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Andrew Kauz avatar 11:56 AM on 04.02.2011  (server time)
Interviewing the interviewer: A silly chat with LawofThermalDynamics

Why the hell would someone want to interview a bunch of people all the time? Yeah, stupid question, but it's that question that led me here today to present this interview to you, which is pretty contradictory if you think about it.

In any event, you know that guy who interviews community members? I think his name is LawofThermalPoopmatics or something. I'm about 38% certain that he's the guy to whom I sent a bunch of interview questions recently. Topics included racism, the results of the 2016 presidential elections of the United Republic of Earth, and mechanical dentistry. The answers were fascinating and enlightening, so I decided to keep those for a few years to myself and sell them for profit. What follows is a different set of questions. Please enjoy.

Kauza: To start off, remember that one time a bunch of community members sent a bunch of questions for you to answer? Should I ask those exact same questions in a slightly different order?

The Other Guy: Well I guess no, seeing as though I already answered them.

Now that we've acknowledged my unoriginality, let's talk about your originality. Interviewing community members is a pretty cool thing to do. But let's hear it from you -- why do it?

It was the community itself that made me want to do interviews. If I had to find an exact origin point I would say that a community member (and talented pianist) named AlphaDeus once wrote a blog detailing the pain and troubles in his life. It really opened my eyes that the people here were real, not just usernames and funny comments (Ignorant I know, but the anonymity on the internet really creates a distance between people) . They are also the most interesting people that I have ever met and it was because I wanted to get in contact with them that I started the interviews..

Tell us the story of how you came to Destructoid, but somehow incorporate a polar bear, two Lebanese prostitutes and a copy of The Rocketeer on DVD.

I was a researcher located in the North Pole studying mating habits of the Polar Bear when my satellite phone started ringing. Knowing only HQ had my number I picked it up expecting them to demand all the research I compiled so far. When I picked up the phone it was indeed HQ but instead of my research, they told me there was an emergency back home and I needed to rush to HQ as quickly as possible.

I arrived the next day to find the offices in shambles. It seems that for Faculty movie night, someone put in Rocketeer thinking it was a bio flick of Elton John. It was safe to assume that a riot by the employees tore the place apart.

They told me they needed something, but my mind already in Private Investigator mode, ignored them and went to the only reliable source I knew for shady operations such as the one I imagined myself to be in. Two Lebanese prostitutes. At first they played dumb and refused to tell me anything saying things like “What are you talking about?” and “You’re crazy!” but money opens all holes (Pun not intended) (Well…it is now). They told me they once had a client who wore a robot helmet and that he ran an information website….of all sorts of shady dealings I assumed. Naturally I followed the trail to Destructoid. And I was never seen again.

Do you have a favorite interview that you've done? If you can't pick one, pick a couple.

Dammit, they all have their awesome moments, but if I had to pick a couple it would be Elsa’s because it was my first interview and because I couldn’t ask for a better start. Getting to know Elsa was enlightening to say the least.

Conversely, did you ever try to do an interview that ended up just turning into a total disaster? If not, make up a story of the time you tried to interview me while I was hopped up on pop rocks and cola. Actually, do that anyway.

I may actually have an answer to the first half of that question. Guncannon still hasn’t turned in an interview even though I sent one to him like 5 months ago. Still waiting on that one buddy.

As for part 2. Let’s see…

Once I tried to interview Andrew Kauz, but something was wrong as he was jittery, and his eyes were unfocused (I did this interview in person). I first thought drugs, but then realized who I was interviewing and instead settled on the more likely explanation of sugar and caffeine. I then asked him “Hey, how about that Metal Gear?”

The next thing I remember, I woke up halfway through Street Fighter The Movie with no recollection of the past 4 days and copies of the Metal Gear games and Kauz’s writings all around me. And my wallet was gone.

Think you'll ever run out of people to interview? If so, what happens then?

My fear is that I won’t be able to interview everyone because there are so many of them I want to interview. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I won’t be able to do this forever and when that time comes I’ll probably…I don’t know what I’ll do…but for now, I'd rather not think about it.

What's one question that you've always wished someone would ask you in an interview?

Q: Can a swallow carry a coconut?

What's the answer to the one question that you've always wished someone would ask you in an interview?

A: Depends on the swallow.

The Internet has many gifts to give. What's the greatest gift the Internet has ever given you?

The world.

Honestly, thanks to the internet I've come into contact with so many people with similar, dissimilar; stories, creativity, art, information, Destructoid, friends I've moved away from, friends I've met for the first time, humor, videos, music, funny pictures. Everything anyone in the world can think of at the tip of my fingertips.

If you could sum yourself up in one image you randomly find from a Google images search, what would that image be?

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