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8:52 PM on 12.23.2013  

It's been a while/Holiday song



Hey y'all, its been a hot minute. 
While I'm still a super Dreamcast stud (confirm this with OBAMA), I also have a pretty good PC right now. Add me on Steam username: bbats.  Orgin (BF4 only): bbats1

I made this song last year for a Holiday community album that didn't quite get off the ground, but like a fine wine this aged with grace. So here's a parody of My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas. Please enjoy My Lovely Lumps of Coal.

Merry holidaze.

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7:51 PM on 10.15.2012  

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Yo yo yo, the Alex Barbatsis Vanity Contest is DONEZO!!!! There was only one entry and Mr. Andy Dixon recieved no nude photos, so ninjapresident is the winner!!! He gets all the games!!!! Way to go kiddo! And here is his winning entry titled BBats and Friends 2: BBats Harder:



Wowie! What a doosey of awesomeness. Way to go!


Now go call your mother, she misses you. (maybe not you though KYLE!)

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6:06 PM on 10.04.2012  

Free Games 4 Vanity Art! (Easy Contest)


Reference Photo

Sometimes I see some cblogs and I see some sweet sweet pictures in the personal info bar and man I get so so jealous. I seethe sometimes even. Like that Gobun character, he's got some sweet drawing. And M Randy Dixon. Dang, I'm jealous. So now its time to bribe y'all.

So I bought the Indie Royale May Hurray Bundle way back in May. I picked it up pretty much for Dungeon Defenders (a very nice game). There are 4 other games in the bundle that just don't look like my cup of tea. I don't know, puzzley stuff, music rythm stuff, whatever. They look cool, but I'd play them for about 4 minutes and then never again. So I thought, "Hey, give these good games away to the people, and squeeze them into drawing or singing or writing poems about you."

Alex, you son of a bitch. You've done it again.

The games are:
-Containment: The Zombie Puzzler
-Data Jammers: FastForward
-Brainpipe - A Plunge to Unhumanity
-Weird Worlds: Return to Infinite Space
and a soundtracks to:
-Voodoo Interface & Temperal Logic Grid Blues

They all run on PC, Mac, or Linux and the top three have Steam keys too.

Wow, your thinking ok ok wow wow ok sweetness. Yep. And guess what, super easy contest time.
You can win by either:
-Drawing a picture of me.
-writing a song about me.
-writing a poem about me.
-Taking a nude photo and emailing it to M Randy Dixon. (Note: Emailing M Randy will not result in any games, just moral victories.)


Post it in the comments below, and i'll make an announcement blog in ten days (10/14/12) to reveal the winners.

Good luck people, and may rock and roll carry you to victory.
(MS Paint is more than welcome!)

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7:32 PM on 09.18.2012  

Dibs on GAIGE!!!! (Borderlands 2 DLC)


So I'm not buying Borderlands 2 today. A little too much money and I'm going on vacation tomorrow. HOWEVER, in the future I do plan on picking it up and in that time I call DIBS on that cutie pie of my eye GAGIE! I love necromancer characters and I think this is a clever twist to fit that playstyle into BL2. So there.
I love you.

Pigtails



I've always wanted to wear pigtails.


Robots



I have no mechanical prowess. I wasn't sure how to change my rear blinker on my Chevy Aveo so I brought it to the dealer (Turns out you cannot take off the back light cover by yourself without doing some major trunk damage, I'M SMART THEN!) Therefore, I live vicariously through her.

KITTENS!



Just in case she gets cute kitten DLC.

DESPERATE PLEA FOR ATTENTION



Please love me Dtoid.

Those are the reasons why I love pasta.


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3:41 PM on 08.30.2012  

Exclusive PAX 2012 Show Floor Preview (Video Link)

Can't go to PAX but want to see the show floor or you just can't wait! Well, you're in luck! I snuck in and got the goods, including game announcements! Check it out!

PAX PREVIEW!!!


