You know what, Destructoid? I haven't written anything in awhile because I've got nothing to say, so I'm going to continue sharing old stuff I wrote long ago. it's somewhat decently written i guess and it might be worth a read. so here is more crap from my gametrailers blog (part 2 of maybe 3).
some context first. stuttering craig (Craig Skistimas) is from a website called screwattack and he does a series of videos along with the rest of the screwattack staff called video game vault. it's a quick retrospective of a couple of oldschool games the crew has played through. a lot of months ago, craig stirred up a shitstorm. here is a blog i wrote about it.
also, is dtoid chat down for anyone else? it is for me. never mind. on with it.
so, apparently craig managed to piss off a whole mess of people sometime over a week ago (yes, i realize my blog is not exactly current events) with his Asterix and Obelix Video Game Vault video. the main complaint i seem to have gathered from the comments is that craig understands nothing about these two uber popular characters, yet felt the need to provide colorful commentary on their adventures and sexual orientation. now to me, this seemed like pretty standard stuff from the screwattack crew: off color, cringe-worthy, yet still funny humor. however, i wouldnt have thought of a topic for a blog post if that's all there was to it.
now, as for me, i actually have heard of asterix and obelix before. unbeknownst to many, i took one semester of French waaaayy back in 7th grade. on one out of the roughly 915,678 days in a middle school year (or so it seemed at the time, each successive year more interminable than the last), asterix and obelix were mentioned. we even got to watch a short clip of them doing something presumably rather heroic in their cartoon show. back to the present, i see this new vault video, and i'm like ok. that's pretty cool. i see the rating. man, i'm thinking, craig must have really done something stupid this time. he probably replaced the video with a short film depicting a jar of mayonnaise being neglected or something. but nope, just his usual thing. i left a comment to the effect that everyone was getting all worked up over nothing and i got cut down too.
now i'm thinking: who are these guys? in the vague recesses of my memory, i remember, these are two warriors from gaul. asterix is the brave one, the straight man. obelix is the muscled one, the comic relief. they were popular in france back in the 70s and 80s or something like that. so what's the deal? if someone starting cracking jokes about mickey mouse, no one would bat an eye.
i was doing some yardwork the other day. i was getting pretty tired (which usually happens after about 10 minutes of work) so i laid down on my back lawn. i looked up at the clear blue sky and saw the tops of some very thin and tall trees growing behind the lawn. the wind was blowing a nice pleasant breeze, being one the most comfortable times of the year right around now between the chills of winter and the humid fuckery of spring. the trees swayed a bit. and i was happy with life for at least a little bit. i noticed that the trees thinned out a bit towards the left, towards the small road, probably a side effect of prolonged construction. and i started remembering my childhood. i grew up in the 90s, with the animated batman series, all dogs go to heaven, animaniacs (on kids wb), digimon (on fox kids), hotwheels, and the good ol' innsixxteefore/peiesswunn combo. nowadays, you pretty much have to have cable to get any decent children's programming and everything, including video games, feels so cold and sterile. i'm not knocking the quality of entertainment these days, just the feel i get. everything soft and warm, like your pillow at night, starts to fade as the encroaching modern age coupled with growing up destroys everything you held dear. those trees that were so relaxing to watch faded too, like the tattered end of an old tapestry, my life and my childhood. all that's left is nostalgia. forget what the prince says, time is definitely just a river, the past never to return. and it hurts. it hurts so goddam much. my heart feels like it could turn inside out with the pain.
so, back to the present again. nostalgia isnt just a telescope for looking at the past. the lens in the tube are all messed up, distorting the view of the past. things that we thought were awesome back then, arent as good on repeat viewings today. you know, i actually thought the pokemon movie, the ones with the clones was pretty damn epic and touching and brilliantly plotted, and oh god. i need to invent a chrono glove so i can punch my past self in the gut and stand by watching coldly as he writhes among his k'nex. but maybe i dont want to. maybe its good to have something to look fondly upon as i become increasingly tired each year i fail to die, each successive year more interminable than the last. i have been tired. incomprehensibly tired for over 4 years. was there a time when i actually looked forward to waking up to each day, filled with infinite possibilities? a time when two goofy warriors from a now defunct land were the best thing in your life, providing hour and hours of entertainment? and if someone made any move, no matter how innocently or how minuscule, to take that away, leaving you with the cold empty shell that is the modern age, would you leave angry comments on the internet in retaliation? i dont know. maybe. arguing over the internet is still pretty fruitless and stupid though. cut it out.