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8:03 AM on 02.19.2010

Why Hamza is not a real shark

This was a response I posted to a certain member. I figure this is a great post for my 8th blog.

Excluding what I personally dislike about the Hazma, here is this is my argument for why you should abandon him and go to the aquarium.

Teeth does not just equal better awesome. If it did that would be fine, awesome do not guarantee dick sucking, though it can certainly effect your likelyness to suck his dick (I'll get into that in a bit). If it did we'd still be using Tom Cruise's teeth and a massive dick. Teeth affects awesome, the dick size affects fins. Compare Hazmat's diet to the shark's one. God don't make crippled down fish like Killer Whale Dale North because it can't handle the sea. Its cause it can't handle the teeth, the swimming, other fish, etc. These all directly translate into a less awesome animal.

Dtoid editors is not in the same breed as killer whale and shark.
Hamza is not in the same person as Jaws. Hamza is specifically convincing humans that he is shark. That's what "tomfoolery" refers to! You can't tell me that Hamza's dream seen here:

is the same as his current form. Hamsa isn't trying hard enough to be a shark. So don't tell me he is a shark. If you really consider yourself a "marine biologist" who likes serious plankton (Not just triangle-shaped ones, but ones of all spectrums that offer a rewarding studying experience) you'd realize and abandon it. If for no other reason to make as much of an impact as you can on the betterment of marine biology.

Ham Sandwich is making the field of marine biology worse.
It's not just that the Hamza is doing something different, it's that what he does, is bringing marine biology in other fields down even further worse on sharks and killer whales by making fish concentrate more on wanting to be human now with Ponyo. And worse, by stealing teeth that could be used to eat dolphins rather than spaghetti bolognese. With this shark(No pun intended), you'll see less of the kinds of studies we want to see. You'll see less Basking sharks, Great whites, Six-gills, serious fish the push the boundaries of what can eaten. All because of this assumption that Hamas is working with the same teeth that sharks are. It's not.

Cybernetic Tiger Z
This is less of a thesis negative about these three. While I'm sure its convenient to be able to hit shit with a hammer if you're into that sort of thing, wouldn't it be much more rewarding eat them physically and actually collect them? You really aren't getting them easier with a hammer, and the fact is you won't be able to savor all of the ones you want because of the Hamza's teeny tiny pennis. Tiger fall into the same traps as above compared to TIGER UPPERCUT.

Of course Fins effect Awesome indirectly. A lot of the enjoyment for a shark comes from dorsal fins. Tail, fins, flippers, these are all things that can influence how much dick gets sucked almost subconsciously. Even if you don't like eating dolphins, the other fish can be eaten and digested much more appealing than on the Hazam.

I think this sums it up pretty nicely.   read

12:35 PM on 11.26.2009

Aonuma hints at flight in new Zelda

In a recent interview with the Technology Guardian Eiji Aonuma apologised for the Water Temple in Ocarina of Time. But more importantly, he dropped a hint about the new Wii game... while on the subject of a new Zelda, he said:

"I have an eight-year-old son myself at home, and quite recently he started playing The Phantom Hourglass for DS, because when the software first hit the market he was too young. When he started playing with the boat, I told him: 'In the next Zelda, you are going to be able to ride on the train.' He answered: 'OK, Dad, first boat, and then train? Surely next time, Link is going to fly in the sky.'... I just don't know. If many people make many speculations ... some of them might be correct. Right now, I have to refrain from commenting on anything."

Something like this?

Now at this point, everything is just pure speculation, but what if, much like in Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass, instead of this hypothetical flying machine being another Epona or even a Train, the overworld is actual built around the mode of transport?
I know that Nintendo aren't people to take too many risks, and I know this is probably just throwaway comment, but the fascination with airships I have (thanks to Megaman Legends and Castle in the sky) is secretly hoping that link will be flying some sort of airship. Honestly though, I'm curious to know what you guys think. Even though I will probably never own a Wii, this still makes me a little excited.   read

2:37 PM on 08.28.2009

I Suck at Games: The Allure of the Fighter

There's something I look for in every game I consider buying, and that is a solid and colourful (though not always in the literal sense) cast of characters. The amateur artist in me declares that for a game to look good, it need some cool-looking character design, I've hunted down at least 3 games solely based on that (Megaman Legends, Street Fighter Alpha 3, Wind Waker).
But there is one genre that seems to consistently have the most colourful and diverse of all casts. There is one genre that revels in it's stylish and over-the-top action.

