapstick and vaudeville comedy, outclassing the three Stooges by a mile. Duck Soup is their greatest film without question, and at a scant 70 or so minutes, it's the perfect way to take a break from gaming. Filled with hysterical musical numbers, jaunty wordplay, and the always hilarious 'Mirror scene', a staple of physical comedy imitated many times over, Duck Soup is a must-watch for anyone who likes to laugh.




1. Space Jam
Do I really need to say anything? It never hurts to have Space Jam at your fingertips whenever your jonesin' for some of the best acting Michael Jordan has ever done. Five aliens come to Looney Tunes Land to kidnap Bugs and crew by challenging them to a basketball game. The Tunes enlist His Airness, while the aliens steal the powers of five 90s basketball greats. It's got high-octane sports moments, Bill Murray, and an amazing montage featuring Charles Barkley and Mugsey Bogues, plus the greatest opening song EVER. What more could you want?





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LittleBigPlanet is supposed to be the PS3’s saving grace this holiday season. It’s meant to push the way that players interact with their games, allowing them to create and share their own masterpieces. Many gamers, including ones on Destructoid, have stated that this is the game that will sell them a PS3, but I have no idea why they want the game. I’m not denying that the game shows a near limitless potential, but I’ve only seen this assertion in theory, never in practice.

It doesn’t help that gaming blogs (including Destructoid) and professional sites such as 1UP do little to endorse the games versatility. Quick searches of Destructoid and Kotaku pulled up multiple posts about a tribute to other games using LBP. Isn’t this counterproductive? In its review of the game, Kotaku stated that “This is a game of potential, a jumping off point for a great journey and it's up to the gamers not the developers to see how it turns out.” Likewise, Destructoid posted that “The game is going to continually grow and hopefully evolve as the designers get a better grasp of what is offered in the game.” Despite these claims, I have seen absolutely no evidence of this evolution. I’m sure these instances of great design exist, but gaming sites do nothing to foster this. The only LBP posts I see are about someone recreating Super Mario or Metroid or some other shoddy remake.



Congratulations, gaming community. We have the versatility to create a rudimentary calculator and GNR covers. Mission accomplished.

The lack of publicity when it comes to LBP originality is frightening. Anyone who spends time online knows that the internet moves at a breakneck pace. Glitches are reported also simultaneously with a game’s release, flame wars ignite and then burn themselves out, and trends arise every single day. Sure, every game can expect a Mario remake, but after a month of being available to the public, we should have moved past this point. The LittleBigPlanet evolution seems like a bust. I long for the day when levels more than thirty seconds long are celebrated for their design, not just a shallow joke.



People don’t buy camcorders so that they can shoot remakes of The Godfather, nor do they buy guitars so they can rerecord Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Maybe these are unfair comparisons, but I hope my notion is coming across loud and clear. LittleBigPlanet, in its current state, is nothing but broken promises. People are downloading and rating levels within the game, but outside of that, gamers have done absolutely nothing to communicate how versatile the game is, and I’ve grown jaded because of it. I hope for the day when gaming sites will stop rewarding the continual reuse of the same concepts over and over again. It is probable that this LittleBigPlanet situation speaks to a larger problem with the gaming community as a whole: even as we try to move forward, we keep living in the past.

Last night I picked up Mirror’s Edge. You know, that parkour game that doesn’t have a brown color palate and looks genuinely unique in nearly every way. In short, I truly had a great time in Mirror’s Edge, though there are a few issues with the game. For a long response, keep reading.

While I picked up Mirror’s Edge last night, it should also be stated that I finished the game last night as well. It took me a little over five hours to run through on the Easy difficulty. I played through on easy due to the numerous horror stories I’d heard about the combat in the game (and I was going for the ‘no guns’ achievement). I highly recommend the easy setting for those who have never gotten their hands on the game before. I don’t think it would be wrong for me to postulate that much of the games length comes from arbitrary difficulty in combat, so those who want mileage are going to have to take the frustration that comes along with a higher difficulty.

