Unless you've been living under a rock, Left 4 Dead just got released on Tuesday. No doubt many of you are mowing down crowd after crowd of Infected as I type.

As we've already seen, Anthony called dibs on "not-Francis" Bill, Jim called dibs on "also not-Francis" Louis, and most recently, Conrad has called dibs on "not-Fran... er, not-Zoey" Francis. I have no clue who's going to get dibs on Zoey, but frankly you all can keep her and the other survivors. Know why?

I have dibs on the Boomer.

Yeah, I said it. So many of you are fighting over four humans. Humans! Go on and delay your death for as long as possible while I take a look at how the other half lives.



He makes obesity fun


Imagine this monstrosity charging down the streets at you. And by charging, I mean waddling. How is that not awesome? And take a look at that gut. Puts ordinary beer bellies to shame.

He'll puke all up on your face


The Boomer's primary attack is to vomit all over a survivor. This temporarily blinds a survivor, which could cause them to panic and waste ammo firing into empty air. Now this is one Infected that enjoys getting his hands dirty.

He runs the goddamn horde


What sets the Boomer apart from the rest of the Infected is that he has the ability to summon entire hordes by puking on a survivor. Kinda like a necromancer, only less emo and more awesome.

If he goes down he's taking you with him


Why else would he be called the Boomer? The Smoker may leave behind some crappy smoke, but the Boomer blows up in chunks, dealing damage to any nearby survivors and possibly covering one in vomit. And we all know what follows. It's one helluva "fuck you" to the humans.

He's not a filthy survivor


PERIOD.

So why dibs?

Well, actually, technically I'm not supposed to be able to call dibs on a randomly chosen character. But I'm gonna do it anyway. 'Cause I said so.

Hey, if it's good enough for Anthony and Jim, then it's good enough for me.