As you've probably guessed, I am talking about the Fighting Game. The only thing is... I suck at fighting games. I realise there's no surprise there, considering the title had the words "I suck at" and "Fighter" in the title, but fighting games aren't just something I play at my friend's house or buy and then trade-in, I actually consider myself to be somewhat a fan of the genre, I would go as far as to say that I love the genre. Alas, the love goes unrequited, it's a one-sided, abusive relationship.

I could go on about how inept I am against Seth using Ken or how Cody can never seem to beat Charlie or how cool-yet-impractical Chipp Zanuff is, but I'm going to talk about just one fighter. Marvel versus Capcom 2.

I never got to play the original MvC2 on PS2 or Dreamcast, and when it was released for XBLA and PSN earlier this year, I wondered why. Ever since I was about seven, I've been a massive fan of the Marvel, and a few years ago I became a massive fan of Capcom. I bought the game through the PSN store a few days after it's release and couldn't wait to play my dream game, featuring every character I love ever. I hastily formed a team of my childhood heroes, Gambit, Psylocke and Megaman, and after a few hours (and easy-mode beatings) later, it dawned on me that I sucked at the game. I ran to the internet, looking at guides, tips, learning the basics of making teams, air combos and wavedashing. I was determined for this to be the game to return my love in full. I spent hours ( for which, read: minutes) in the training arena mastering my "Point", "Battery" and "Assist".

I was ready for Arcade mode again. The game kicked my ass even worse this time. I left it alone for a while. some days later, I spoke casually in IRC with resident fighting nut deBLOO. I explained my plight and that I couldn't combo worth shit. I was told that Light Kick, Light Punch, Heavy Kick, Heavy Punch (the only combo I had managed to master) was actually a decent one. With this newfound confidence I fromed a new team and set to work. Stage 5 still managed to kick my ass. On Easy mode. I just can't seem to get anywhere with this game. Maybe it's because I can't stand the way the "good" characters look, for example, Storm is wearing her awful early 90's costume and Iron Man doesn't look all that much like Iron Man. Once again, my desire for cool character design has got the better of me.

If I was any normal kind of gamer, I'd have sold all my fighting games by now. But I can't do it. They're just so fucking cool! This abusive realtionship doesn't show any sign of stopping soon, one look at the infamous Bang Shishigami of BlazBlue and I'm already saving up my pennies for the European release. But who knows? Maybe I'll actually be good this game?   read

8:51 PM on 08.24.2009

Why I loev Destructoid

I'm the blond one.

You're the bearded one.   read

9:39 AM on 08.14.2009

Whacha-whachow Kumatora and Duster

I've been ploughing through persona 3, I got FFVII on my PSP (had to update my firmware), I found a working Gamecube memory card (meaning Wind Waking shenanigans) and I just put my brand new 16 copy of Bioshock into my PS3.

Oh and this:

I finished my sketchbook this past week and decided to do something special on the last page, and this was it. It compliments the Claus and Lucas I drew on the first page (it's also a testament to how much my art has improved since then).

You know, summer is supposed to be a time devoid of new releases, yet I've had more games on my hands than I can count...   read

8:33 PM on 07.21.2009

I, the Author: My Childhood in Eagleland

[The most obvious choice for a musing like this would clearly be some degree of non-linear game such as Fallout 3 or Oblivion or even Metal Gear Solid 3, but I've decided to give myself a little bit of a challenge.]

Earthbound. A linear JRPG. Not exactly what springs to mind when tasked with a musing about creating one's own story within a game. Yet with such a simple story, this game almost forces you to fill in the gaps.

For me, Earthbound is a game that forces the player to relate to the game world and the people inhabiting it by making it something we've all experienced: growing up. When discussing Earthbound, people will often bring up the "quirky dialogue" as one of the game's strong points, and indeed, it is. The dialogue only helps to re-enforce the game world, making the usually generic NPCs into seemingly real people. And it's because this game world feels so real and because it's something we've all experienced, it is open to our own impressions of our childhoods, that we project onto it. What I see here is not a physical "sand box environment", but a mental one, created by our own experiences and influences that we see reflected in the game. I'll shut up for a moment and give you an example.