The story, which I never had high hopes for, was exactly what I expected it to be: blah blah utopia blah blah conspiracy blah blah drama. I just wish that DICE could have settled on one method of telling the story. The animated cutscenes, though well animated, are bland, but the sections of the story told in-engine with the first-person view are much more effective at communicating emotion. The final sequence was surprisingly intense. That said, the dialogue has a few clunkers and the whole ‘mirror’s edge’ metaphor/motif needs to be fleshed out more.

A few of the levels have chase sequences, but they seem artificial, as the subject you are chasing will periodically stop and wait for you. Designing these sequences can be tough, as balancing difficulty with player skill is a challenge, but I wish these sequences were a little less transparent in their execution.



The game controls wonderfully, though. After the prologue, I quickly got used to the shoulder button control scheme, with one button for up actions and one button for down actions. It felt great to be able to string together combos, which brings me to another reason why you should play through the first time on easy- so you can learn the controls without much interruption. Eventually things will start to flow, and though you might not always be in constant motion, it still feels organic in a way that most first-person movement is not. By this, I mean that things will come to you naturally, rather than pondering movements for a few minutes, or taking too much time to plan out your route. There is a fair amount of trial and error, but no headscratchers or egregious difficulty spikes. The gameplay, rather than narrative payoff, is the reward in Mirror’s Edge.

One of the issues that I took with control is that, at points, the system is too versatile. By this, I mean that anything can be grabbed or vaulted over. This led to a frustrating instance where I kept grabbing scaffolding as I fell from a great height. This landed me gently at the bottom of the room, forcing me to climb back up just so I could kill myself to get put at a checkpoint even higher up. In addition, I wish pipe grabbing was a tad more forgiving.

Combat, though you may have already heard, is stiff and poorly executed. The disarms are stylish, but all of the animations are too canned, and not being able to disarm a keeled-over enemy seems like a pretty big oversight. It’s possible that this was a design choice to discourage direct combat (just as the developers of Resident Evil claim to have purposefully borked their controls to increase tension).

Mirror’s Edge should also be duly complimented for its art style and graphical prowess. The Unreal Engine shows its muscle in the detailed character models, and the crisp art style. The game use a simple white-and-(insert color here) artistic direction to help you see the red Runner Vision targets in the area. The art style bit me in the ass once, however, as an excessively orange warehouse led to some navigational difficulties. Another issue with the environments is that in an effort to accustom the player to items that they can interact with, DICE has reused a lot of the same scaffolding, piping, and building models again and again. This leads to both familiarity and a faint sense of déjà vu. Overall, though, the crispness of the graphics and the simple art style lead to an eerily clean and easy to navigate world.



Because of how starkly unique Mirror’s Edge is to anything else you have ever played, game elements that would arbitrarily extend the length of any other game seem to be a positive here, rather than lazy design on a developers part. I genuinely look forward to playing through levels a second time in order to collect the frivolous messenger bags hidden throughout the levels (though unlockable design sketches indicate the bag played a larger role in earlier versions).

The features that will most extend your Mirror’s Edge mileage, however, are the Time Trial and Speed Run modes, which are exactly what they sound like. They keep track of how quickly you can get through each level, challenging players to find unorthodox routes and encouraging players to ratchet up their skill level. The mode is surprisingly robust, breaking down your runs and letting your know whether you hit the target time to each checkpoint. It’s also nice that you can download ghosts from the leaderboards to see how the world’s best approached each section, but there are some caveats that go along with the ghosts, most notably that they are from the world’s best players. This means that in order to see how they approach a level, you have to keep up with them, which can be incredibly difficult to do. I would have loved to see a feature that allowed you to simply view a replay from their perspective rather than having to keep up with a ghost, as well as the ability to save replays your own best runs.

For the skeptics, I’d recommend a rental or wait for a price drop, but Mirror’s Edge is a game that fans of first-person games should play. It’s unique in its art style, its controls, its style of play, and how it encourages avoiding combat. Are there flaws? Yes. Will it frustrate you? Occasionally. As a whole experience, though, the package is greater than the sum of its parts. It truly feels rewarding to string together a set of moves and come out on top (literally and figuratively), and the framework is there to be explored for what I hope to be many years to come.