(question: When did they get rid of the embedded video stuff? Am I just blind now?)

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8:06 AM on 07.03.2012  

Toots are about to come out of my boot.



After some helpful insight on my part, a flagrant abuse of power is at hand.

Samit Sarkar is gone. He's off hanging out with busty people drinking Mai Thai's (1/2 oz Orgeat, 3/4 oz Orange Curaçao, 1 oz lime juice, 1.5-2 oz Dark Rum depending on booziness desired. Shake with crushed ice, dump in glass, garnish with mint) on a beach with piles of money that he's using to make papercraft of Derek Jeter. He's gonna be missed. Especially his editorial eye.

Recently, there was a slight but ever so embarrassing GRAMMATICAL ERROR in an post by the most beloved man of the masses M. Randy Dixon. Hey it happens, you know? Leave the man alone, please don't tweet his shaming remarks at him @mRandyDixon

Everyone needs help. It seems my super duper form of helping a buddy out was...unwanted.



Yeah, thats right, PUNISHED. That's like being a fit, muscular, young, and quite handsome man helping a feeble, weak, smelly old lady across the street and getting SLAPPED IN THE GOOD LOOKING FACE FOR IT!!! Maybe I shouldn't have interfered. Maybe I hurt his pride. Maybe it's because I'm so dominating at TF2. Maybe I should apologize. But does a cheetah apologize for being fast?

M Randy didn't even show up he was so scarred of my Heavy prowess.

So I've been punished...and now Alex Barbatsis, Homecoming candidate, is now Alex Butthead, homecoming candidate.

Now, what does this mean for you? Farts. It means farts.

I pondered, "what do buttheads do?" They fart. They fart, they butt burp,they poot, they bring the thunder from down under, they release the (butt) kraken.

I am now a butthead, it is in my nature to toot. My comments will reflect that. Most likely with a simple "toot." Maybe I might express an opinion. Maybe not. It won't reflect on the quality of the blog. It will merely be my nature.

Welcome to Butthead Dome.

Toot.


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2:39 AM on 10.11.2011  

Integration: Who Needs Games?



I don’t understand when people say their Wii just gathers dust in the corner. I use my Wii everyday. I always am fumbling for the Wiimote after setting it down in some foreign corner. “Now why is this in the laundry basket?” After the search party celebrates, I adjust my Wii Senor Bar and turn the console on. Familiar musical tones drawl through the room as I click away at the menu. Did you see that Instant Netflix just added the Invisible Man? Claude Raines, classic. I got about half way through it before I had to leave for work, but guess what!? I could continue to watch it on my 3DS! Radical! At least there’s something to do on that system in addition to unwrapping all those gifts. I can’t wait to watch some 3D trailers and take 3D pictures that I can share with my friends (is that possible?). I just leave my Spot Pass on because it has to be that way and its fun. Street Passing is cool too! I learned that this guy, Jared, his favorite game is the eShop. I didn’t realize there was anything there even! You learn something every day. Let me check it out right now for some cool apps. I think I’ll get Mario Clock and Animal Crossing Calculator so I can do easy math and know the time wherever I go, all in one handy device. At only $1.99 apiece, even Nook cannot deny that deal! Now, the real question is do I get My Notebook: Red or My Notebook: Green? Also, does anybody know how to print off my Ambassador certificate? I really want to show my parents but I ran out of paper for my Gameboy Printer.



When was the last time I played a game on either of those bad boys? Oh yeah, Super Mario RPG! I also just downloaded Mario Party 2 because hootenannies on the Western board are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I haven’t played it yet because I have yet to find where to plug a Gamecube controller in the system. But who needs games? Films, photos, weather, and global polls are a much better focus for a games console. And no, I do not wear cologne or perfume, but thanks for asking Nintendo. Are you looking for gift ideas? My birthday is just around the corner (January 24th). You don’t have to get me anything, but if you really want to, I heard about this game that sounds really cool called The Last Story. But that’s just a game, and I want you guys to focus on the important stuff, like what I’m going to have to plug into my system next to maybe think about playing a game. (Will the frakennub have Pokedex support?)

