First off is my highest honour -- my shit on the front page of Destructoid.
I was born back in the days of yore, when 3-D graphics were only a dream.
I like games.
Super Nintendo had to be one of the best consoles. Mario, Metroid, Link, Kirby, Donkey Kong and everyone else came to the party. Good times.
I own a Super Nintendo, N64, Gamecube, Wii, PS1, PS2, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, Gameboy Pocket, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, and a DS.
I regret missing some of the good old days, back in the early 90's, because I was too young to appreciate a good game when it smacked me in the face. Such is the folly of youth.
Somedays I wish I could have lived through such tumultuous times, what with the advent of Spandex tights and Rap, but then I think that it is much better to live longer and be younger than all of you people who did enjoy Super Metroid and Mario Kart in it's heyday and just be content with an emulator and a Xbox 360 controller.
Favorite Games: Mario series, Donkey Kong Country/64, Metroid series, Legend of Zelda series, Fable, Halo series, Shadow of the Colossus, GTA series, God of War 1 and 2, Morrowind, Oblivion, Tales of Symphonia, Final Fantasy X, Banjo Kazooie/Tooie and more that I can't recall.
Send me a friends request if you dare, just send a message telling me you're from Destructoid so I don't think you're a 63 year old pedophile masquerading as a teenage girl to lure gullible, young boys to your basement. And if that description both fits you and you are from Destructoid then expect to recieve my home phone number and address.
Update: One year later
New games I would add to my favorites are Gears of Wars series, Fallout 3, Mass Effect, Bioshock (hey, I was playing it when I joined!), and other games I cannot recall. Some games I have loved for a long time but forgot to list over a year ago are Rome: Total War, the top Mario games, and the main Pokemon GB games. The rest escape me at this time.
So these days God no longer compels you to blog, Atlas is Fontaine, and generally speaking I am pretty well known around these parts. (I hope) I regret not joining Destructoid sooner, when I first had the chance with a link from Chad Concelmo's IGN blog. Even he was born in the primordial soup IGN was, or so it would seem. I no longer frequent there or other gaming sites except from time to time because Destructoid is hopefully my internet home from here on out. A great place to be, cheers to another year at Destructoid!
Update: Another year later
Okay, so year three isn't going that great. I haven't blogged for six months and have barely visited the site. In fact, it is nearly November and my 2 years happened almost 2 months ago in early September. Damn life, going outside into the real world is time consuming! I haven't even turned on a videogame since April... (until just recently!) But of course I haven't forgotten about Dtoid; THE GREATEST SITE ON THE WEB! Sorry Dtoid, I will try to live less and Dtoid more.
Update: Another few years later
So life hit me... I still visit this site when I can... to think I started visiting this site when I was 15, and made an account two weeks after I turned 16... I'm 20 now, Destructoid is practically part of my life story at this point, even if I disappear for years at a time. Still, I remember the good old days, the days when Dtoid was like the Wild West, when I was at my most active, and when we would open the gates of Hell in our mischief, always walking on the edge of the banhammer. Now I'm just an ancient, obscure memory to the last surviving cowboys, a group even to this day I feel I'm a part of. Still, I raise my glass to you. Good times Destructoid, good times!
Oh, and to a few of us oldsters, Atlas is Fontaine.
Lots of people in this day and age constantly berate new, superior modern games. They tell us that this new game is trash, that videogames are for the mainstream and have been dumbed down, and that old classic games are better. Well, I am going to systematically show how that opinion is completely and utterly wrong, and state the superiority of modern gaming.
Methods of game control: Here I have an old, disgusting, dildo of a vintage controller.
And here I have a modern controller, molded to fit the chubby hands of todays aggressive youth.
Obviously the modern controller wins, unless you desperately need to be penetrated.
Graphics: The videogame graphics of today are the most stunning feat of technology in the entire history of human civilization. Case in point.
Notice the pixelated objects and low resolution in that picture. You can barely even read the writing on it. Now for something more sophisticated.
This is a picture from Dennis Dyacks' Too Human, an award winning trilogy. The quality is much better, and if you look at the detail on the face you can see the difference in graphical quality between old games and modern games. Case closed!
Gameplay: On most old videogames, you may have noticed you can only go left and right, sometimes even up and down, albeit briefly, when you jump. But with the advent of modern technology, greatness is at the tips of your fingers. 3-D environments completely change the way games are played. No longer do you have to mournfully gaze at a green square, wishing it was a bearded terrorist. Now you can shoot at them with big guns, and dismember him in many entertaining ways! Remember, human dismemberment and murder is fun and morally acceptable when a man is brown and wearing a turban. Videogames teach us that well, training us to kill virtual people. But don't kill virtual children, or everybodies pixels will get in a knot. THAT'S MORALLY WRONG, wait until they resemble the age of 18 to rip their eyes out and set them on fire.
Well, I hope you enjoyed learning why modern games are in every way superior to old games. It's an irrefutable fact, a fact held by everyone with absolutely no opposition. Now go throw out those old, dusty, last-gen consoles and play a real game: Battlefield 3!