San Andreas had some pretty amazing cheats, you gotta admit. Slowing down time? Flying cars? Everyone has a rocket launcher? All of the above combined? This madness was commonplace in San Andreas, and it definitely expanded the games longevity tenfold for me. Nothing was more fun than flying a quad through skyscrapers with your numerous girlfriends only to crash into a tower. They fell and died. You had a parachute.
These moments are gone from the new Grand Theft Auto. In many ways Rockstar took a step back and destroyed what made San Andreas great -- planes, parachutes, and countless awesome cheats.
Am I the only one who misses them?
Now, I am not saying Grand Theft Auto 4 isn't a worthy successor, but look at how many cheats there are. Spawn a fast car. Check. Spawn a boat, a helicopter when you've got the room. Check. Weapons? Health? Armor? Check Check Check. Where though, I ask, did all the fun cheats go? I want all the cab drivers to have rocket launchers. I want every hooker shooting and stealing random things. How come the cars stay firmly planted on the ground?
I just miss some of the best parts of the Grand Theft Auto of yesteryear. In many ways cheats were the best part of the series. Is it too much to ask for murderous pedestrians?
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A large black man approaches you in a dark alley. All you can see are his teeth and the whites of his eyes seemingly floating in the air. He slithers closer to you, lubed up in Vasoline and transmission fluid.
Do you --
A) Tell him would you kindly leave
B) Invite him over to your house for some Super Smash Bros
C) Whisper dirty secrets into his ear (Atlas is Fontaine)
D) All of the above
If you chose any of the above answers, Grand Theft Auto has corrupted you. You are a desensitized degenerate of society, and you need strict censorship to reclaim your soul. You cannot take care of yourself as you slip into a mindless rage filled with 18 hour World of Warcraft grinding sessions and microwavable dinners. A job, you ask? A job is not needed as long as you never leave your mothers basement. The sun will do terrible things to a gamer, after all.
So if I just described you, you are a gamer. If I didn't describe you, you are in denial.
You need help
And you can get it here
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Aristotle once said "Atla... I mean Fontaine, you cannot win a contest that you do not enter". Wise words indeed old man, wise words indeed.
Yes, hopelessness destroyed my motivation to enter the "turning point free computer on a stick challenge". Mr. Destructoid had to pimp himself out to a crappy game and have it plastered all over the site to afford that computer, you know!!!
And now I have to go on to another subject. I would like to tell you all how I am the biggest Destructoid fanboy which is why I should win a trip to Cancun. I tattooed a picture of Electro Lemon on my ass and I wear robot heads in public and I....
Wait, I was too lazy to enter that contest too...
In summation, does anyone have this chronic sickness in which they just don't enter contests? I entered a Sam and Max contest now to break the endless cycle of drugs and depression, but what are you doing about it?
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I never really enjoyed Saints Row that much. It was boring. It lacked something that GTA had, and still has. In all seriousness, Saints Row 2 will never be able to hold a candle to Grand Theft Auto 4.
While I haven't played GTA in a long time ( hundreds of hours and you simply burn out) I am extremely excited for this sequel. I hope it isn't too similar to the previous installments of the series (it will be though) and I hope it isn't a radical departure either.
And... eh..... I don't really have anything more to say. I just haven't posted a blog in two weeks.... so you know.... I haven't died or anything.... just playing Guitar Hero...
..................................................................................................
So anyways, what do YOU think about this new fangled Saints Row? Think it will stack up after Grand Theft Auto 4 is out? When Saint's Row 2 releases, I will be predicting too little, too late.
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After reading JIHAD blog earlier.. I decided us radical muslim terrorists need to stand up for ourselfs. Too long I've been pretending to be an infidel, just because I didn't wanna be told to 'get back to the kitchen and play burn the stars and stripes I'm a muslim damn it! just because I have a small, penis bundled with explosives doesn't mean that I can't beat America's Army on intense mode or I can't whore the spartan lazer in Gaza Strip.. This is why I don't speak in FNFs, because every time I go online I get hurled abuse, I just wanna be treated like everyone else, do my turbans give off some kind homing beacon for assholes? I just wanna get out there and show you guys what I can do, because I'll easily kick your ass with peach and rip off your penis while I'm doing it.
