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About
Twenty four years ago I was adorable. Now I'm inquisitive and hilarious.



I have a plastic tooth to replace one lost in a mosh pit during my more ridiculous high school years. I speak shitty German and I ride a bike. My Xbox gets so much use, I'm sometimes embarassed. But I'm unemployed, so my time is spent writing blogs on the internet, reading good literary fiction, and playing video games.

In the grand scale of things, I'm a late-bloomer. My parents banned all consoles from my house as a kid. See what you've done? Now I game constantly to make up for years of lost time.

I won't list my favorites, because you've probably seen ten lists like it before me.

There's a life-sized Boba Fett standee in my living room.

No Clip Series:
Grand Theft Auto IV
Fallout New Vegas
Red Dead Redemption

Journalism!:
The Slapstick Cephalopod: An Interview with the Octodad Team
Chicago Night Fights: Marvel vs Capcom 3
Inventing the Paint: An Interview with Author Tom Bissell
Top 10 Greatest Tiny Video Game Characters

Front-Paged Monthly Musings:
Groundhog Day: The Liberty to Pursue
Teh Bias: Critical Errors at Surface Level
Alternate Reality:Time for a new job
Something About E3: Imaginings from 20 Years Ago
The Great Escape: Tiny plastic guitars and wiimotes
My Expertise: Latent Racial Bonus
The Future: Overdoing the Over-the-Top
Love/Hate: A Gentleman's Baffling Love for Collecting Furniture
Nothing is Sacred: Games Taking Themselves Too Seriously

Worth reading:
We Are Destructoid
Writing on the Wall: How Graffiti Builds Universes
Combating Lawlessness in the Wild West of Red Dead Redemption
Being a Coward on Purpose
What Bringing About the Fictional Zombie Apocalypse Taught Me About Game Design
Why Video Game Designers Need to Watch the Road Warrior
The Needless Shit We Gamers Do

Player Profile
Follow me:
AwesomeExMachina's sites
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Following (7)  




[Hey gang! Last week, I challenged some community members to tell us why Destructoid's community is so important to them. Don't let them be the only ones! Tell us how you feel in your own blog. -- Kauza]

I still remember my first blog here because, at the moment of its conception, both it and I were an unfocused, terrific mess. Without any introduction, I wrote some slap-shod attempt-at-humor post about making Red Dawn a video game. It was nonsense. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I did have the free time to do whatever it was. I had hurled myself at the city of Chicago after college with no money or plans and my stint on D-toid began in the throes of a three month unemployment death spiral.

My entire existence was a rusty sedan stalled in the center of an intersection. I knew two people in the entire city, had no employment, and my bank account groaned like an empty stomach. I was perfectly happy, but stagnant. One particular night, after heating up water in my coffee maker to stir into pre-packaged ramen noodles and watch reruns of Quantum Leap, I was struck with a sudden and desperate sensation. I needed to just make something. My English major brain was atrophying and a call-to-action in the form of my first monthly musing was the solution.

I came back to the site a few days later, having forgotten about the article I poured hours into, and found it missing. I was enraged and rather slighted. Had my writing been so bad that an editor felt compelled to purge it from the Internet? I typed the title in the search function and, to my surprise, it appeared. But it wasn’t in my blog roll any longer. The link hurled me instead all the way to the front-page. A year and a few months later, I’ve returned to that hollowed ground twelve times.

My life is together now, more than I’d expected I could get it to be, and though I can’t give all the credit to the Dtoid Community, I can say that it was as much an element as anything else. After a string of months being only a person by technicality, having something I wrote ‘published’ was the shot in the arm everyone needs at some point in their life. Beyond that self-indulgence, simply being welcomed into Xbox Live friends lists and twitter feeds across the internet is just as triumphant of a reward.


In writing this post, I found myself repeatedly deleting statements like that. Everything I was writing kept ending up sounding like a backhanded boast. Even small anecdotes sounded self-congratulatory in a roundabout way. I tried hard to write around it for a moment, to highlight the site and not myself, but I realized something in resisting what came so naturally.

The sheer fact that I can’t talk about the D-toid Community without citing a steady parade of incredible opportunities I’d been given, the continuing recognition for my work, and the never-ending stream of writing support and criticisms I’ve received is a fact that’s telling in itself. You can’t talk about being a member of the C-Blogs without bragging about something. By simply being here, it’s inescapable that you’ll have something to humblebrag about.

Whether it’s winning a Dtoid bobble head simply for writing a haiku or watching 700 gamers silently try and set me on fire with their minds for getting to walk to the front of a line at an industry event, say “Hey, Nick Chester sent me,” and then stroll in to play Marvel vs. Capcom 3 months before it’s release. Perhaps it’s getting strangers messaging you on nearly every form of social media to wish you compliments on a front-page’d article or the near equal-joy of finding a simple comment screencapped in an edition of Commentoid. It could be discovering your posts being discussed at lengths upon aggregator sites and forums or the utter joy of settling in for six hours of making quips and rap lyrics with earnest friends on a weekly Friday Night Fights.



