Xyanide, or, why I hate myself and people who own Ikaruga

I almost wish I had an Xbox 360. I almost wish I didn’t buy a Wii. I REALLY wish I had a time machine. And it’s all because of Ikaruga.

See, I got the game the very week it came out on the Gamecube, as a birthday gift I specifically asked for. Around the same time, I also bought a beautiful, amazing, and VERY useful Airflow controller as well. Did anyone else have one of those? They were wonderful things, controllers with fans built into the holey handles designed to keep your hands from getting hopelessly sweaty during hardcore gaming sessions, and I got it SPECIFICALLY for Ikaruga. Okay, it was flawed, any time it rumbled, the fan would go off, so I eventually just turned that off and kept the fan on the highest setting at all times, but it was nice, and I can‘t find any pictures of them online, so you probably don‘t believe me. Dammit.

And then my Gamecube coughed up a lung and died. So I traded it in to Gamestop and got an Xbox, but, being a stupid 9th grader, I also got rid of all of my games, controllers, and memory cards. Even the Airflow. Everything went to Gamestop EXCEPT for Ikaruga, which I sold to a friend from school.

Here’s where I wish I could have a time machine, to stop myself. Oh, if only I had the foresight to know I’d be getting a completely backwards-compatible Wii!

In the years that passed, there’s been an Ikaruga-sized hole in my heart, a longing to go back and play that wonderful game. And then I see it’s been released on XBLA. I hate every single one of you who downloaded it, just so you know, because I CAN’T.

So I tried to fill that hole, and just the other day I went out and bought an Xbox game called Xyanide, 5 bucks at Blockbuster.



No, it’s not Ikaruga, but it’s still pretty good. It didn’t come with the instruction manual (damn you Blockbuster!), so I don’t really know anything about the subtleties of the weapons and such, but I can tell you that even on the second-lowest setting (because I refuse to play as Novice until I get the pride kicked out of me), it certainly provides its share of bullet hell moments.

Plus, it’s the first shmup I’ve ever played that has CINEMATICS. They’re not great, mind you, but they’re still pretty cool. The story is that your warship was supposed to be transporting this witch that just looks like a pale little girl to some…place that looks like a huge void. An asteroid made up of a substance called Xyanide crashes into the ship she’s on, and impales her, infusing her with the stuff, which happens to have the wonderful ability of materializing her thoughts. So she attempts a daring getaway, creating and sending lots of ships to destroy you.

While I’ve never played Geometry Wars, all the reviews I see compare it to that, since you control the ship with the left stick and shoot in all directions with the right stick. Things get freaking hectic and I die a lot.

As I said, it’s not Ikaruga, and I plan on calling up that friend I sold my Gamecube copy to in the hopes that after 5 years he still has it, so I can buy it back from him. But still, if you’re a fan of space shooters, you should at least give Xyanide a shot, especially since it’s pretty damn cheap.

Now excuse me while I go weep about the loss of my beautiful Airflow controller…but at least I know Treasure is developing two completely new 3D games for the Wii. Here’s hoping for a Sin & Punishment sequel, eh?