So, the Oscars happened. February 27th 2011 (yes I realize my blog not current events, and it wasn't even when this blog was originally posted), 83rd annual show, continuing even through major world wars. I personally love watching the Oscars, far more than the super bowl, because I love movies (and hate football). here is my personal rundown of everything I think worth mentioning in a rough sort of order, which may prove interesting (but probably not) even if you watched the show yourself. It will be 100% subjective, ignorant, mostly devoid of facts, and rambling. Enjoy!
(note: my capitalization and such is terrible and inconsistent, as it often is when i don't even try. sorry if this bothers you.)
Opening skit: Pretty traditional stuff here. the hosts, anne Hathaway and some guy, whose name I will google later but cant be bothered to recall right now, insert themselves into nominated 2010 movies. Inception is the framework and they enter a skit within a skit within a skit. Nothing too funny, but I just want to note that I find 1930's microphones absolutely awesome.
Best whatever the first award was, it wasn't very important anyway: wow, great start to the acceptance speeches. This was almost painfully awkward. I feel for these guys though, public speaking isn't my strong suit either, but, geez. Ouch. oh well. moving on.
kirk douglas: Oh cool, it's kirk douglas presenting best supporting actress! he's a bit hard to understand since his stroke but that's overwhelmed by pure charisma. Good stuff. and his presentation was pretty damn hilarious too!
best supporting actress: followed immediately by melissa leo saying "fucking" on almost-live national tv (or did she say "sexy and"? Maybe the censors hate women calling other women sexy? i'm going with that). everyone's heard about this who hangs around news sites at all. i personally lol'd a bit. and what the heck is hailee steinfeld doing here? she was definitely the main protagonist. oh well. i guess sometimes the awesomeness of jeff bridges tends to blind those whose vision is already beginning to fail. also of note: helena bonham carter! yeah! didnt win, but it's nice to see her more often.
the stage: it looks fairly cool. circular design seems to be the key this year. nice ciruclar shape with great chromey circular circles above. it looks great when used for alternate presentation purposes, such as the "in memoriam" segment in which formerly alive actors and actresses appeared to tug on everyone's heartstrings. sad.
best visual stuff: includes cinematography, costumes, make-up, etc. alice in wonderland, despite its supposed weaknesses in storytelling (I haven't seen this film yet) looks absolutely stunning and deserves all of these. Inception (which I did see) also looked very nice, though in a very different way. You know, for a movie about dreams, inception wasn't very artistically surreal, like alice was. It was more taking very real things and manipulating them in unexpected ways, which I guess is a kind of surreality. But again, not like alice. Let's hope the upcoming alice game isn't just brilliant design without much substance. And wolfman, actually winning an Oscar? Classic.
Sound mixing/sound editing: inception dominated here. I could never remember the difference between these categories. Too lazy to look them up now. Something about making existing sounds more impressive and creating sounds that do not exist. hey, that sounds pretty good actually. is that actually correct? i honestly do not know. Whatever. Don't care. Moving on.
That guy: he's james franco, from 127 hours. okay.
Helen Mirren: nothing much to say about her. Her award-presenting joke with tommy wiseau (I know, I know) was pretty amusing, but mostly, I just mentioned her cuz i like Helen mirren. Moving on.
Another pained speech: i honestly dont remember for what. was it costume design? well, the woman (presumably colleen atwood?) read the entire speech off a scrap of paper, glancing up at the audience only when thanking her family and friends. the audience was probably being too naked for her to look at.
Best documentary: haven't seen any of these. i want to know more about banksy, so i'll watch that one eventually. he's got style, that man (or woman). In fact, the only 2010 documentary I saw was Waiting for Superman, which wasn't even nominated. That's cool I guess, academy. Whatever. Neglect mentioning our children's educations, it's not like you'll be alive much longer to see the dire consequences anyway.
Commercial break! This blog will be back right after these messages!:
Is it just me, or do the ads seem a bit more arty during the oscars? there was that one ad with the colorful moving pastiches inside silhouettes of people switching from scene to scene. there was that other ad where the entire thing is an elaborate stage performance with one actor and one actress switching roles constantly on the fly as the scenery behind them rapidly shifts. there was one (t-mobile?) commercial in which an entire city is covered in rampant orange flowers. but most of all, there were a hella lotta mitsubishi hybrid car commercials. anyone here watch South Park? hybrid car ads? during the oscars? their marketing sure knows their target market. pretentious guys who make a big show of being heavily interested in cinema. who probably then write about the awards show in a blog. assholes.
that guy, james franco, whatever: seriously, what is with this guy? he is not only boring as hell, but actually looks like he is in fact bored himself. in front an enormous audience of hollywood's best stars and on national teevee? seriously, what is his deal? anne hathaway's cool though. it took me a while to notice her dresses kept changing.
best original song presentations: one of my favorite parts of the oscars is always everyone performing the nominated songs. some pretty good stuff this year. except that randy newman song he did for toy story 3. that song is horrifically generic and there's no way it will win. i personally loved "if i rise." oh yeah, remember that one year where a troupe was doing shadow impressions? a group of people use their own bodies to simulate scenes and events. that was really cool.
best original song: what the fuck? that randy newman song won? FUCK THAT. i know what i said in my intro paragraph, but i am convinced that it is an OBJECTIVE FACT that that song was terrible. awful. no redeeming value. not even catchy, which makes it even worse than lady gaga songs. what the hell academy? just because it was in one of the greatest animated films of the past decade or so does not mean it was any good at all! ok. i'm good. moving on.
