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3:39 PM on 08.27.2015

Oh the Horror

 

Who doesn’t like Valve? They make great games and they created the almighty Steam. Without Steam I wouldn’t have amassed such a grand library of games on the cheap that I’ll never have time to play. But it doesn’t matter that I’ll never play Marvel Zombie Goat Stimulator 4 because I got it for 80% off! In this episode we reveal a few Gametoids about Valve.

Today I want to talk about horror. I am a huge fan of horror movies. I love the old black and white horror movies like Nosferatu and Freaks, I enjoyed the Saw septilogy (is that a word?), every horror movie by Sam Raimi, and I even like the craptastic B-movie slaughter fests of the 80’s, which seem to be making a comeback on Netflix. Horror movies don’t scare me and I’ve never had a nightmare after watching one. They’re fun for me. This is most likely due to my older brother sneaking me downstairs in the middle of the night to watch The Exorcist when I was six years old.

                                                             Tee Hee Hee

Horror video games however are another story altogether. I’m not talking about the shoot’em up zombie games like Left for Dead. Which I love by the way and it was awesome finding about its connection to one of my favorite newer horror movies Cabin in the Woods. It’s the slow paced, what the hell is around that corner and what was that sound and oh God what was that!?! type of horror game that freaks me out. I get nervous and anxious, and my heart rate goes up. I can only play for short under 30 minute blocks of time before I need to take a break. I’m still working on Amnesia and I didn’t even complete the Dead Space demo on PS3.

                                                  me minus the man tears

Tomorrow evening I will be streaming Until Dawn. I was really excited when the reviews came in and they were slightly above average. To be honest, I wouldn’t have been surprised if this game turned out to be the second coming of Night Trap. I’m a little nervous about it. For one, this will be my first time live streaming a video game but it’s mostly because I don’t do well with horror games. To ease the tension I plan on making a drinking game out of it. Every time I jump I’ll drink. If I cry... well it’ll be ok because I just know that the internet will be forgiving. Maybe I should start with the drinking now…

                                                   Hey, what's goin' on in here?

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3:05 PM on 08.20.2015

Chuck E. Cheese, Where a kid can be a douche.

 

Chuck E. Cheese, if you’ve never been to one, is a magical place where they blend fine dining and computer entertainment with a state of the art animatronic theater experience. If you have been there then you know I am lying out of my ass.

In truth it’s a horrible place with dirty floors, rampant bullying from unsupervised children and parents alike, cesspool grade bacteria farms...i.e. ball pits, and horrendous pizza. The first time I was there, as a teenager for my little brother’s birthday party, the “I can't believe it's not real” robot show wasn’t even working correctly. Only half of the characters were moving and there was a two minute video set to repeat infinitely on a too small to see screen.

                                                              Yea, just like this.

It was terrifying. And I’m not just talking about the weird sounding robot puppet with the lazy eye and bad case of mange. The pizza… it was terrifying. Chuck E. Cheese’s pizza is worse than bowling alley pizza. At least bowling alley pizza has an excuse as it is just cheap frozen pizza they heat up in the oven for you. Chuck E. Cheese actually makes their steaming pan of hot garbage from scratch. It took them an hour and a half to make this thing too. I imagine they had to make the journey to the kitchen of the Lord of Darkness to slap together this meat and cheese monstrosity.

Would you like extra sauce with that?                                               Would you like extra sauce with that?

In all fairness I haven’t been to one in about 10 years so if they have changed from being a roadside dive bar for children then please sound off in the comment section below.

 

Nolan Bushnell, the founder of Chuck E. Cheese, also founded Atari. A company of which I have much fonder memories. I can vividly remember the night my dad brought home our 2600 with a small box of cartridges and the following four hour drubbing from my older brother on River Raid. We got ours used but new Atari systems with their joystick and one button controllers were $200-$300. That’s crazy! And it’s probably why I don’t complain about video game prices today. Factoring in inflation, the prices really haven’t changed comparatively for the end user. The amount of bugs haven’t really changed much either. It’s just that back then it was called difficulty.

Get it girl!                                                                    Get it girl!

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9:59 AM on 08.13.2015

Gametoids - EA

Oh Electronic Arts. You've published so many great games but nickel and dime your customers to death. So most of us love to hate you. However, many other companies followed your lead so now you're a trend setter. Congratulations!

 

*Spoilers for Gametoids episode 2 follows*

 

I stopped buying every annual edition of Madden years ago. I did pick up this year’s regurgitation and was taken aback by the exorbitant amount of ways to bleed money from their customers. Very disappointing. I think the next step will be to charge a fee to unlock each team you want to be playable in the game. At $14.99 per team that would be and extra $479.68 for all of the teams on top of the $59.99 base game. Wow, that's depressing just to think about. Lets move along.