*yeah, I use my Wii for Netflix, but thats only because I don’t have a PS3 or Xbox 360 or a HD tv.

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11:08 PM on 07.05.2011  

Trenched Contest RESULTS!!!!



So here are the contest RESLUTS (way better than results) as well as my thought process behind the winners.

First, the haiku about a Dtoid editor.
Right off the bat, Manasteel88 had this very strong haiku, but tell me if you can see something wrong….

“Jonathon Holmes, huh?
Why do you love your wii so much?
Why not me sweetie?”

JonathAn Holmes is weeping into his Wii because of your misspelling.
The winner is NEKOBUN! His ode to Sterling

“Oh my, Jim Sterling
Let me rattle your Dry Bones
'neath that flesh beanbag”

Well done sir! Very sexy stuff going on there. Very sexy...

Now, the second contest, which was to draw a dtoid community member as an animal.
Here are the three entries received.

Manasteel88's picture of Wry Guy:


Caiters' pic of Corduroy Turtle:


Jack Earl's pic of Sonic9jct:


Now, maybe I’m being super fickle, but I expected to see community members as animals. Now, Sonic9jct’s avatar is already an animal, so technically this is a drawing of Sonic9jct as a cyborg, adding the Mr. Destructoid robot body and all. While clearly being the best drawing, I cannot award victory to Jack Earl. Should have made him a dog or something. (I’M FICKLE!!!!)

So it’s between Manasteel88 and Caiters. It would have been a clear win for Caiters if she would have wrote “Shit” instead of “S#!%” (I fucking love swearing).
So, here’s a point by point pros and cons list for both entries.

Manasteel88
Pro:
-Good use of avatar as monkey face
-Same color sky as in Frogbun picture (see gallery), makes Dtoid zoo seem plausible.
Con:
-Bark too smooth on tree.
-No sunglasses on sun.
-Weird hemorrhoids on monkey tail.
-Is Wry Monkey about to eat that banana? Why isn’t it semi peeled?

Caiters
Pros:
-Turtle has a cute face
-Multiple colors
-A lot of colons
Cons:
-Is the face on the top of the head? On the back of the neck?
-aforementioned self censorship
-Tail on the “u” in the sentence “blowing s#!% up” is too long. Also, p is cut off, making is say “Blowing s#!% 41”
-No background image. Is this turtle existing solely amongst words?

Well, they both had 4 cons, but Caiters had 3 pros and Manasteel88 had 2.

CONGRATS CAITERS!!!! YOU’RE A STAR!!!!

You got so close in both cases Manasteel88, but you blew it at the finish line. Go wash your mouth out with soap.

Congrats again to nekobun and Caiters. I will be DMing you soon with the codes!


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7:55 PM on 06.29.2011  

Win Trenched on XBLA (Contest)

Soooo I recently won a couple of codes for Double Fine’s Trenched for Xbox Live Arcade from the Dtoid live show Saturday Morning Hangover on Justin TV. This game looks awesome, with guys standing in tanks blowing stuff up and whatnot. I can’t wait to play it.
Exceeeeeept I don’t own an Xbox 360…..CONTEST TIME!!!

So I have two codes and there will be two ways to win them.

WAY #1
Write a sexually tinged haiku about a Destructoid editor (A Haiku is a poem composed of three lines. 1st line 5 syllables, 2nd line 7 syllables, 3rd line 5 syllables, But you know this already probably)

Here’s an example to get those creative “juices” flowing.

Conrad Zimmerman
Love that thick, bushy mustache
Wrap it around me.

OH BOY THAT’S NICE! Nothing too crude, subtly is the key to boners and victory.

WAY #2

Draw a picture of a Dtoid community member as an animal. Here is Gobun as a frog.



It's that simple!!!

Submit your creations in the comments below by JULY 3RD and you can celebrate the USA's 235 birthday in style.


