Included in the above video is footage we captured of the Sega Vs Nintendo panel from this year’s Pax East with Al Nilsen, former Marketing Director for Sega of America. This panel ran from 9:30pm to 11:30pm on Friday, which came after a Thursday night of heavy drinking and no sleep due to the annual Pokecrawl, then a full day of walking, low nutritional food truck lunches, and moderate to heavy day drinking. This panel might has well been at 4:00am as I was thoroughly exhausted.
As we queued up in line I noticed that I wasn’t the only one running on empty due to how quiet and calm everyone else was. The room was kept to a low murmur except for an occasional roll of dice or the shuffling of cards. With the amount of bodies jammed into this small que room the temperature had comfortably risen and bundled us in a warm snuggly embrace. If I would have lain down there isn’t a doubt in my mind that any amount of caffeine could save me. I would have fallen asleep. I did the only thing a man in my position could do at that moment in time. I put in my ear buds and cranked up Rage Against the Machine.
I have a propensity to find humor in all things and make myself laugh. I found that sitting there amongst the calmest of people, some who were nodding off, while an insane rager of a party was happening in my head, was completely hilarious to me and a little surreal. As the enforcer came into the que room to bring us to the panel room we all slowly stood up. Some even had to be woken up as we all walked groggily and single file to the panel room while early 90’s rap metal was throwing down something fierce inside my head.
We enter and Andy makes a beeline straight to the anterior of the room and sits right in front of the panel. Nearly everyone else heads to the back of the room, most likely to take a nap. I take my seat next to Andy and near a giant man-child. Now I’m not a little guy by any means. I am 6’1 and 250lbs and this guy dwarfed me. He had a good 4-5 inches in height on me and maybe 50-75lbs. He had the body of Donkey Kong and the face of a cherub with a neck beard. His eyes were so heavy. I knew that if Al Nilsen didn’t bust in the room riding a unicycle and blasting an air horn while passing out PS4’s he wasn’t going to make it.
The sleep deprived late night giggles begin just as Al Nilsen enters the room. Andy professionally brushes aside his drowsiness and focuses intently at the task at hand. He’s been looking forward to this panel all weekend. He has his camera ready and his questions memorized and I’m having a really hard time keeping a straight face. I pull out my ear buds and shove my phone into my backpack.
Ten minutes into the panel and my giddiness subsides. The feeling of nostalgia creeps in and I’m genuinely interested in the proceedings. They’re showing classic Sega commercials on the big screen and Al Nilsen retells old stories I’ve never heard before. This is a really nice panel. Then I hear it, a low droning sound with a little rumble to it. I look to my left. Andy is still deeply engrossed to everything Al Nilsen is saying. He’s still holding up his camera. I wonder to myself how long he can keep it up until his hand starts shaking. I look to my right and there he is, Baby Huey himself snoring away in a deep slumber. He must have sensed that I caught him and his head snaps upright.
I immediately put my hand over my mouth and my head down to hold in the laughter. Andy glances at me disapprovingly. I look to my right again and try with all of my might to not make a raucous as The human Bee-Bop does the head nod and jerk battle. He’s fighting it but two minutes later this dude’s mouth has dropped open and he is full on sawing logs. Now I am stricken with an uncontrollable giggle and a serious decision to make. Do I nudge this guy with my elbow? Do I kick his foot? He is three seats down from me so I probably couldn’t even reach him while being inconspicuous. Plus, this guy is huge! If I startle him he might go all Warren on me.
Just the fact that I am sitting in a modestly quiet room full of sleepy people trying to watch a serious panel, with a snoring frankenbaby on one side and a game face Andy on the other was extremely funny to me and I couldn’t stop laughing. Thankfully I was able to keep the laughter down to a dull roar. Andy seemed to be the only one to notice and I was happy that I haven’t been too rude and disrupted the panel. I realized the only thing that was going to help me regain my composure was work. So I opened my backpack to acquire my notepad for some serious, mind numbing note taking. With notepad in hand I reached in again for a pen. I noticed there was a small wire stuck in the cap of my pen, and as I pulled the headset wire out of my phone, my happiness turned into Andy’s sheer terror as Rage Against the Machine flooded the room.
