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About Me

First off is my highest honour -- my shit on the front page of Destructoid.


I was born back in the days of yore, when 3-D graphics were only a dream.

I like games.

Super Nintendo had to be one of the best consoles. Mario, Metroid, Link, Kirby, Donkey Kong and everyone else came to the party. Good times.

I own a Super Nintendo, N64, Gamecube, Wii, PS1, PS2, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, Gameboy Pocket, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, and a DS.

I regret missing some of the good old days, back in the early 90's, because I was too young to appreciate a good game when it smacked me in the face. Such is the folly of youth.

Somedays I wish I could have lived through such tumultuous times, what with the advent of Spandex tights and Rap, but then I think that it is much better to live longer and be younger than all of you people who did enjoy Super Metroid and Mario Kart in it's heyday and just be content with an emulator and a Xbox 360 controller.


Favorite Games: Mario series, Donkey Kong Country/64, Metroid series, Legend of Zelda series, Fable, Halo series, Shadow of the Colossus, GTA series, God of War 1 and 2, Morrowind, Oblivion, Tales of Symphonia, Final Fantasy X, Banjo Kazooie/Tooie and more that I can't recall.


Send me a friends request if you dare, just send a message telling me you're from Destructoid so I don't think you're a 63 year old pedophile masquerading as a teenage girl to lure gullible, young boys to your basement. And if that description both fits you and you are from Destructoid then expect to recieve my home phone number and address.

Update: One year later

New games I would add to my favorites are Gears of Wars series, Fallout 3, Mass Effect, Bioshock (hey, I was playing it when I joined!), and other games I cannot recall. Some games I have loved for a long time but forgot to list over a year ago are Rome: Total War, the top Mario games, and the main Pokemon GB games. The rest escape me at this time.



So these days God no longer compels you to blog, Atlas is Fontaine, and generally speaking I am pretty well known around these parts. (I hope) I regret not joining Destructoid sooner, when I first had the chance with a link from Chad Concelmo's IGN blog. Even he was born in the primordial soup IGN was, or so it would seem. I no longer frequent there or other gaming sites except from time to time because Destructoid is hopefully my internet home from here on out. A great place to be, cheers to another year at Destructoid!

Update: Another year later

Okay, so year three isn't going that great. I haven't blogged for six months and have barely visited the site. In fact, it is nearly November and my 2 years happened almost 2 months ago in early September. Damn life, going outside into the real world is time consuming! I haven't even turned on a videogame since April... (until just recently!) But of course I haven't forgotten about Dtoid; THE GREATEST SITE ON THE WEB! Sorry Dtoid, I will try to live less and Dtoid more.

Update: Another few years later

So life hit me... I still visit this site when I can... to think I started visiting this site when I was 15, and made an account two weeks after I turned 16... I'm 20 now, Destructoid is practically part of my life story at this point, even if I disappear for years at a time. Still, I remember the good old days, the days when Dtoid was like the Wild West, when I was at my most active, and when we would open the gates of Hell in our mischief, always walking on the edge of the banhammer. Now I'm just an ancient, obscure memory to the last surviving cowboys, a group even to this day I feel I'm a part of. Still, I raise my glass to you. Good times Destructoid, good times!

Oh, and to a few of us oldsters, Atlas is Fontaine.

Gamer Profile

3DS friend code:
Steam:
Battle:
PSN:
Mii: lordkalgan@hotmail.com
Gamertag: T0M HANKZ

Following (40)

*Insert Clever Wii Pun Here Atlas | 2:10 AM on 11.24.2007 9 comments

I noticed that finally, after what seems an eternity, people aren't still saying things like "Wii have a problem" when Shigeru Miyomoto is constipated or "I play with my Wii until both my arms are sore". I suppose the Wii jokes grew stale, and we moved on to bigger and brighter things like red giant stars and my massive Wii (OH NO I DIDN'T!). In order to properly bury terrible Wii puns, we must dig them up. And then bury them again. Twice. On a cloudless night. So without much further ado, I give you some Wii jokes and invite you to post as many Wii jokes in my comments until you burn out and commit suicide. It'll make your E-penis grow! "I'm going to go play with my Wii" - unintelligent fifth grader Raucous laughter "I'm going to go play with my Wii" - pre-pubescent sixth grader Raucous laughter "I'm going to go play with my Wii" - the cool kid in grade 6 who smokes Raucous laughter "I'm going to go play with my Wii" - the midget who only wants to fit in Raucous laughter "I'm going to go play with my Wii" - the kid who doesn't understand the joke but laughs because everyone else is laughing Raucous laughter "I'm goi----" - the kid who always gets interrupted Shut the fuck up and act frightened, and you better like it! - child afficiendo Ron Workman, well known for his work with NAMBLA in the male+under-12 group.