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11:19 AM on 06.15.2011  

Video Game Dance Club + Me (Video)

I was in a Funny or Die video that was all about a cool club, except this cool club happened to play video game music. I don't really get why it's funny because it was just thee coolest dance club I've ever been to. (and I live in HOLLYWOOD CALIFORNIA USA people!) You can check me out dancing to a sweet sweet Secret of Mana track about halfway through the vid. I'm the one in the bow tie. Yeah, bow tie. I was easily the classiest guy there. Cause I always got my Dtoid swag on!



Let me know what you guys think of my oh so smooth moves. Peace out babies.

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1:01 PM on 06.09.2011  

E3: Same Old Song

So I snuck into E3 a day early this year.
I work downtown LA right near the convention center. I thought I’d check out E3 for a little bit, so I walked on over. This was on Monday, June 6th. After checking out the lobby and seeing security guards in the front, I walked around to the loading area. Behold, a giant dock with open service doors. Don’t mind if I do. Strolled right in like a bawse. (Guys, if you ever want to sneak into places, walk with confidence and walk towards a big group of people. Everyone will get sheep mentality and no one will stop you. Feel free to say high to them too.)


Not my picture. I broke my camera at the Dtoid Pre3 party and my cell phone battery ran out from playing too much Milli Vanilli on Pandora at work. Use your imaginiminatciones y'all!

Now, I was a day early, so everyone was still setting up. The Sony booth was dark, I didn’t even look for the Kinectathon bs, and Nintendo’s area, which was enormous, had curtains blocking the openings and guards in front of those. There was a lot of loading palates and bubble wrap everywhere, so there weren’t many games to try out. Sure, an MMO here and some weird PC driving game there, but not much to choose from. Except Capcom, which was fully functional and had no one around to stop me. I played a bunch of there new games, but I got the same feeling from them all. Street Fighter x Tekken felt a lot like SSF4, Dead Rising 2: Off the Record was Dead Rising 2, and Resident Evil Revelations was a classic style RE game. Not that it was bad; it was just nothing ground breaking. I got the same old song feeling from that day.
Who would know the entirety of E3 would be the same old song.


I'm pals with this guy. No real relation to the subject at hand.

Come on everyone, the PS Vita is a mash up of a PSP and a DS. And didn't they announce it a while ago as the NGP? So what's new about it now? The name only Chad Concelmo likes and a price ($249 does seem like a good deal though). The Wii U is an HD Wii with a tablet. More Kinect BS, HD remakes, and a bunch of sequels (when was the last time so many 3 games came out? Serious Sam 3, Battlefield 3, Mass Effect 3, Sims 3, Gears of War 3, Resistance 3, Uncharted 3, Ninja Gaiden 3! Holy crap has the industry run out of ideas or just wants to cash in on old properties? Yeah, both I know. Also, special recognition has to be given to the sequel Two Worlds II, which I find super funny for no real reason.)

You know that stupid Direct TV commercial where the dude is walking around his house and watching aliens fight while he keeps pausing it and going to another room to watch it. Its supposed to represent being able to watch one show on you DVR from anywhere in your home. Well, unless you have a mansion that you use a golf cart to get around, who cares? I feel the same way about Wii U. Now I get if your house has one TV and 39 sisters who all love to watch The Little Chocolatiers after school, but who really wants to play an HD Zelda on an iPad? That’s like watching Lord of the Rings on an iPhone. Same with the Vita. Maybe the touch screen capabilities will be cool and bring new dimensions to games (probably not), but not with games that are Tranfarred (or whatever they’re calling it). You can’t “transfar” the touch screen controls, so your basically playing HD games on a tiny screen. Same with Wii motion controls for the controller thing, right?


This is what your 39 sisters love to watch.

