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New York NARP? More like New York Fagtard Parade!
Ascythopicism | 8:44 AM on 03.10.2008 28 comments


NY NARP: epic failure, or the most epic failure? You decide!

I had fun meeting (most) of you cock-bags. Before our rendez-vous, I wasn't sure if I was gay or not. Apparently I am.

What I learned (in alphabetical order by name):

Andy hopes that more kids are born retarded in the future. This will greatly help his financial situation.

Puppet believes I am of the homosexual persuasion. His great interest in where I thrust my p33n into is interesting in itself. I believe before year's end a roll in the sheets, an engaging and philosophical bedside chat, and a heavy-hearted, remorseful realization that the indicator on the pregnancy test is a plus sign, and NOT (not) a negative sign, followed by an abortion in Mexico by a doctor who also sells tacos is to ensue.

Pedro thinks I am Ben. He is wrong.

Lauren gave me teh AIDS. But it's okay because those anal warts she's developed are probably my fault.

Petey has a red messenger bag and he wants that and his tallness to be the only two descriptors about himself that anyone should acknowledge.

Michael is actually a pretty cool guy despite being Asian. Maybe continuing to run the sweatshop worked by his (indentured servants) brothers and sisters in my basement is immoral after all.

Graham has the name of a cracker. Which I oft-times eat in my leisure.

Samit's name is pronounced as "Sah-mitt" (or something). He also went through great pains to try to pronounce my user-handle only to fail every time he opened his mouth. I nodded and acted as if he got it right after about 15 minutes.

Ben has a wife. And this fucking scares the shit out of me. I also walk next to him on the side which he has the most trouble hearing. I do this to make fun of him to his face without him knowing. It's hilarious.

Even though eating shitty burgers and perusing shops I've been in tens of times was loads (loads) of fun, I kind of regret missing your "David and Buster's" leg of the trip. Unfortunately I had a man-date with my grandfather (who was the leading actor in "Lemon Party") where we discussed political theory, trends in society, and how to induce queefing in females. He also anally-raped me. He now has AIDS.



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26 comments | showing # 1 to 26
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Pedro Blandino's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 08:57
Pedro Blandino
sup ben.
power-glove's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 08:58
power-glove
Also, if you leave your children unattended they will be sold as slaves.
atheistium's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:03
atheistium
LOL my warts have produced fungus like gold and I'm selling it on ebay at a high price.
RestingSound's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:04
RestingSound
You are so gay.
wardrox's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:07
wardrox
fagmerica... pfff.
king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:09
king3vbo
Puppet questions everyone's sexuality... but in the end, hes just questioning himself
glipe's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:11
glipe
Wow! You mean Puppet is the same in real life as he is on Live?! Classy!

Glad everyone seems to have had a good time, aside from teh AIDS.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:32
AgentMOO
Hi ben!

oh shit divide by zero

also, [url=http://www.flickr.com/photos/sinnerchrono/2323174262/in/set-72157604086009539/]Tyler Perry goatse[url].
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:33
AgentMOO
Tyler Perry goatse.

I fail bbcode, tags went in my deaf ear
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:53
Samit Sarkar
Goddammit...I’m going to stick with “a-sky-THOP-ih-cizm”. Fuck you.

Also, you weren’t missing much of anything at Dave & Buster’s. Really. I’m actually sad that I spent eight bucks there just to fail at Daytona USA 2. Also, we watched some creepy old guys sit at token machines — you know, the one with that you drop coins into to try to get a boatload more, with the moving bar with coins on it? Sad, indeed.

Lastly...as far as I’m concerned, “the big board” still means the LIRR board.
Pedro Blandino's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:58
Pedro Blandino
this is that guy

creepy yes, but winner player.
AgentMOO's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 09:59
AgentMOO
I just say uhh poth ahh cist ee umm, like an individual who runs an apothecary.

=
Samit Sarkar's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 10:59
Samit Sarkar
@Samit Sarkar: Hey, dumbass, drop the “with” from this part of your comment...“you know, the one with that you drop coins into”
PetiePal's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 11:15
PetiePal
Lollllzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Pedro Blandino's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 11:18
Pedro Blandino
power-glove, I thought I took a picture of that sign.
D:
Dynamic Sheep's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 12:51
Dynamic Sheep
"Puppet believes I am of the homosexual persuasion. His great interest in where I thrust my p33n into is interesting in itself. I believe before year's end a roll in the sheets, an engaging and philosophical bedside chat, and a heavy-hearted, remorseful realization that the indicator on the pregnancy test is a plus sign, and NOT (not) a negative sign, followed by an abortion in Mexico by a doctor who also sells tacos is to ensue."

Let me fix that part for you: Puppet is a dick.

There fixed.
Brian Szabelski's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 12:53
Brian Szabelski
God damn, Pedro, you are a winner indeed.

Alsol, epic write-up :)
The Incredible Edible Egg's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 15:44
The Incredible Edible Egg
He likes to play Team Tactical so he can whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
Steel Squirrel's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 18:09
Steel Squirrel
Holy shit, I knew you were gay. All that talk about what your name means..... the ass pain and everything......
Go back to East Detroit sucka!
Danmartigan's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 19:14
Danmartigan
You fuckers are all going down in the DTOID COD4 tourny because Tom is on my team and he's not Ben. Die!!!!!

Also Dave and Busters is kind of cool but arcades just make me sad nowadays. A mere shadow of their former glory.
Ascythopicism's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/10/2008 20:11
Ascythopicism
Rectum pain, to be more specific, Squirrel.
atheistium's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/11/2008 10:21
atheistium
who is this guy i don remember him
Crapsh00t's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/12/2008 10:55
Crapsh00t
What the fuck is all this real life hanging out bullshit? Get back on COD4! Shit!
Darren Nakamura's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/13/2008 19:02
Darren Nakamura
Seriously, you don't exist in real life, you're just somebody who is unhumanly good at CoD4.
Ascythopicism's Avatar - Comment posted on 03/13/2008 19:36
Ascythopicism
I agree on all points, Dex. Now if only I could be unhumanly good at Brawl (which is the first game to successfully pry me away from CoD4 for a few days).
Natali Alinskaya's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/22/2011 09:51
Natali Alinskaya
Hello friends,this is a nice site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, good job! Thanks
Best regards, Natali, CEO of sheet music
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