Here, as promised, is the sixteenth portion (including my review and bonus characters) of my in-depth Super Smash Bros. Brawl critique for Rorschach’s contest.

After writing this all out, I realized it is way too long for a single post. I’ll break it down into two characters at a time and release them over the course of the week so you can read who you like at your own leisure.

The following will detail my impressions and thoughts of every character in the second row of the final roster, two at a time. So, if you haven’t finished unlocking the entire roster, or have been living under a fucking rock for a couple months, don’t read any further. There may be a surprise or two mentioned herein. I’ll also offer up one or two suggestions for additional characters that I feel should have made the roster or deserve a spot in the next iteration. Enjoy.

Lucario

Lucario is the way in which Pokemon characters need to be brought into the Smash fold. I stopped playing the Pokemon franchise roughly half way through the first Red title, but I still know that Lucario is a badass. Everything about him (her?) is awesome. He’s an anthropomorphic wolf thing that shoots laser beams and fights using Force/chi-like energy blasts. Oh, and if you beat him up, he gets STRONGER. Finally, a Pokemon that’s NOT Jigglypuff.


Lucario.

Now, I know that Lucario was included to pretty much fill the “mysteriously powerful epic-like Pokemon” gap that was left when Mewtwo went out of style, but I don’t care. I think Lucario is a far better Smash combatant in almost every way shape or form. I hated Mewtwo. He was floaty and not nearly as cool as he should have been. Lucario more than makes up for it.

I’m sure most of you know Lucario’s moveset even better than I do, so I just wanna make a quick rant about his damage mechanic. As I mentioned earlier, as you attack Lucario and inflict damage he becomes more powerful (I envision him getting really pissed off at this process, too, like the Hulk). This is the single coolest gameplay mechanic in Smash. Ever.

The whole idea that a fighter is able to overcome adversity and prevail in the face of defeat is a story element used in tales ages old. The fact they managed to place that same ideology/mechanic within the confines of a game where you essentially just kick the living shit out of each other for fun AND did it effectively is fucking brilliant. I can’t say how much I enjoy the IDEA behind Lucario. Dude could be the worst character in the damn game move-wise (which he isn’t, by far) and I’d still like playing as him. Motherfucker inflicts fear on his enemies. No one wants to be the guy punching Lucario. No one. They don’t wanna be the person that makes him snap and go ape shit on everyone.


Also Lucario (Almendarez). It was in my Google search. I swear.

When I play as Lucario I like to stand still and just take every beating that comes at me. Why block? It only makes me less powerful than if I let ‘em keep hitting me. I’m sure you could argue that there’s some deep strategy for playing as Lucario where you hafta balance your health with your own damage potential and all that horse shit tournament players will tell you. Well, fuck that. Here’s the strategy: LET THEM HIT YOU. THEY WILL REGRET IT LATER WHEN YOU JEDI FORCE PUNCH THEIR FACE IN.

Downright coolest player in the game. He’s an ice cold killer. Recognize it. Fear it. Love it.

Lucario = Win. I have nothing else to say on the matter.

Ness

I never liked Ness. Not once. I’ve never enjoyed playing as him. His bat smash is way too powerful and I find him too difficult to control in air. He’s finicky and takes way too much time to learn how to use effectively in actual combat.


Definitely Ness.

They’ve changed up his moves a bit to coincide with the introduction of Lucas, Mother/Earthbound’s other native son, but it doesn’t make a difference to me. I still find him abysmal to play with and legitimately un-fun.

If you liked him before you’re probably a huge fanboy of his series and nothing I say will matter. It’s not gonna make you change your thoughts/feelings towards him. You will love him despite how much I think he sucks. I’m cool with that. You should be, too. If you never played with him, I wouldn’t suggest it. There are better fighters to learn how to use AND you’ll have fun as you do so.


Possibly Ness.

**Side Note: The new Earthbound New Pork City stage sucks balls. It’s fucking ginormous and the single worst arena in the game to actually have heated battles on. You can’t see SHIT on the screen the moment people move away from one another and it’s annoying as shit. If you wanna pay homage to the series, just play on the classic Onett stage. It’s way more manageable.**

Ness = Fail. I’ve never liked him. Brawl didn’t change that fact. Whatever.

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for my critique of Sonic!

Or read my review of the game!

Or, if you need to catch up on old critiques try these:

First Row:
Mario and DK
Link and Samus
Kirby and Fox
Pikachu and Marth
Mr Game & Watch

Second Row:
Luigi and Diddy Kong
Zelda/Sheik and Pit
Meta Knight and Falco
Pokemon Trainer
Ike and Snake

Third Row:
Peach and Yoshi
Ganondorf and Ice Climbers
Kind Dedede and Wolf

And my bonus characters who should have made the roster:

Mega Man
Bomberman

Thanks for reading!