Our first Gametoid is The Sims. A game that I've picked up every now and then over the years. I usually spend my time with the game discovering different ways to incapacitate my sims. This last for about 30 minutes then I'm done. I'll have plenty of time to master the art of micromanaging bowel movements when I'm elderly.

Next up we have Tiger Woods '99. Besides Mario and Golden Tee, Gulf games are a genre I've mostly ignored. I do enjoy finding out when game developers hide things in games, they've been doing it since the beginning, but this is the first time I've heard about an entire uncensored animated short. You couldn't watch the episode through your Playstation, instead you had to put the disc into your pc and open the file Zzdummy.dat. You can find this episode on youtube easily enough but it's definitely NSFW.

Finally we have a Gametoid about Dead Space. I love horror movies. I watch them regularly. I rarely fall for the jump scare and I have no problem sleeping afterward. Playing horror video games on the other hand I find creepy and unsettling. I can only play for small periods of time before I need to take a break.  I do try to intensify the atmosphere by turning out the lights and using a headset but still, they freak me out and I wasn't too surprised to find out what that was behind the menu screen in Dead Space. A horror game that I only lasted half way through the original demo.

See you next time when we will bring you a few Gametoids on Atari. 

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4:45 PM on 08.11.2015

Gametoids - Episode 1 - Nintendo

 

Well hello there Destructoid! The times… they be a changin’. I wanted to post this blog last week but I needed a little time to get acclimated and find out exactly what would be changing around here. Personally I don’t mind changes. I’ll adapt. Though I can certainly understand how someone who loves the status quo would be adverse to it. The community here is extremely passionate and that's a good thing.

We also decided to change things up recently. We don't have near the following of Destructoid so no one is chasing us with pitchforks. For those of you that have followed us you know that most of our videos ran a little long. They had comedy bits, vignettes, musical interludes, and special effects. Those things take a lot of time to produce. For two guys with families and full time jobs who do this for fun it became increasingly difficult to find the time make more than a few videos a year. We really enjoy making them though and wanted to keep our excuse we tell our wives to get together and drink find a way to continue making videos without the huge time sink.

fax

Enter Gametoids. Short videos about factoids, nuances, musings, and things we find funny or interesting in video games. It's not lost on me that the title of this series is befitting Destructoid either. I wouldn't even mind making this series exclusive to Destructoid. “Hit me up Dtoid staff” :wink: :wink:

We love this community and most of the time the staff. “C'mon Chris Carter, 6.5 for A Link Between Worlds?” Yer killin' me! We're excited to share Gametoids with you and we hope you enjoy watching it.

*Spoilers for Gametoids episode 1 follows*

So you did click on the above video and watched episode one right? Good, now lets continue. I love Nintendo! Seriously. I grew up with the Nes and Snes and no matter what they do today I will always have a soft spot for Nintendo. Our first Gametoid is about Mr. Mario himself Charles Martinet. This is basically due to Gametoids originally being about celebrities in gaming but we soon realized that we needed to broaden the scope of our factoids. Charles Martinet has actually been in dozens of movies and television shows. In this episode we chose “The Game” starring Michael Douglas.

Our second Gametoid is about Ocarina of Time 3D. I was shocked when I read that the original bugs were intentionally left in the game. I'm all for nostalgia but c'mon! Fixing errors in a remake should be a priority. Much like save states. It's a different era of gaming. People like me who grew up with these games and are now adults rely on this modern functionality to continue enjoying and purchasing games. Playing for hours until I come upon a save point is a thing of the past.

Lastly for episode one we have the awesome early 90's ad campaigns from Nintendo and Sega. Who didn't love these commercials? The torch was later carried by Sony with Crash outside of Nintendo headquarters with a megaphone. It now appears even NEC got into the act.

Stay tuned for episode 2 when we talk Electronic Arts.

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5:16 PM on 04.24.2015

Racism and stereotypes in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!

Hello again Ladies and Gents,

And welcome to the Deep South. Well, it’s actually my back yard in eastern Pennsylvania but for the sake of the show let’s call it… Pennsyltucky. As a young lad playing Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, the racial and cultural stereotypes found therein didn’t dawn on me. My elementary school had a solid mix of white, black, and Hispanic children and I can honestly say I didn’t know what racism was. We all played together.

I think it was in 6th grade when I really learned about intolerance and bigotry. I moved around often. From living in a middle class neighborhood in Indiana to a trailer park in Michigan and even to the mountains if Kentucky. I met kids from all backgrounds and even went to a school that had only one kid of color. And he was adopted! Andy had a similar multicultural background, minus the hills of Kentucky.

