Left 4 Dead's recent release has stirred some memories in my head regarding an absolute fate that I am nearly positive will be occurring relatively soon: the Zombie Apocalypse.
Oh yes, it is coming, and when the unfortunate event does come about I plan on being prepared. In one of my less well thought out purchases, I picked up
this alluring book-- arguably the most flippant 11 dollars I've ever spent, but an interesting read none-the-less.
Perhaps it is my childhood memories of creating a fort and fending off intruders that causes me such a readiness to run for the hills and construct an impenetrable castle armed to the teeth with bullets and obscenely massive firearms.
In case you were wondering, here is what my chateau(s) du cataclysm will be like. (All of this assumes that I someday make it big with my rotating-barka-dog-lounge chair and become grotesquely rich).
1: Orient primary location of residence along the shore with a high cliff at its back, and at least 10 ft. high walls surrounding the premises.
2: Have a secret underground passageway leading below the manor, to an outdoor dock accessible only from the passage. Allow no one to ever enter from this entrance other than the two compatriots whom I have
3: Hired to watch my back and pilot my sea-borne vessel. This vessel will have the capability of running on sun energy as well as wind. One of my hired hands will be trained in all methods of seaward navigation. The other, trained in medicine and alternative survival techniques. Favorably, both will have been spec ops, and each of their names contain either "Bear," "Les," "Rasputin," or any combination of the 3.
4: Once aboard this vessel, enjoy a leisurely cruise to the farthest northern reaches of the planet where I have also
5: Built a castle, with equally high walls as the first house, and enough provisions to last 6 months for 40 people. The construct will contain a greenhouse and run off of green technology in case the stay becomes longer than anticipated (oh, and there are weapons beyond anything I can imagine contained within the complex). Hopefully, the naturally harsh conditions will deter any of the walking dead from ever finding us, and if they do, they will be significantly slowed by the booby trapping precautions I have taken years in advance.
So there.
I currently have 5 dollars stashed away in my ZA fund (the bank didn't find Zombie Apocalypse too entertaining). Any significant contributions to the fund will ensure you a spot on the ship for a complimentary cruise to safety. If you fell that I am missing anything, throw me a comment. You can never be too prepared.
Checks made payable to
-Alocide
For the love of god don't call any of your SpecOps guys Hunk, otherwise zombies will kill everyone and he'll somehow make it out okay.
Zombies were really awesome... until the 00s hit.
Just wait until the zombie earn a mutual partnership with the raptors. Then we're screwed. Thankfully it'll be years until they figure out a way to mate...
Yes, mrsadistic, zombies were awesome, but now they aren't simply because you aren't a teenager and you've decided you don't like them because they are too popular.
*rolls eyes*
sun energy, you say?
I never said I stopped liking zombies, silly.
I'm just saying it's depressing seeing "zombie" images splattered around various lame, trendy/hipster t-shirt sites and everyone and their mom bringing zombies to a whole new level of cliche-ness, or something to that effect.
So your walls on your castle will become obsolete once the hunters jump over it and the boomer explode by your walls.
Ah I getcha. I got a completely different message from that post.
I agree, seeing zombies get molested by big douche fucks is not fun, but I dont think anything could make my love of zombies any more or less than it is. Same with dinosaurs. And giant monsters of most kinds.
Pretty much monsters in general.
True story.
I think there was an article in Wired about how to zombie-proof your home. Fresh water and clear vantage points for sniping were a must.
Yeah I understand. It's like I have my own personal fondness of zombies and just shake my head whenever I see some d-bag throwing the word "zombie" around just because he wants to be cool. What ticks me off more though are people who just think zombies eat only the brains. That is the one thing that makes me go ape-poopie.
@ Skribble
You know...solar panels and...stuff?
<<'
I was making light of the fact that I've never heard of solar power being referred to as "sun energy".
It sounds silly.
i think the bank feels great only because you made a deposit.
But I would like to have to automatic sentry guns like in the movie Congo you know? I would just sit on my armschair all day and night and look how the sentry guns kill zombies.
Of course I would be sitting with a sniper rifle at my side just for the fun of shooting things.
I assume you mean Bear Grylls and Les Stroud for number 3? Sorry, I already paid them off as my personal escorts through the zombie apocalypse. Find your own badass Survivormen.
You might want to check out World War Z, also by Max Brooks. I loved the Survival Guide so I got this, too, and it was a very good read. It's more like straight-up fiction, where he acts as an interviewer and gives first-hand accounts of people who survived the global zombie war.
Who does that leave without Grylls and Stroud?!??
Thanks for the recommendation too. I enjoyed his super dry humor in the survival guide. It must run in their family. I'll put it my list of things I want to read when I'm not at school.