justin timberlake!: yeah! justin timberlake! singer, dancer, and absolutely mesmerizing actor. justin timberlake! paired with mila kunis makes the oscar stage a hot steaming arena of hotness. coupled with the fantastic lord of the rings background that the stage turned into, TOO MUCH. but still hot.
best animated feature: what's this? pixar won? what the hell? how could this happen? i'm shocked. just shocked. shocked? pixar? seriously? with one of the most emotionally punishing animated films since spirited away? what? winning best animated feature? huh? zwuh? so confused. confused? con...fused? OMG! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOOOODD!! they're eating her! and n
best supporting actor: christian bale. along with melissa leo, won "the fighter" two acting awards. has this happened before? i dont know, but that's pretty rad. justin timberlake was also excellent, but wasnt nominated. cant think of a joke for that. moving on.
best adapted screenplay: ha. sorkin looks like such a writer. i bet he hangs around starbucks, typin shit up on his iPad.
best score: oh hell yeah! i love movie scores! really, really good stuff this year. it's anyone's game for this. i love hans zimmer's epic and bombastic score the best out of all these, but the king's speech's more classical sounding score was great too. in the end, trent reznor's unease-inducing, electronic score won out. that's perfectly fine, as it really does what a score should do, complement the plot while enhancing the emotions of each individual scene. and "in motion" really is one of the best movie songs of the year. well, that's it for this, other than to say: "The pigs have won tonight. Now they can all sleep soundly. And everything is all right."
anne hathaway: in a tuxedo. that was actually pretty hot interestingly enough. great singing voice too, which was unexpected. then... god, that other guy... gah, in drag... pfffffffffft.... Stupid Sexy Franco. if it was timberlake, i wouldnt have minded as much. at all. i might've enjoyed it. er, never mind. i could probably make an interesting point here about the inherent unequalness of women in modern American society's perceptions, pointing out my (and the audience's) wildly different gut reactions to the gender-reversed clothing choices of our two hosts as evidence, but, eh. some other time. moving on.
best actor: colin firth was brilliant. he deserved this oscar. it's not easy playing royalty, especially one with such a debilitation, but you actually believe he might be long-lost 3rd cousin or something to england's current elizabeth II after finishing this film. apparently she loved it too. that's major props there. what, franco, did you think you would win? ha, dont make me laugh. actually, i haven't seen your film yet, so i dont know if you were any good or not, but based on you performance in the role of "an interesting and engaging host," i'd say you aint got the acting chops, son. also, i really liked jesse eisenberg as zuckerberg, but colin winning is ok with me. no one likes a smart ass, apparently, even a fictional (semi-fictional) smart ass.
best director: this was added in an edit. if you read this blog post already, don't worry. you're not going insane. words are not appearing where there once was emptiness. except that idon'treallyexist ooooooooOOooOOO. anyway, sorry, forgot to mention, why the hell didn't david fincher win? i realzie that the academy Looooves king's speech, but come on, you have to admit the skill required to make a movie that is 97% dialogue and dudes staring at screens immersive as hell is not undeserving of an award. and chris nolan wasn't even nominated. i hope you enjoy that trophy hooper. it's built from the hopes and dreams of more talented men.
true grit: okay, before we get to best picture, i have a question for hollywood. hollywood, why do you keep riding off the gaming industries successes? here, let me tell you what i'm talking, as if you needed it, you clever bastards. 2007: 300 came out, a movie about Spartans killing stuff. also 2007: god of war II came out, a game about a spartan killing stuff. coincidence? maybe. okay, i'll give you that. but wait! 2009: avatar came out, a movie about earth's military killing aliens. 2009: halo ODST came out, a game about earth's military killing aliens. coincidence? sweating now, huh? not done yet. 2010: true grit came out, a western movie, with like, horses and stuff. 2010: red dead redemption came out, a western game, with like, poker and stuff (also horses). coincidence? COINCIDENCE?! i think not! no dont give me that bullshit! this is irrefutable evidence! next you're going to tell me you killing off all my reincarnations, including a potted plant, consecutively was an accident and a coincidence! liar! you'll pay for this some day, hollywood. just wait. i'll employ all your cliches against you. i just need to come of age first, give up my familiar surroundings and ties, then acquire a wacky sidekick, then you'll see!
pre-best picture montage: ok, this was cool. with king's speech as the framework instead, we get the final king's speech droning over edited together nominee clips complete with beethoven's 7th. though, i guess this shows some bias? doesnt matter, this will all be over soon enough. still, pretty fantastic idea, whoever thought of it.
best picture: man, this 10 movie (formerly 5) thing is awesome, the best thing that's happened to the oscars. not only do i feel good that more movies i loved get oscar nominee written on their blu-ray boxes, but i get introduced to more movies that i might not have heard of, such as winter's bone, which i will check out, totally. and spielberg presenting! awesome. he may in fact be the best looking director ever. anyway, my personal favorite movie of 2010 was inception, but that really had no chance of winning. my second favorite was social network, but i'm guessing the reanimated corpses that comprise the academy dont like these new-fangled college kids doing their new-fangled hacking and internet business creation thing. oh well. the king's speech was still a bloody great film (5th fave of 2010 since you didn't ask), with easily one of the most powerful climaxes of the year.
man, this turned out really long. i've been pretty bored lately. anyway. the awards show this year was pretty run-of-the-mill. the actual winners were pretty good, but the in between stuff was lacking. the presenters were great, but the hosts were running at only about 50%. oh well.
So, this is the first real sampling of my tenaciously hard to kill blog, despite its obvious ability to instill disgust in all who see it. Should I give a title to it? How bout, the Blogroach? See you tomorrow.
(*plagiarized from my Gametrailers blog. Part 1 of 4) read