I immediately start laughing and fumbling with my phone. The screen is locked and I can’t seem to unlock it. Panic sets in and it’s hilarious! I can’t believe I just did this. It’s embarrassing and funny at the same time. Andy’s eyes get large as he mouth’s the words “turn it off”! Al Nilsen looks down at me and somehow makes it even funnier. The sleeping titan toddler springs awake to give me a stern look for either disrupting the panel or interrupting his hibernation, I’ll never know. Internally I scream at my phone to please turn off, please turn off! Zack de la Rocha screams back at me, “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!” What might have only been five seconds felt like an eternity. Finally I rip off the back of the phone and pull out the battery.
We’re all wide awake and sweating now, Andy from holding up his camera for an hour straight and a panic attack caused by yours truly, me from a mix of laughter, embarrassment, and my own panic attack, and baby mansquatch from sleeping too hard.
At the end of the panel I did apologized for my disruption. No one seemed to be bothered by it. Andy got his so looked forward to question for Al dismissed on account of copyright shenanigans, and junior bear found a place to sleep.
Best not intentionally funny but still funny Pax East panel ever!
Who doesn’t like Valve? They make great games and they created the almighty Steam. Without Steam I wouldn’t have amassed such a grand library of games on the cheap that I’ll never have time to play. But it doesn’t matter that I’ll never play Marvel Zombie Goat Stimulator 4 because I got it for 80% off! In this episode we reveal a few Gametoids about Valve.
Today I want to talk about horror. I am a huge fan of horror movies. I love the old black and white horror movies like Nosferatu and Freaks, I enjoyed the Saw septilogy (is that a word?), every horror movie by Sam Raimi, and I even like the craptastic B-movie slaughter fests of the 80’s, which seem to be making a comeback on Netflix. Horror movies don’t scare me and I’ve never had a nightmare after watching one. They’re fun for me. This is most likely due to my older brother sneaking me downstairs in the middle of the night to watch The Exorcist when I was six years old.
Tee Hee Hee
Horror video games however are another story altogether. I’m not talking about the shoot’em up zombie games like Left for Dead. Which I love by the way and it was awesome finding about its connection to one of my favorite newer horror movies Cabin in the Woods. It’s the slow paced, what the hell is around that corner and what was that sound and oh God what was that!?! type of horror game that freaks me out. I get nervous and anxious, and my heart rate goes up. I can only play for short under 30 minute blocks of time before I need to take a break. I’m still working on Amnesia and I didn’t even complete the Dead Space demo on PS3.
me minus the man tears
Tomorrow evening I will be streaming Until Dawn. I was really excited when the reviews came in and they were slightly above average. To be honest, I wouldn’t have been surprised if this game turned out to be the second coming of Night Trap. I’m a little nervous about it. For one, this will be my first time live streaming a video game but it’s mostly because I don’t do well with horror games. To ease the tension I plan on making a drinking game out of it. Every time I jump I’ll drink. If I cry... well it’ll be ok because I just know that the internet will be forgiving. Maybe I should start with the drinking now…
Chuck E. Cheese, if you’ve never been to one, is a magical place where they blend fine dining and computer entertainment with a state of the art animatronic theater experience. If you have been there then you know I am lying out of my ass.
In truth it’s a horrible place with dirty floors, rampant bullying from unsupervised children and parents alike, cesspool grade bacteria farms...i.e. ball pits, and horrendous pizza. The first time I was there, as a teenager for my little brother’s birthday party, the “I can't believe it's not real” robot show wasn’t even working correctly. Only half of the characters were moving and there was a two minute video set to repeat infinitely on a too small to see screen.
Yea, just like this.
It was terrifying. And I’m not just talking about the weird sounding robot puppet with the lazy eye and bad case of mange. The pizza… it was terrifying. Chuck E. Cheese’s pizza is worse than bowling alley pizza. At least bowling alley pizza has an excuse as it is just cheap frozen pizza they heat up in the oven for you. Chuck E. Cheese actually makes their steaming pan of hot garbage from scratch. It took them an hour and a half to make this thing too. I imagine they had to make the journey to the kitchen of the Lord of Darkness to slap together this meat and cheese monstrosity.
Would you like extra sauce with that?