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So, I found the picture of Atlas! I was looking for it a loooong time ago, back when I joined, but decided to make a mugshot of Shigeru Miyamoto instead and use that, until now! Bask in the true glory of Atlas, who is most definitely not Frank Fontaine.
So is it too different? Do you all know me by my avatar, or my infamous name?
To extend my article and avoid potential discomfort, let us talk about long cat. I would like you all to know posting long cat in my blog is perfectly acceptable by me, and in fact I encourage you to post it here and rebel against the machine!
So go ahead and post long cat. If I don't have a problem with it, I say it is fair game, though I am sure "The Man" will think otherwise.
Good bye and good luck.
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Destructoid cannot be trusted. The reviews are obviously bought by evil mega-corporations looking for an unfair advantage in the marketplace. I think Condemned 2's score of 3/10 proves that, most obviously.
In a world of lies who can you trust to give you the most truthfully honest down-to-earth unbiased reviews? Gamespot. In a partnership with Fox News they have shown us the truth and nothing but the truth. I love Fox. Fox is all. Fox is the almighty Go..... NIERO HAS A SMALL PENIS!
FUCK YOU SINGER-SONGWRITER WILLY NELSON! FUCK YOU!
On an unrelated note, Hamza please email me back with my damned interview before I explode in a cacophony of... HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIERO THE HERO!
Proceed to comment.
PS: This message will explode in four seconds.
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I have decided to parade my art around, in order to get into these Destructoid art showcases every Friday. I am confident in my MS Paint ability and can draw a mean battle scene. I drew all of these my, you can be assured. Enjoy.
Probably considered a post-contemporary piece, I believe this interprets the carnal instinct and emotionally driven music contributing to the modern man.
The shark and the dolphin. In ancient legend it was once said that the creatures of the sea represent post-nuclear age sea warfare, and as the eleventh commandment of The Bible™ once read, I may remind you, THOU SHALT KILL!
That is all. Bask in the simple glory of art. Atlas art. The attack of art, of Atlas.
Art Attack Atlas
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Hentai games have long attracted a fantastic and varied crowd of people, from horny preteens to lonely old men looking for a picture of something that vaguely resembles a six year old girl. What else could bring sexual deviants together like hentai and the internet?
The most popular hentai is a point and click adventure. These often have vast galleries of cartoon women with cat tails and ears and brandishing mithril swords. Oftentimes these "furries" look like young girls, and sometimes even have a penis.. or two.
The people who play them often have pale skin and exhibit vampire-like tendencies of kidnap and rape. I often suspect Destructoid is home to a few. Don't solicitate your address on the internet is what my teacher always said. He was later jailed for sex with a minor.
So if you ever so desire, gather your friends and foes alike and visit a local hentai convention. Because remember, Chad Concelmo will be waiting, and he will be watching.
Dolphin hentai will never quite be the same.
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When I think of Halo 3, I thank myself for seeing through the hype and not splurging on a plastic helmet and a couple of dinky frills in the "100$ more crap" edition of Halo 3. Alas, I cannot say the same for my fellow gamers.
Many haven't booted up Halo since October. Call of Duty 4 is getting more action than Halo. And ultimately, we come to the horrible realization that gamers bought twenty cents of plastic for one hundred dollars. No, it will never raise in value. Ever.
I really think the hype was overwhelming for that game (ya think?). I mean, everyone wanted to play Halo 3 so bad, and then it was just sort of... meh. I mean, it was an excellent game, and the people who endlessly bash it are trolls, but it failed to impress me in the ways Oblivion and Gears of War did.
So, in retrospect, do you really think it was personally worth it? Do you still sleep next to Master Chiefs helmet? Or do you, along with many, regret wasting all that money on a one minute novelty?
(PS: Bought Guitar Hero 3, pretty cool game. Also, I trust Destructoid, very, very, very much. Niero never threatened me with death. Nope, not at all!)
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