After a long and busy day at the office, I wanted nothing more than to come home and relax. I settled down at my computer, turned it on, and began to mentally run down a list of games I could play. NWN2, Tera, Swtor, another run through Dragon age, so on and so forth. Nothing was striking my fancy however. Frustrated, I begrudgingly settled on Dragon Age and began to play. It was then I realized it. I wasn't enjoying myself in the least, and yet, I felt compelled to play something...Anything.
Thinking it was just the game, I switched to another. Same feeling. Then another. Same. Despite my obvious lack of interest in playing, I refused to stop trying different games. Finally, I settled on something, and told myself, "Just play it. Better than nothing." I wasn't having nearly as much fun as I should have been considering this was an activity of entertainment. So, why didn't I just stop and go find something else?
Before anyone says, "It was probably the game, you need a new one." I have a whole slew of unplayed games. Xenoblade, Silent Hill, Harvest Moon, Tales of Graces F, Resident Evil Revelations. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but I was extremely excited for each one. However, half of those haven't even been opened. My desire to devote time to a new game comes sporadically (which is a whole different blog on it's own). But, I digress.
I was ready to sell my soul to ensure this game was brought over to the U.S.
My main point is this: when exactly did gaming become a chore? Don't get me wrong, I adore playing video games. But, there comes periods of time where I actually feel obligated to play (last night for example). I will ask myself, "Do want to do something else?" No, I don't, but then I get very little enjoyment out of sticking to games. It's a weird and frustrating experience to say the least.
The issue becomes extremely visible with MMO's. I mentioned in a previous blog that I have a strong love/hate relationship with the genre. That being said, during the small windows of time that I do play, it's like a second job. I'd sigh, huff and puff about having to logon. My fiance would look at me like I was crazy. "I don't get it. If you don't want to play, then don't." My response was always the same, "You don't get it, I have too."
What the hell? I have too? That doesn't make sense! I don't know if I was scared of missing something (at least MMO wise), or if I was afraid I'd lose the gaming streak I was on. It's absolute craziness, and yet its a fact about me that I know won't change anytime soon.
I wish I had a resolution to all of this, an answer or idea. But I don't. In a weird and twisted way, gaming is not only my escape, but a burden as well.