In all fairness I haven’t been to one in about 10 years so if they have changed from being a roadside dive bar for children then please sound off in the comment section below.
Nolan Bushnell, the founder of Chuck E. Cheese, also founded Atari. A company of which I have much fonder memories. I can vividly remember the night my dad brought home our 2600 with a small box of cartridges and the following four hour drubbing from my older brother on River Raid. We got ours used but new Atari systems with their joystick and one button controllers were $200-$300. That’s crazy! And it’s probably why I don’t complain about video game prices today. Factoring in inflation, the prices really haven’t changed comparatively for the end user. The amount of bugs haven’t really changed much either. It’s just that back then it was called difficulty.
Oh Electronic Arts. You've published so many great games but nickel and dime your customers to death. So most of us love to hate you. However, many other companies followed your lead so now you're a trend setter. Congratulations!
*Spoilers for Gametoids episode 2 follows*
I stopped buying every annual edition of Madden years ago. I did pick up this year’s regurgitation and was taken aback by the exorbitant amount of ways to bleed money from their customers. Very disappointing. I think the next step will be to charge a fee to unlock each team you want to be playable in the game. At $14.99 per team that would be and extra $479.68 for all of the teams on top of the $59.99 base game. Wow, that's depressing just to think about. Lets move along.
Our first Gametoid is The Sims. A game that I've picked up every now and then over the years. I usually spend my time with the game discovering different ways to incapacitate my sims. This last for about 30 minutes then I'm done. I'll have plenty of time to master the art of micromanaging bowel movements when I'm elderly.
Next up we have Tiger Woods '99. Besides Mario and Golden Tee, Gulf games are a genre I've mostly ignored. I do enjoy finding out when game developers hide things in games, they've been doing it since the beginning, but this is the first time I've heard about an entire uncensored animated short. You couldn't watch the episode through your Playstation, instead you had to put the disc into your pc and open the file Zzdummy.dat. You can find this episode on youtube easily enough but it's definitely NSFW.
Finally we have a Gametoid about Dead Space. I love horror movies. I watch them regularly. I rarely fall for the jump scare and I have no problem sleeping afterward. Playing horror video games on the other hand I find creepy and unsettling. I can only play for small periods of time before I need to take a break. I do try to intensify the atmosphere by turning out the lights and using a headset but still, they freak me out and I wasn't too surprised to find out what that was behind the menu screen in Dead Space. A horror game that I only lasted half way through the original demo.
See you next time when we will bring you a few Gametoids on Atari.
Well hello there Destructoid! The times… they be a changin’. I wanted to post this blog last week but I needed a little time to get acclimated and find out exactly what would be changing around here. Personally I don’t mind changes. I’ll adapt. Though I can certainly understand how someone who loves the status quo would be adverse to it. The community here is extremely passionate and that's a good thing.
We also decided to change things up recently. We don't have near the following of Destructoid so no one is chasing us with pitchforks. For those of you that have followed us you know that most of our videos ran a little long. They had comedy bits, vignettes, musical interludes, and special effects. Those things take a lot of time to produce. For two guys with families and full time jobs who do this for fun it became increasingly difficult to find the time make more than a few videos a year. We really enjoy making them though and wanted to keep our excuse we tell our wives to get together and drink find a way to continue making videos without the huge time sink.
Enter Gametoids. Short videos about factoids, nuances, musings, and things we find funny or interesting in video games. It's not lost on me that the title of this series is befitting Destructoid either. I wouldn't even mind making this series exclusive to Destructoid. “Hit me up Dtoid staff” :wink: :wink:
We love this community and most of the time the staff. “C'mon Chris Carter, 6.5 for A Link Between Worlds?” Yer killin' me! We're excited to share Gametoids with you and we hope you enjoy watching it.
*Spoilers for Gametoids episode 1 follows*
So you did click on the above video and watched episode one right? Good, now lets continue. I love Nintendo! Seriously. I grew up with the Nes and Snes and no matter what they do today I will always have a soft spot for Nintendo. Our first Gametoid is about Mr. Mario himself Charles Martinet. This is basically due to Gametoids originally being about celebrities in gaming but we soon realized that we needed to broaden the scope of our factoids. Charles Martinet has actually been in dozens of movies and television shows. In this episode we chose “The Game” starring Michael Douglas.