HD remakes are cool because they allow us to revisit some of our old favorites with new technology and better graphics, but they’re not new games. And don’t be fooled by people who say they’ve never played them, because even they have knowledge of the games events, controls, and maybe the endings. HD remakes are cool and all, but imagine if they just put every old movie on Blu Ray and didn’t make any more new films. That’s kinda how I feel about this year’s E3.

Maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I expected to see a new Nintendo console and not a baby step up from a wii. Hd graphics mean little to me if there's not an interesting game behind it.
I expected some new exciting games. Sure, some of the games were exciting, but nothing is new.
I expected to be blown away by something. Last year it was DK country returns. I was going ape shit when that was annouced (how that turn out for me though). Nothing stellar is coming down the pipeline as of now. And I know that the Wii U has a long time before it comes out (prob not even before next E3), but it won't be revolution the Wii was. And does Nintendo really need all the ports from Microsoft and Sony's consoles?

Have we hit a wall? Is there nothing else that can be achieved beyond motion controls and HD visuals? Do I really want an iPad that can only play games (as far as we know)? Will cloud technology/transfarring really make things better?
Its the same old song, they’re just trying to say there’s a different meaning but I think they’re wrong. I, oh I….
(I hope at least Kraid get that reference, its not too obscure!)

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6:19 PM on 09.12.2010  

Pax Memoir: The Found Weekend (horrible movie pun)

So here’s the bastard I adopted.

Sonic9jct
I didn’t know this guy, but I adopted his (her?) avatar for one reason; because it’s cute and it would totally get me laid. Well guess what? I DIDN’T GET LAID AT PAX!!! So thanks for nothing Sonic9jct! Anyway lets begin.


It’s 7:30 am in the airport, better get a pint. What’s with these new Sam Adam’s glasses? Its like there designed with a big bulb to prevent it slipping out of your drunk had. Well done Sam Adams.


Guncannon, Scotty G, Chad Concelmo and I found a carousel on the water front and took that bitch for a spin. It was actually pretty fast, though Guncannon fawned over the bench seats on it. We decided that the first sign you maybe getting old. Here’s the picture I took, it’s a Kubrickesque extreme closeup of Chad’s forehead (aka its hard to take pictures while moving up and down)


Did you here Duke Nukem was there? I had to wait so long though. It took like TEN MINUTES to get in. Press pass ftw.


Well shit, we better start eating some meat pies and get used to it. By the way, meat pies? Really Brits? You couldn’t find some damn fruit instead? There’s no apples in England? Really?


My camera phone must have really went to shit. Look at these assholes in this pizza box. Don’t you know all those late night carbs are gonna catch up with you quick. Brad Nicholson is weeping.


Speaking of carbs, BREAD BOWL CLAM CHOWDER. ScottyG and Cadtalfryn know what I’m talking about. Seriously, next Pax, go to Pike’s Place and get some bread bowl clam chowder. Simply the best.


So I took some video of Chad holding Sonic9jct, but it just disappeared of my camera. Man I am sick of this POS flipcam. Enjoy this horrible quality photo instead, Chad gives it his all and the Amazingness shines through.


Here’s our goldfish for the weekend, his name is Vaginaman. How’d we name him? I asked Kraid what his name should be. Kraid said Vagina and I said “ But he’s a man.” Done deal. (Please note his name is most certainly not Troy)


That blurry purple swirl is Tactix giving the magical goodbye speech. After I hugged everyone and left, I’m not gonna say I teared up, but something, probably dust, got in my eye.

Pax was such an amazing experience. I live a blessed life. I have a lot of fun times, but this was something beyond fun. Just experiencing new videogames with friends, hanging out, partying, going to new places (this was my first vacation in about four years), and the general dtoid love I felt from everyone was really special gift. Thank you all for the fantastic time I spent in Seattle <3

HIGHLIGHTS:
Fuck yeah carousel
Dtoid Panel
Whiskey Bar
Everything is Terrible 2

LOWLIGHTS:
Not applicable

Can’t wait for next year!!!

Ps, Hotel Monaco had animal print robes. Zebra action!

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