I'd like to start with something I personally feel is one of the most moving parts of any game I've played: the treehouse.

I knew a guy like this...

Tucked away at the top of the Onett map, is a treehouse. It takes a little a bit of patience to enter it, as the entrance is blocked by trees, but I feel that it's worthwhile. In the treehouse are three kids who appear to be Ness' friends. To some gamers, the only point of interest may seem to be that you can get the Mr. Baseball hat for free here. But to me? I see my friends. When I was a kid I occasionally hung around with a group of about three other kids, we had various capers and adventures together around school, the neighborhood and the local park and remained friends, even after one of us moved to a different school.

When I went into the treehouse, this was not what I thought of, I just pulled that out as an example of sorts. But the fact remains that I felt I'd known these "kids" in this "treehouse" all my life. maybe it's the dialogue, maybe it's the place itself or maybe it's the sub-conscious memories of the group I used to hang out with, but this is the point in the game where I realised: "Wow, this game is actually making me feel like a kid again". And because I feel like I kid again, maybe I feel more attached to these NPCs, because I feel like they're my friends, and maybe I perceive them as having certain personalities, like the people I knew. In effect, I am creating these characters. You ever watch a John Hughes movie and think, hey I used to be like that/knew a guy like that? Same thing, but the kids are smaller.

But that's just me, and the thing is, there are so many different things like this throughout the game that will apply to different people, for example, the Onett arcade. I barely went to any arcades when I was a growing up, but maybe someone did, and maybe this someone felt like this arcade felt like the Arcade of their Youth? When the game world is made to imitate your childhood, the possibilities are almost endless. Onto my next point, which will hopefully make more sense.

If there's one thing I hate, it's when games have no interaction between characters.

Seriously. This is all she says until the end of the game.

This really annoyed me in Dragon Quest IV, terrific game that it was, especially seeing as how the party talk feature was removed from the English version of the recent DS remake. Earthbound is equally as guilty. Aside from the few lines they say before joining your party, (and at the end of the game) the four main characters of the game never say a word for the whole ride, but for some reason, I wasn't bothered by this. Maybe it was because their sprites looked so cute and whimsical, although I have another theory.

As I was chugging through the Scaraba desert, I noticed something while using Paula and Poo's PSI Freeze skills in tandem to take down enemies faster. Paula would take down enemies in one go, thanks to her more powerful PSI, while Poo would still take around two turns to beat a Great crested Booka. For some reason, I got the feeling that Paula and Poo were getting along. But why? They'd only said about four lines of text and those were directed at Ness, so where did this idea come from? Is it just my imagination leaking out my spinal cord? I think once again, I was subconsciously relating the silent protagonists to people I knew or used to know (although I have no idea who). And it appears I'm not the only one. I know someone who always thought Paula was "really mean" because they felt what little she had said sounded snarky and sarcastic, even Destructoid's own Ashley Davis felt she could relate to Ness through his absent father (much like how Shigesato Itoi, the series' creator, felt he could relate to John Lennon for the same reasons). The characters don't really have much character, so our (or at least my) imaginations do the rest.

My final point is about atmosphere. The game's simple and homely graphics may seem like a setback, but in fact, they are far from it. Earthbound's graphics are often criticized as being "infantile", "messy" and "kiddie", but what some people fail to realise is that this is all intentional, the game's concept art is made up of a few watercolour sketches and a bunch of clay models, it's supposed to look childish, kitschy and simple and to be honest, I far prefer it's modest looks to the likes of Chrono Trigger or Secret of Mana.

Yeah, maybe this isn't the best example...

Now lets take a look at the atmosphere of Summers. Summers is a resort town, supposedly in the game's equivalent of the south of France, it has a beach, a hotel, a museum and a dock... and it's a tourist trap. That's right, the Hotel, the shops, everything is ridiculously overpriced. You'd be better off buying from the sailor who owns a tackle and bait shop down at the docks. And there's another thing that's authentic about summers. The map is seemingly divided in two, on the one side you have the redeveloped tourist resort town, while on the other you have the port town, Toto, with its villas, locals and stray cats all over the place, once again, something about the stairs or maybe the trees rendered in that simple style makes it so I can relate to a seaside resort I visited as a child.
And lest we not forget Summers' music! Earthbound's soundtrack is one of the most diverse I've ever seen in an RPG; even those who hate the game still seem to love the soundtrack. Each location seems to fit perfectly with it's music, from upbeat and cheery Onett to creepy Threed; and Summers is no exception, with it's laid back and sunny vibe, it just serves to make the player feel even more immersed in the game.

