No, seriously. The newest VG Cats comic about Team Rocket was totally hilarious. I thought it was cute, but then Professor Oak made an appearance, and I thought it was funny.
Then I got to the final panel.... and I fucking lost it. It was almost as funny as Ron Workman and Nick Chester on GTTV last night.
I couldn't think of anything you like, so I got you a gift certificate for Bed Bath & Beyond. I hope you like the new Saffron-infused shampoo and conditioner or whatever the fuck you blow it on.
Honestly, I just came to this party for the free food.
More than any other entertainment industry, the gaming industry runs on hype. Very rarely, a game with little marketing will become a success, and the hype machine fuels a lot of release day sales.
Marketing your game takes a very special vocabulary. A developer or PR rep will normally throw out a lot of bullshit, and most gamers take it at face value, unable to extract the truth from all of the padding. Most marketers rarely uses a words denotation, but rather, its connotation.
That’s why I’m here to help. Hit the jump for the most annoying words used by the games industry, and what they mean (or whether they mean anything at all).
Best-selling This is one of those words that is extremely easy to justify use of. Because gaming relies so much on sales through a number of outlets, a game can be best-selling based on NPD numbers, Amazon.com sales numbers (which EGM uses in their issues), or any other sales outlet. Take this trailer for C&C3: Kane’s Wrath. Apparently C&C3 was the #1 RTS of 2007… according to the October NPD sales numbers. Apparently one month of sales is indicative of the entire year; and that doesn’t even take into account the uber-busy Christmas shopping months of November and December.
Visceral If a game has any gratuitous blood, then it is classified as visceral. To marketers and journalists, visceral is an adjective for extremely gory and brutally violent. If a developer aims for visceral, it means that they want their game to make you kill babies and use their blood to bake bread. In fact, visceral is defined as relating to internal organs, technically making Trauma Center the most visceral gaming experience available.
RPG Elements If a game allows a character to get stronger or augment their weapons, it has RPG Elements. RPG Elements is a relatively new word for a concept that has been a part of the games industry for 20 years. Games like BioShock, with its plasmids, and Crackdown, with its ability leveling, are examples of games with RPG Elements. However, could it not be argued that Contra and Mario have RPG Elements? You could get powerups, or you could pass them up. What about Gears of War? You could choose which path to go down. Apparently, any game that gives you a choice has RPG Elements.
Fall 200X aka Spring 200X+1
Dynamic Dynamic is a nothing word that developers resort to using when nothing else comes to mind. All dynamic means is that something is changing. Does it rain? Dynamic weather! Dynamic has completely lost its literal meaning and has come to simply mean that shit happens within a game. That’s it. If a marketer can only describe parts of their game as dynamic, be smart enough to realize that the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.
Next-gen The picture above demonstrates what a typical PR meeting looks like. In no way, do I intend it to be a caricature. It’s been two frickin’ years since the first iteration of the Xbox 360 and over a year since the first Wiis and PS3s were sold. This is the now-gen. Get used to it.
Motion controls/waggle In my omniscient opinion, motion controls indicate that you have to perform a distinct motion to do something. The best example of this is Zack & Wiki. in which players could saw down trees by performing the actual motion. Games such as Super Mario Galaxy and The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, that simply have players shaking their wrists to perform swords slashes or stun enemies do not exemplify what motion controls are. This is better known as waggle. Knowing the difference is half the battle.
These are just a few of the many words developers will throw around to try to portray their game as innovative, and fresh. In actuality, very few games are truly the fresh face they present themselves as. Hopeully, the next time a new press release comes out, you'll be able to see through the facade of polysyllabic gibberish.
Just spotted this on the Gamerscore Blog. Apparently everyone should add Roncore to their Xbox Live Friends list. He's got an epic beard, his mom is the Internet, and his father left for a pack of cigarettes and never came back.
Also, Ron starts laughing when Paladino asks about a 360 MMO. Coincidence? Definitely not. Workman was personally called about by the guys at Infinity Ward last year when they made everyone sign NDAs.
"It's like Crackdown but with more.... why am I comparing it to Crackdown?"
Portal has been critically praised and has become an internet phenomenon over the last few months. But it's not perfect, and there are some niggling issues which I keep wondering about as I play the game over and over again.
Let's begin with point #1:
No backstory
Throughout Portal, we are given no reason as to how or why our character has been chosen to participate in Aperture Science's grueling tests. Hell, we don't even find out our characters name unless we pay attention to one line of the end credits. Plus, what kind of a name is Chell? Really?
This is as much as one can learn about Chell from in-game info:
That picture is the best way to learn anything about the main character.
Point #2:
Completely linear levels
Every single testchamber in Portal has only one way to get through it. We've seen speed runs online, but is that really a different way of approaching the puzzle? No, it's just an exploits. There are no branching paths, no difficult choices to make, and the only replayability of the games lies in the Advanced maps and challenge modes. I will admit that each chamber is carefully designed down to the last pixel, but let's see some more imagination at work, Valve.
Point #3:
No multiplayer
I have no idea how it would work, but doesn't this picture make you wish it had happened at all?
In case you haven't heard, today is the 50th anniversary of the Lego. It's basically like a second birthday for me. Before they all became licensed crap and Bionicle, I was fucking obsessed with Legos. I went to the Legoland in both California and England. It fucking rocked.
I have two bookcases in my basement devoted completely to Legos. Wanna see?
Includes: Bionicle
Lego studios
Life On Mars
Adventurers (Egypt, Dinosaur, and Amazon)
Pirates
Roboforce
Underwater
Astronauts
Roboriders
Arctic
Rock Raiders
Star Wars
Wild West
ResQ
Throwbots
Time Travelers
Harry Potter
