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Atlas's Blog

	Consider The Following
	by Atlas on 04.25.2008 14 comments

A large black man approaches you in a dark alley. All you can see are his teeth and the whites of his eyes seemingly floating in the air. He slithers closer to you, lubed up in Vasoline and transmission fluid.

Do you --

A) Tell him would you kindly leave

B) Invite him over to your house for some Super Smash Bros

C) Whisper dirty secrets into his ear (Atlas is Fontaine)

D) All of the above

If you chose any of the above answers, Grand Theft Auto has corrupted you. You are a desensitized degenerate of society, and you need strict censorship to reclaim your soul. You cannot take care of yourself as you slip into a mindless rage filled with 18 hour World of Warcraft grinding sessions and microwavable dinners. A job, you ask? A job is not needed as long as you never leave your mothers basement. The sun will do terrible things to a gamer, after all.

So if I just described you, you are a gamer. If I didn't describe you, you are in denial.

You need help

And you can get it here

There are 14 comments about this post:

NotAZombie says:
(# 0) on 04/25/2008 09:46

"Consider The Following" that Atlas is Fontaine?

MaxVest says:
(# 1) on 04/25/2008 09:53

Large black men don't scare me. Large Asian men, though, are terrifying. I'm looking in your direction, E. Honda.

Char Aznable says:
(# 2) on 04/25/2008 09:59

Damn, 43 1-star reviews of the book and tags associated like "tubgirl" and "zombie sex." FEAR THE INTERNET!

DynamicSheep says:
(# 3) on 04/25/2008 10:00

Atlas is Fontaine?? WOW! I just got the memo!

blehman says:
(# 4) on 04/25/2008 10:05

Uh-oh....in before:

RAPEGAME says:
(# 5) on 04/25/2008 10:07

Large asian men aren't as scary as jacket wearing motorbike riding asians, possibly with uzis

BlackSheep says:
(# 6) on 04/25/2008 10:14

i'd burn the mother fucker and have fried chicken.

he's already covered in flammable shit.

i'd also go to the forums :)

glipe says:
(# 7) on 04/25/2008 10:23

My instinctive reaction was "that man needs a doctor, right now". But I'm a gamer, I probably would have attacked him with my DS stylus and drawn pentagrams on him to give myself more time for the operation. =/

Danmartigan says:
(# 8) on 04/25/2008 10:42

BlackSheep is definitely not Fontaine.

dronkmunk says:
(# 9) on 04/25/2008 11:10

..And this is why I *quit*

MechaMonkey says:
(# 10) on 04/25/2008 11:29

Any man lubed up in transmission fluid will most likely give me pause, regardless of race.

king3vbo says:
(# 11) on 04/25/2008 11:32

Black Sheep is Ryan

Clockwork says:
(# 12) on 04/25/2008 16:03

I'm so confused so...

Atlas is Fontaine.

Mxyzptlk says:
(# 13) on 04/26/2008 04:44

Strangely enough, you pretty much described my last Saturday night.

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I was born back in the days of yore, when 3-D graphics were only a dream.

I like games.

Super Nintendo had to be one of the best consoles. Mario, Metroid, Link, Kirby, Donkey Kong and everyone else came to the party. Good times.

I own a Super Nintendo, N64, Gamecube, PS1, PS2, Xbox, Xbox 360, Gameboy Pocket, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, and a DS.

I regret missing some of the good old days, back in the early 90's, because I was too young to appreciate a good game when it smacked me in the face. Such is the folly of youth.

Somedays I wish I could have lived through such tumultuous times, what with the advent of Spandex tights and Rap, but then I think that it is much better to live longer and be younger than all of you people who did enjoy Super Metroid and Mario Kart in it's heyday and just be content with an emulator and a Xbox 360 controller.

Favorite Games: Mario series, Donkey Kong Country/64, Metroid series, Legend of Zelda series, Fable, Halo series, Shadow of the Colossus, GTA series, God of War 1 and 2, Morrowind, Oblivion, Tales of Symphonia, Final Fantasy X, Banjo Kazooie/Tooie and more that I can't recall.

Send me a friends request if you dare, just send a message telling me you're from Destructoid so I don't think you're a 63 year old pedophile masquerading as a teenage girl to lure gullible, young boys to your basement. And if that description fits you and you are from Destructoid then don't expect to recieve a reply.