Andy and I have wanted to make a video about Punch-Out!! for quite a while now and talk about the over the top depictions of its characters. And what better way to do that than with over the top caricatures of our own? I personally don’t feel that the developers were being malicious. I see it as good natured ribbing. The Japanese are notorious for making fun of our many different cultures and idiosyncrasies. Their own especially. Well, that and tentacle porn.

Are you offended by the stereotypes in Punch-Out!!? The most recent iteration was released in 2009 for the Wii. Though the developers get kudos for using actual foreign speaking actors (Piston Hondo finally speaks contextual Japanese), the source material and humor is still present. Hillbilly Canadian Bear Hugger guzzles maple syrup, French Boxer Glass Joe hangs out at the Eiffel Tower drinking coffee and holding a big loaf of French bread. You can even knock the sushi rolls out of Piston Hondo.

Comment below and let’s talk Punch Out!

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8:41 AM on 05.12.2014

I like my robots like I like my booze...hard.

That title sounds wrong in more ways than I planned but it made me laugh so I’m keeping it. Eddie and Andy are boozing it up in another episode of Inebriated Exhumations. This time we unbox and play with voice activated robots from the amazing futuristic decade that was the 1980’s. A time when Reaganomics were in full swing, a Flock of Seagulls did more than just steal your french fries (though not much more,) and the robots actually listened to you… sometimes.

My parents never forked over their hard earned cash to buy me one of these when I was a wee lad in my super sweet burgundy corduroys and faux thriller jacket so I was genuinely excited to get to finally play with them. And much like my parents probably expected, the fun lasted about an hour and then I was over it. Thankfully, when the excitement was over, we still had all the fun of booze to keep us entertained.

Did you have one of these robots as a kid? Glad you were born in the 90's after this decade was over? Have you been so drunk you thought you were a robot? 

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5:53 PM on 02.14.2014

Mega Man 2 - Arm Length Interviews

Love is in the air, or is that Christmas cookies and broken dreams? I don’t even know anymore. What I do know is that it’s Valentine’s Day and this is our Christmas episode. At the time we had planned to record this episode, Andy had a brand new baby girl to look after and we put the show on hold so that he could learn how to be a good daddy. Or at least learn how to feed a baby by holding the bottle between his chin and chest to free both hands for adequate, albeit uncomfortable, gaming sessions. Congratulations Andy!


However, we still wanted to make a Christmas episode. That therein is what’s great about having our own show. We can do whatever the hell we want. I hope you enjoy our Christmas episode on Valentine’s Day. Jokes will be made; tears will be shed, and Eddie busts out some sweet, sweet dance moves.

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7:43 AM on 01.13.2014

Inebriated Exhumations Ep. 1

In this exciting new series from Arm Length Interviews, Andy and Eddie unbox and try old tech and toys. How do they deal with the boredom? By getting REALLY DRUNK!!

In Episode one, after getting liquored up on beer, vodka martinis, and rum shots, we unbox and try to play one of the myriad of Pong ripoff machines, the Radio Shack Full Color TV Scoreboard. 

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11:14 AM on 11.07.2013

Billy Hayabusa

Billy Baloney from Pee Wee's playhouse as Ninja Gaiden's Ryu with frame by frame reproduction of the classic NES intro, all done with photographs, scotch tape, construction paper, and various items lying around the house.



Speaking of Pee Wee's Playhouse. I just went back and watched a few episodes. Still funny!   read


9:10 AM on 10.26.2013

PS4 Controller and Camera Unboxing

Andy picked up the PS4 controller and Camera last night from his local video game store. One of things that got me most excited about the new design is that I can now put the controller down without having to worry about accidentally pressing the L2 and R2 buttons. I get excited over the little things, I know.

We also see a side by side comparison of the Duelshock 4 and the Duelshock 3 along with a glimpse of an old crusty Dualshock 2.

So did anyone else pick up their PS4 accessories last night? What did you think?

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5:07 PM on 10.18.2013

Halloween Splatacular with Arm Length Interviews

In their inaugural Halloween special, Eddie and Andy discuss Games where you play as the monster.



We love Halloween and had a blast making this episode. What games or movies do you find yourself going back to every October? Do you believe in ghosts? Have you ever mispronounced a word on camera and it was too funny to cut so you just left it in?

Comment below and lets talk Halloween!   read


8:52 AM on 09.16.2013

Out of this World - We're Doin' it.

Out of this World, (a.k.a. Another World), is discussed, poked, and prodded in this "Doin' it" episode. Also, with Andy's Sega CD on the fritz, Eddie has a brilliant idea to get it working again.





Science Fiction has been a huge part of our lives for as long as we can remember. Which is why making a video for this classic game was so much fun. In the video we incorporate a scene from a movie that had a huge impact on our childhoods and our sense of humor.

What are some of your favorite Science Fiction games and movies? What have you watched or played as a kid that stayed with you into adulthood?

Comments are always welcome!   read





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