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     Ascythopicism's Blog
Tomscythopicism©'s (Mostly NVGR) Internet (and Print-Media) Findings
 by Ascythopicism on 04.22.2008      19 comments






This is mainly just an excuse to declare how awesome Dexter345, Roncore, Steel Squirrel and myself are at Call of Duty 4 for the XanaduBox 360 home gaming console. As always I pegged on some non-video-game-related videos and such to make this feel a bit less FAIL.



Admittedly, a 49-win-streak isn't so great (a quick look at the Leaderboards shows one person in the top-100 for wins has a streak of 172), but for an article to claim that you "boast an impressive undefeated streak of 36 matches," and for it to be something completely unimpressive, and something definitely not boast-worthy; it's kind of funny. But I guess we are dealing with "GameInformer" here...

Now for the NVGR content:

This just in! Chronic ejaculators are a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Even better, the lead researcher Graham Niles explains that the effect is greater for Destructoiders: "Had we been able to remove ejaculations associated with sexual intercourse, there should have been an even stronger protective effect of ejaculations." Who says living in your mom's basement and being generally anti-social is a bad thing?!

Penn Jillette is quite possibly the closest thing to a hero for me. He is a loud-mouthed bad-ass who isn't afraid to love.

Penn on Opinions:



I'm not particularly a fan of television (especially news-television), but this video from Fox News' Hannity and Colmes shows how every now and then a super-hero and a super-villain sometimes team up to take down an even bigger super-villain.

I give you the honorable Pastor James Manning, exposing Barrack Obama as the "long-legged," born-as-"trash," "mack daddy" that he is:


If you've come to identify with the Pastor's message of love and acceptance, may I forward you to his sermon on "Who's Nigger Are You?

And, to end on a positive note...

Here's the Norwegian Viking-Metal band Helheim performing live in front of a kindergarten classroom, from the article: 'We Need To Let Metal And Odin Catch The Kids Before Jesus Does!':


Tomscythopicism© Danmartigan, 2008

Attached photos:

Photo Photo

There are 19 comments about this post:
Danmartigan's Destructoid Blog
Interesting stuff. Based on your research, I think it's safe to say that no one on this site will ever have prostate cancer.
Vlambo's Destructoid Blog
YOu know, the 172 Streak isn't really that impressive. All you have to do is finish in the TOP 3 of a FFA.
Steel Squirrel's Destructoid Blog
Fuck that guy.
Samit Sarkar's Destructoid Blog
I love how the band members are actually wearing chain mail, and how the video labels the kids as metal fans.

Also, now I know that it is statistically impossible for me to get prostate cancer! Thanks!
MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
Cap'n Crunch did 9/11

OPINION
power-glove's Destructoid Blog
Wow, that is the best that GI could find. We would completely destroy him.
Ascythopicism's Destructoid Blog
Yeah, Samit. We need more chain-mail wielding bands over here! I for one predict there would be a direct relationship between the number of bands like Helheim in America, and our collective moral compass.
Dexter345's Destructoid Blog
Wait. "The top ranked player has a ridiculous 75 million wins"? I hope that is supposed to be a joke.

Let's assume that this person has won every single match he has played. So that's 75 million matches. Now, assume he's so good that he wins each match in one second (a total impossibility, without cheating of course). That's 75 million seconds. A little bit of math later, we find that 75 million seconds is equal to 868 days or 2.38 years.

So, assuming this guy has been playing the game nonstop and winning a match every second, he's been doing it for almost two years before the game was released. Quite the talented individual.
Dexter345's Destructoid Blog
Also, reading comprehension for the lose. I fail.
Ascythopicism's Destructoid Blog
I really love how they don't allow you delete your comments, now we all get to make fun of Dexter.
Dexter345's Destructoid Blog
So what's new?
Samit Sarkar's Destructoid Blog
LOL reading comprehension, or lack thereof.
Steel Squirrel's Destructoid Blog
Ah, Norwegian Viking-Metal, don't hear that enough do ya?
Crapsh00t's Destructoid Blog
You know what, Thop? Fuck you. I'm going to make sure to keep your locked in standby as much as possible now with my own. Maybe I'll just start playing for the other team. For $5000. We'll see who's so hot at a stupid video game then!

This is only slightly mitigated by the fact that I approve of the various non-CoD4 media posted here.

Also, fuck you.

I'm not angry.
Crapsh00t's Destructoid Blog
"I'm going to make sure to keep your HELICOPTERS locked in standby as much as possible now with my own."

FUCK!
Ascythopicism's Destructoid Blog
You heard it here first! Crapsh00t supports, nay, is the ex-gay-lover of Pastor J.D. Manning!

Do what you must with my helicopters... my JELLOCOPTERS will always and forever fly free.
atheistium's Destructoid Blog
more of these posts please :D
TurboHyperFighting's Destructoid Blog
Holy fucking shit. 'Thop, I'm thanking you for a few reasons.

First, for pointing out something that I thought when I first read that shitty-corporate(yetfree) rag "Gay-meInformer" then immediately forgot.

Second, introducing me to a viking metal band I'd not heard of. My only previous experience is with Amon Amarth, whom I love very much. If I could I'd have that singer's little viking bastards.
Fucking all bands should wear chainmail.

And for the record, who says drinking isn't cooL?

Now THAT was fucking metal, bro.
On second thought, scratch that. Only wicked-sick metal bands like these should. This is awesome stuff, and a pretty cool find, 'Thop.


@Dexter Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha---ha.
TurboHyperFighting's Destructoid Blog
HAHAHA! I just finished that James Manning video, and that's some pretty visceral vocal slander. The sound of his voice is pleasing but the content of his speech is distressing.

And, I had to say that the picture of that guy from GameInformer of whom you speak was a very funny picture. How could someone approve of a picture of them self like that. The best picture though is the of the guy with the highest score (..somethingGodly, I think). The pic is obviously of him playing the game in context. Funny stuff...

Champ AKA THF out.

Fo realz.

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