These are my experiences - the triumphs Destructoid has given me - but they could be anybody’s. I’m no one special. I don’t know any secret connections or have any undisclosed tips. I’m just another C-Blogger who started writing simply because I wanted to write. I wrote for myself, for my own sanity, and to see something finished. Just doing so was it’s own reward, but the community decided that was insufficient. Destructoid whisked a year and half’s worth of success and achievement my way simply for being here.

Beyond presents and events, I can honestly say my writing has improved too, an acquisition that will go on long after the site goes down when Skynet comes online. If you climb on board, your writing will do the same. Be it through simple practice or the thoughtful comments of the other members. If you try and try hard, your success will be rewarded with front-pages and faps. Though it may seem like hurling your words into a void at first, stay with it, because the comments will come and the camaraderie with it. As CaptainBus said so succinctly, “… enjoy the process. If you start out and expect to get a wave of comments and faps, you typically end up disappointed.”

The Internet world sees Destructoid as a source of good news and original features with a strong current of personal humor. They’re right, of course, but there is so much more to it. The community is a welcoming place for young writers and advanced wordsmiths to cut their teeth and sharpen them all the same in one unified place, at an equal level. There are those disinterested in writing all together, who post blogs here just to share an opinion and that's just as welcomed. What matters above all is that you want to share something, because this is place where people want to see it.

If you’re reading this and you haven’t posted or haven’t found that reason to keep posting, know that it is something of immense worth. Once you’ve submitted that first blog, provided you haven’t butchered the basic style, you’ll receive a welcoming hello from Elsa followed by a virtual decoder ring courtesy of Occams Electric Toothbrush. Then, as you post further, you’ll have frequent critics and commenters like knutaf, CelicaCrazed, mrandydixon, garethxgod, Steezy XL, and so many others. You'll get a chance to read a constant flow of great blogs, from the likes of Stevil and Wrenchfarm, to name a few. With your name circulating, perhaps LawofThermalDynamics will arrange an interview with you. Maybe one of the Commentoid crew will feature your wit or a C-Blog recapper will feature your work. Even still, there are FNFs to be enjoyed, libraries of backlogs to be read, and things to be mused.

Here, we see success and we see friendship come from nothing more than participation. We play games, as do thousands of others, but here we make stuff just to see it made. We talk about what we do because by doing so we legitimatize and it and improve upon it. We are harsh critics and dedicated creators. We are resolute commenters and fanatical players. We are a community. We are Destructoid.

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Legacy Comments (will be imported soon)


I can't believe you've been promoted 12 times and they still don't have you on the payroll! Somebody needs to fix that ASAP!

As always, thanks for sharing!
yes... just yes. :)
HERE, HAVE ANOTHER EXCLAMATION POINT!
Great blog, AwesomeExMachina.

I don't want to be accused of overshare, but I was considering leaving Destructoid. I have no aversion to writing -- in fact, I'm an avid author -- but I felt as if I was trying to join a closely-knit circle of people which had already been officially sealed to all newcomers. I felt, in short, like an impostor -- like I was trespassing on property I had no right to be trespassing on. This blog post has filled me with a certain quiet optimism. We'll see how it goes from here.

Sorry 'bout the overshare, guy.
@Lord Death of Murder Mountain:

Don't be afraid to overshare. That's definitely not frowned upon around here. At least I don't think so anyway.
@ Lord

You better stay. You're one of very few people who actually is part of the community - You don't post a blog, then leave for a couple of months. I always enjoy reading your comments.
Also, you joined a month after I joined. So yeah, we're both new.
The C Blogs are a wonderful place. I can tell you, without a doubt, that Elsa and Occam are two of the biggest reasons I stuck around and continued writing. Their support immediately made me feel welcome here. Thanks guys!

I don't want to alarm you Ben, but you have a way with words. Any overflow of confidence you experience is completely justified. Here's hoping you get a writing job soon. Great blog!

Also, not to humblebrag, but I totally built that Mr. Destructoid Halo map. It's pretty rad.
YO YOU'RE RAD.
You better go to PAX or something so I can give you a huge hug!

And possibly make outs.
You cool guy mein Indian bruder.

You are a true blacksmith of words, forging blogs fit for kings in your smithing smith of smithy.....ROCK ON!!!
@Lord Death... it sorta seems like you've already been here forever... so that's a pretty good indication of "fitting in" :)
I'm gonna be honest. I sometimes wish I was a better part of this community. :(
I am so pissed there is only one fap button right now!
Great read, the dtoid community has been pretty impressive. Even when they are taking a dig at you, they doing with more intelligence and respect than most of the internet.

That was a compliment! Don't hurt me!
This is a great community. Even a person as lame as I am can find buddies in this place!
Straight up, you got some of the grandest words on the web. And I sort of hate you for it. Don't get me wrong, you're a champ and all and really, lots of love there, but the envy, it courses like a locust plague through my veins because you are too damned good.

Er, yeah. Also, if all these (much deserved) compliments enlarge your head and you find your hats no longer fit, I would, from the benefit of my experience, recommend fashioning a jaunty cap from stretchy sweat pants. In fact, if you're interested, I have tips for a full sweat pant ensemble. Let me know.


