[Full disclaimer: I'm completely ripping this off from a post Jim Rossingol did over on Rock Paper Shotgun. Please check out the original article as it's very good.]

When talking about things that will make a videogame better, we usually talk about controls, environment, story and suchlike. Well, shoving the following ten things into a videogame will blatantly make it better. It's a fact:

10. Have Warren Ellis write your story and dialogue. Warren Ellis greets his twitter followers every morning with something like this: "Good Morning fuckbags". The guy can write wickedly funny dialogue that is utterly filthy and profane, but he also has so many great ideas in his writing. His current Doktor Slepless series combines near future tech with body modification and a Cthulhu mythos. Get this guy to write a game! (Dead Space doesn't count as he was apparently only on board at a very early stage)

09. In fact, shit..... have actual writers do your story and dialogue. Hands up who wants to see Iain Banks write a sci-fi RPG? Or have Neil Gaimen write the story for a fantasy game? Wouldn't that be great. I mean the industry would have to get them to write the story first up before making the game, but shit wouldn't it be better than so bullshit made up at the last minute to tie all the gameplay elements together?

08. You gonna have the game on the PC? Ok great, here's what would make it better: first up, make it on Steam for the same price as the retail copy. Put your DLC on Steam and fuck Windows Live for Games. Make it controller compatible. Fleshed out multi-player component with variety and depth. Release a mod kit with the game itself and build in tools into the game to seamlessly integrate mods. Done. Game better. Move the fuck on.

07. Cel Shading. It looked fucking brilliant with Jet Set Radio and XIII and it still fucking does with Borderlands. Let's not over-do it, but seriously, screw realism if you can make a game that looks this good and will look this good for years to come.



06. Architecture and design by David Trautrimas. I mean, holy shit look at this! It's a kind of fantastical steam-punk meets buildings made out of discarded appliances.



05. Music by DJ Shadow, Calexico, Mogwai, ISIS, Khonnor, Malcolm Middleton, Godspeed You Black Emperor, Scott Walker, Jesu, Boards Of Canada....... ok, basically my Blip.FM feed.

04. Fully-fledged co-op mode. Make the game so that you can play with a friend, if you want, without it disrupting the gameplay or story. Simple as that really.

03. Set the game in Glasgow. Ah, my hometown; filthy, criminal, riddled by sectarianism, drugs and heart disease it's still my home in my heart. I know most people feel that way about their home-town, but wouldn't you rather see a game set in a real city rather than some nameless setting or another game in New York or LA? Just think of all the things you could put in the game if it was set in Glasgow: 8 year olds swearing at you and asking you for cigerettes; woman engaging in bare knuckle fights at a taxi rank; avoiding the subway for fear of your life on the day of a Rangers vs Celtic match; 12 year old Kappa shell-suited ruffians threatening to kick you in if you don't buy a joint off them; running through Kelvingrove Park at night for fear of being attacked by gay rapists..... all these things add to the vibrancy of my home town. (Note all of these are true happenings)





02. Have DJ Melloc do the cover art. Seriously, check out his Flickr pool for some amazing Criterion-esque videogame covers. Makes you wonder why we get shafted by having crappy box art.



01. Cyber-punk it. Seriously, even though cyber-punk is passe in the literary world, I cannae get enough of it. The bleakness, the rain, the gadgets.... I know it's probably just my obsession with Deus Ex and Blade Runner, but we need more cyberpunk games.

So basically to make the perfect game, you need Warren Ellis writing the story for a PC-based, cell-shaded, cyber-punk game set in Glasgow with all my favourite bands on the soundtrack, with DJ Melloc doing the cover art. Get on it Bioware!