What it all comes down to is a game whose 15 year old graphics, outdated even for their time, still creates more of an atmosphere, more of an immersive game world and more believable characters than the full 3D HD offerings of the current generation.
But this article isn't about graphics. It's about how I crafted my own story within a game, and as I've said, the game doesn't let you do that in the literal sense, but it creates such a real world with a very loose narrative, that the story, the places, the characters and even the NPCs are subject to your personal interpretation. You form the world and the story based on what's familiar to you.

I'm going to leave you with something a friend of mine said a while ago. He started off by telling the old familiar story of how the game's creator, Shigesato Itoi, accidentally walked into a cinema, and witnessed what he believed was a rape scene. The experience scarred him as a child and served as the inspiration for the Giygas' (the final boss of Earthbound) dialogue. The thing about earthbound, he said, was that quite frankly, you could easily believe that the whole game is the result of five kids, their imaginations and a little too much sugar. What happened at the end? Did they too stumble into a cinema where something horrific was playing? Whatever. It's up to you.   read

7:37 AM on 07.08.2009

My Birthday and Persona 3

I haven't been able to make many updates lately,as I have become completely addicted to Persona 3.
Thank you, Dtoid community. I'm only on the second block of Tartarus and I'm enjoying it far more than I should be. Tell you what, I'll give you something to make up for it, here, take this:

Also, today commemorates the day I crawled out of the womb! I'll probably hit the town with some friends later to celebrate.
I'm playing Ghostbusters right now, and so far so awesome! The only real criticism I can offer so far is that the camera feels a tiny bit claustraphobic, which is extremely minor.

I'll make some variety of "proper" post at a later date.   read

12:40 PM on 06.29.2009

My jRPG Hangover

I'm feeling tired and worn out, which is weird because it's not like I've going outside all that much.
I suppose it all started last month, when I decided to play the Dragon Quest IV DS remake. I can't really explain it, but from there I went on a rampage through possibly every unfinished jRPG I own. Or at least all the Final Fantasies.
So over the past two months that's:
-Dragon Quest IV DS
-Final Fantasy V Advance (A game so good it makes the Japanese orgasm, apparently)
-Final Fantasy VII (Thanks for the advice on this one, you guys!)
-Final Fantasy IV DS
-Final Fantasy XII

The strangest of all of these is XII. XII is a game I've always kind of hated, but as this jRPG binge progressed, I knew it was inevitable. I fell completely in love with the game, nothing has captured my imagination to such a degree since I saw the Empire Strikes Back for the first time.
I made a ridiculous amount of progress in all these games, but today, I'm completely worn out. I think it's finally come to an end, and my head is filled with pirates and dragons and ninjas and castles and big swords and doors that are actually monsters and Chocobos. I never want to see an ATB gauge again. (although, I am getting a sudden urge to fire up VI now...)

As of yet, Persona 3 remains untouched... but you never know...   read

7:29 AM on 06.16.2009

FF VII on PSN- Do I dare?

I may be a little late on this, but I just noticed Final Fantasy VII in the PSN store for 7.99. Now I can honestly say that I've never played this game before, But I've heard a ton of stuff about it both ways (and quite frankly, its fanbase scares me).

The only thing that really bugged me about this game was the fact that they replaced Yoshitaka Amano (An incredible artist, with gallery shows all over the world and who has worked on classic animes such as Gatchaman, Tekkaman and Time Bokan) with Tetsuya Nomura (Someone who imitates the so-called "anime style", and not very well I might add, and who started a trend of stupid, girly-looking protagonists in games), honestly, only about three of his designs look slightly appealing to me (These being Barret, Tifa and Cid).

But I suppose I really have no idea what I am, or am not, missing. I've heard the soundtrack is quite good, and I mean, it has to have done something to earn such a rabid fanbase, right? (then again, maybe not)

Maybe I'll just wait until I have eight quid that I reeeaally don't need.   read

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