This will be front paged.



This should be cannon.



A human moment in the vast digital sea of anonymity.



My transcendant man heart is near bursting. Thank you forever for this.
Mr. Pony, sir, you make my imagination flow when you write. I love it when words have a way of coming to life in my head; especially words as articulate and creative as yours.

Continue your writing, and I will continue on reading. ;)
This was heady stuff! Thank you for condensing the beauty of being a part of Destructoid.
Heart swelling!

I love D-toid. I'm not always the most active member, but rest assured I am always lurking. Lurking like your creepy neighbour who lives in that bungalow down the road and doesn't have any kids but still hangs a tire swing in his tree on the front lawn.

This post resonated with me. I was (still am) doing the post-grad limbo thing and as weird as it may sound, having my first monthly musing promoted meant a lot to me. It was like "hey, other people get me!" and that is not something I get to feel very often. I love to read the C-blogs and absorb the brain drippings from so many awesome people that somehow, against all odds, are tuned to the same cosmic frequency as me.
Awesome post!! FAPPED SO HARD I CHAFED!!
All together now!

You're the best writer (that's not getting paid for it) on the site. Destructoid wouldn't be as interesting without your writing, especially your 'experiments' in playing games in the most painful manner possible. Dtoids a wonderful place to share it.
Yeah...I'm consistently awesome. I'll give you that. But it wouldn't be the same without you as a decent rival and challenging me to think outside the usual box.

I still hate you for meeting Kim Deal though. Never gonna let that go, I'm afraid. ;)
If you're new to the site, that consistently awesome thing was a joke. I still get ridiculously humbled when people tweet my front page blogs!

"Much love, bitchfags! xxx"
I got distracted by existence and when I come back, what do I find? A steady parade of awesome.

@mrandydixon - Haha, I enjoy that statement is beginning to become a meme. But, seriously, let's not forget the real important issue. GIVE YOUR INTERN A RAISE, HAMZA!

@Elsa - I concur, so much. You're a lynchpin of this community! Keep it up!

@Lord Death of Murder Mountain - I think the response below says it all. I have terrible comment discipline myself, and sometimes forget to post things even after I've already composed something in my head to say. But do know that I've read nearly everyone of your posts, fapped when I could, and it's for good reason. You've got chops, my friend. Don't leave us!

@Corduroy Turtle - I concur your statement about feeling welcomed. Even though I'm ashamed of my nonsense introduction to the site, I still quickly felt at home following those two and their benevolence. Thanks for the support, dude. It means a lot from someone with good taste in practically everything.

@Hamza YO YOU RAD TOO, BRO.



@Jesse Cortez - I so completely want to go to PAX Prime. I'm making a strong effort this year to make it happen. I've written up a hug/make-out IOU in advance.

@LawofThermaDynamics - Ja! Wunderbar!

@TonicBH - No time better than right the hell now! If you check out the popular blogs sort, you'll find that there is such a spectrum of blogs that get fapped. Serious analytical stuff, reviews, opinion rants, comedic write-ups, parodies, what's happening in my life blogs. People don't like to read one thing in particular, the like it all as long as it has one thing in common. Whoever wrote but in the time.

I took a short read through your blog roll and I recall your work! It's good! And now that I've called you out on the fact, I WANT MORE.

@manasteel88 - That's the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me.

@The Sama - Haha, that's a true story. We trash with some wit. You should hear what we're like on FNF. In fact, you SHOULD. COME PLAY.

@HandsomeBeast - LAME BRO FIST

@Beyamor - Beyamor, coming from one of the most complimented blogger on this site, that is a major compliment. Seriouly. Upon reading this comment, I nearly high-fived a stranger. It's best I didn't. His palm would have exploded from the enthusiasm.

@Occams - Expect a bountiful USPS package of nonsense and gifts soon, friend.

@SteezyXL - Oh, please. Mr. Pony was my father.

But, man is that something great to hear. I sure like when people like my stuff, but if my self-indulgent ramblings have get your imagination jump-started, well that just feels...



@Wrenchfarm - Wrench! I love your shit. I'm always pumped to see one of your posts find itself on the blog roll. It's akin to the feeling of spotting a new issue of Thunderbolts on the comic shelves on Wednesday's new comic book day and- oh, fuck. TODAY IS WEDNESDAY. /comment ends abruptly

@CelicaCrazed - Your presence is certainly noticed! I love people that just take the time to read and respond, since I can be pretty bad at the second part. You're a vital, vital part of this site.

@garethxxgod - BEST? PSSHAW. But, seriously, thank you. I love those No Clip experiments. They are both a blast and a complete pain-in-the-ass at the same time. I can't wait for the next one to be online.
Yes yes and more yessss!
*slow clap* this has inspired me to write my next project
Everything you said here is super truth, and would continue to be even if you hadn't mentioned me. As a writer, you bring a great deal to the cblogs. You are part of the solution, not the problem. What problem? I dunno. Suckery?
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