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Ashcrexl avatar 12:38 AM on 06.12.2011  (server time)
The ABC's of Death

Yeah, I know this isnt exactly an original idea, but whatever, I wanted to do my own and I felt like i should write finally get around to writing something, so here it is.

On a possibly unrelated note, I may actually have no idea what a blog is for.


A is for Avery who Asphyxiated when the dank underground cell in which he was locked in for crimes he did not commit filled up with purple-tinted chlorine gas.
B is for Brent who was Broken into a million shining pieces when she ran into the path of a rampaging ice wizard.
C is for Cissnei who Called out for help, but remained unheeded as she slowly starved at the bottom of a deep wide hole dug by hunters to trap the man-sized tarantulas they were after.
D is for Desmond who Drove straight off a cliff while he was distracted by a passing UFO shaped exactly like an apricot.
E is for Esme who Entered straight into the gates of Hell which she mistook for a rather elaborately themed amusement park.
F is for Fran who Forgot to breathe for 10 minutes and died due to a lack of adequate oxygen supplied to her brain.
G is for Gregor who was Given a choice between his life or his wallet by an unscrupulous man in a trench coat and made what would be considered by most people to be the wrong decision.
H is for Harvey who Hated everything so much that eventually his mind consumed itself in a violent act of internal aggression and he fell into an endless red void for eternity.
I is for Iris who was Impaled upon a sharpened stick that her brother had been crafting for history class. Oddly enough, he is always silent when questioned about this “accident.”
J is for Josiah who Jumped so hard, he landed right in the basket of a passing hot-air balloon piloted by an escaped serial killer convict.
K is for Keira who Killed herself and there is nothing more to say about that.
L is for Leon who became Lost in a clump of trees that quickly became a forest, then began morphing into an infinity of trees in every conceivable direction, and no one was there to hear him scream, so can it really be said that he ever made a sound?
M is more Mick who Met his match when his boxing opponent punched his head clean off his shoulders, yet still won the match as the rest of his body remained resolutely standing in the center of the ring until all who knew him had long vanished into dust.
N is for Nessie who is Nothing and always has been Nothing and always will be Nothing.
O is for Olivia who Opened an old decrepit wooden box in her attic and found the one thing she had desired most her entire life and was immediately crushed by an old rotten beam that had been feasted on for years by industrious termites.
P is for Prince who was Pushed a little bit too hard one day and decided to push back even harder, which is not a wise decision when your bully is currently driving a Hummer.
Q is for Quentin who Questioned everything in his desire to find the truth to life and existence, and one day, he found it.
R is for Randy who miraculously Remained alive despite falling from a 3-story building, but was Rent apart when his high-tech hospital bed malfunctioned in such an odd way all the engineers remained confused to this day.
S is for Saul who was Shot 5 times, twice in both knees, once half a centimeter to the left of his heart, once through his right ear lobe, and once through his only good eye. The autopsy claims he died a few minutes before the first bullet entered his body, though from what, they cannot say.
T is for Tucker who Tried so hard to be the best he could be and eventually, he succeeded, making countless powerful enemies along the way who weren’t satisfied with being second best. Perhaps if he had been in a line of business besides organized crime, he might have made an outstanding and inspiring role model to us all.
U is for Ursula who was Unused to the climate in the area that she moved to, eventually contracting a terminal illness, causing her parents to regret ever deciding the bottom of the Mariana Trench would be most beneficial to her education.
V is for Vanessa who Voted for who she thought would be the best leader for her country, unaware that there has always only been one option and that the opposing candidate was merely being used as bait to weed out those who still have free thought.
W is for Wally who Wished upon a star, which did not heed his very reasonable request to not be crushed by a falling star that night.
X is for Xavier who suffered from Xerosis so extreme, the High Priest saved a fortune when burying him beneath his pyramid.
Y is for Ysabel who was Yeast and baked into bread. Some fates are stranger than others, but then sometimes sentient beings come in the most unexpected forms.
Finally, Z is for Z who was Z when Z and ZZ Z zZZzzzZZZzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. And that is worst way that anyone can go.

Now I know my ABC’s, next time won’t you sing with me?

Sorry this was so dark guys. Maybe my next blog I’ll write about happy puppy/kitten hybrids eating custard pie or something.

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