Our second Gametoid is about Ocarina of Time 3D. I was shocked when I read that the original bugs were intentionally left in the game. I'm all for nostalgia but c'mon! Fixing errors in a remake should be a priority. Much like save states. It's a different era of gaming. People like me who grew up with these games and are now adults rely on this modern functionality to continue enjoying and purchasing games. Playing for hours until I come upon a save point is a thing of the past.
Lastly for episode one we have the awesome early 90's ad campaigns from Nintendo and Sega. Who didn't love these commercials? The torch was later carried by Sony with Crash outside of Nintendo headquarters with a megaphone. It now appears even NEC got into the act.
Stay tuned for episode 2 when we talk Electronic Arts.
And welcome to the Deep South. Well, it’s actually my back yard in eastern Pennsylvania but for the sake of the show let’s call it… Pennsyltucky. As a young lad playing Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, the racial and cultural stereotypes found therein didn’t dawn on me. My elementary school had a solid mix of white, black, and Hispanic children and I can honestly say I didn’t know what racism was. We all played together.
I think it was in 6th grade when I really learned about intolerance and bigotry. I moved around often. From living in a middle class neighborhood in Indiana to a trailer park in Michigan and even to the mountains if Kentucky. I met kids from all backgrounds and even went to a school that had only one kid of color. And he was adopted! Andy had a similar multicultural background, minus the hills of Kentucky.
Andy and I have wanted to make a video about Punch-Out!! for quite a while now and talk about the over the top depictions of its characters. And what better way to do that than with over the top caricatures of our own? I personally don’t feel that the developers were being malicious. I see it as good natured ribbing. The Japanese are notorious for making fun of our many different cultures and idiosyncrasies. Their own especially. Well, that and tentacle porn.
Are you offended by the stereotypes in Punch-Out!!? The most recent iteration was released in 2009 for the Wii. Though the developers get kudos for using actual foreign speaking actors (Piston Hondo finally speaks contextual Japanese), the source material and humor is still present. Hillbilly Canadian Bear Hugger guzzles maple syrup, French Boxer Glass Joe hangs out at the Eiffel Tower drinking coffee and holding a big loaf of French bread. You can even knock the sushi rolls out of Piston Hondo.
That title sounds wrong in more ways than I planned but it made me laugh so I’m keeping it. Eddie and Andy are boozing it up in another episode of Inebriated Exhumations. This time we unbox and play with voice activated robots from the amazing futuristic decade that was the 1980’s. A time when Reaganomics were in full swing, a Flock of Seagulls did more than just steal your french fries (though not much more,) and the robots actually listened to you… sometimes.
My parents never forked over their hard earned cash to buy me one of these when I was a wee lad in my super sweet burgundy corduroys and faux thriller jacket so I was genuinely excited to get to finally play with them. And much like my parents probably expected, the fun lasted about an hour and then I was over it. Thankfully, when the excitement was over, we still had all the fun of booze to keep us entertained.
Did you have one of these robots as a kid? Glad you were born in the 90's after this decade was over? Have you been so drunk you thought you were a robot?
Love is in the air, or is that Christmas cookies and broken dreams? I don’t even know anymore. What I do know is that it’s Valentine’s Day and this is our Christmas episode. At the time we had planned to record this episode, Andy had a brand new baby girl to look after and we put the show on hold so that he could learn how to be a good daddy. Or at least learn how to feed a baby by holding the bottle between his chin and chest to free both hands for adequate, albeit uncomfortable, gaming sessions. Congratulations Andy!
However, we still wanted to make a Christmas episode. That therein is what’s great about having our own show. We can do whatever the hell we want. I hope you enjoy our Christmas episode on Valentine’s Day. Jokes will be made; tears will be shed, and Eddie busts out some sweet, sweet dance moves.
Billy Baloney from Pee Wee's playhouse as Ninja Gaiden's Ryu with frame by frame reproduction of the classic NES intro, all done with photographs, scotch tape, construction paper, and various items lying around the house.
Speaking of Pee Wee's Playhouse. I just went back and watched a few episodes. Still funny! read